Since we had last seen him Mal had quit his job at McDonalds to pursue his passion for Irish river dancing. Later, in a freak river dancing accident Mal broke his big toe, leading to a morphine addiction for the pain. It got so bad that he began sucking off black men in alley ways for money. One day as he was on his knees, staring at the head of a 9 inch python he realized he had hit rock bottom. He said to himself, "After this man blows his load in my face I'm turning my life around." So far he has stayed off morphine, but picked up an addiction to blowing black guys in alley ways.
Please provide your long form birth-certificate, in triplicate, attached to long pieces of plywood.
Then, you need to provide a blood, sperm and hair sample for the forensics department. Just in case the plywood does get out.
Please make sure you have all of your Ebola vaccinations and know the correct recipe for Jim Jones' famous punch. And you must pass the Arabic proficiency test, starting with "Jizyah".
Once you have met these Rascally Reaganesque Requirements, you are relatively good to go.
Welcome back. I think.