Benefits of Being Female

[Annie]

My daughter sent this to me from college, yeah there is some things I'd like to think she doesn't know about but she is going on 23 and paying for school herself, since the beginning, so what the heck. There is something to this that reminds me of Dan's polls :

Benefits of Being Female

* We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
* When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a
blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
* Our boyfriends' clothes look elfin and gorgeous on
us -- guys look like complete idiots in ours.
* We can be groupies.
* Male groupies are stalkers.
* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the
central figure in a computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* Men die sooner, so we get to cash in on the life
insurance.
* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

* Free drinks.
* Free dinners.
* We can hug our friends without wondering if they
think we're gay.
* We know the truth about whether size matters.
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* Condoms make no significant difference in our
enjoyment of sex.
* It's possible to live our whole lives without ever
taking a group shower.
* No fashion faux pas we make could rival the
Speedo.
* We don't fart to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever
touching her ass.
* If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make
sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to
fit in.
* We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once
a month.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without
automatically picturing them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
that we look like an idiot.
* Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask
whether there's spinach in our teeth.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all
our problems.
* Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
* We'll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at
their shoes.
* We'll never discover we've been duped by a
Wonderbra.

 

[UsaPride]

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by Hannitized

It's a bit disconcerting that she sent it to me, but she has always been like that. I have no idea why she would think that I would find that funny. :

 

[Sandy73]

:rotflmao:

 

[UsaPride]

Come on, Kathianne. At 23, you're lucky you got the PG rated email, ROTFL!! Just kidding. :

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by Hannitized
Come on, Kathianne. At 23, you're lucky you got the PG rated email, ROTFL!! Just kidding. :

Condems? Vibrators? Shi*! LOL She shares an apartment with her boyfriend, Oh I love that! But it's for convenience, ya know? He makes more money, ya know....

Like I said, she is totally self-supporting, except for car insurance. I guess I don't have room to complain. Besides that, her boyfriend won't get engaged until he finishes his MS degree, on scholarship and has downpayment for a house. I like that boy!

 

[janeeng]

Originally posted by Kathianne
Condems? Vibrators? Shi*! LOL She shares an apartment with her boyfriend, Oh I love that! But it's for convenience, ya know? He makes more money, ya know....

Like I said, she is totally self-supporting, except for car insurance. I guess I don't have room to complain. Besides that, her boyfriend won't get engaged until he finishes his MS degree, on scholarship and has downpayment for a house. I like that boy!

You should count all of that as blessings! and, I am sure you do - now come on Kathianne, I am sure you just LOVED getting this from you Daughter, or maybe it's YOU that sent it!!! hahahah!!!!!

It sounds to me like you raised your Daughter VERY WELL!!!!!

BTW - forgot, that was awesome! and yes, some have a REAL WAY of stopping CABBIES - hint hint!!!!

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by janeeng
You should count all of that as blessings! and, I am sure you do - now come on Kathianne, I am sure you just LOVED getting this from you Daughter, or maybe it's YOU that sent it!!! hahahah!!!!!

It sounds to me like you raised your Daughter VERY WELL!!!!!

BTW - forgot, that was awesome! and yes, some have a REAL WAY of stopping CABBIES - hint hint!!!!

Hey Janeen, did the best I could and I'm proud of all 3 kids. They are responsible, even when they make mistakes, which don't we all.

LOL on her sending this. Dam* I wouldn't to my mom, though she probably would have gotten a chuckle or three. I was raised pretty strictly, but in my Freshman year at college my roomate hung a very cool hottie from Playmate, using a construction paper cover to be lifted if you catch my drift. Mind you, this is 1973. My mom comes to our room for parent's weekend. Sees the poster, lifts the figleaf and says, "Seen one, seen them all!" Times were different, but the 5 of us co-eds and 3 other parents just looked at her, with our mouths agape! She was something!

 

[janeeng]

Originally posted by Kathianne
Hey Janeen, did the best I could and I'm proud of all 3 kids. They are responsible, even when they make mistakes, which don't we all.

LOL on her sending this. Dam* I wouldn't to my mom, though she probably would have gotten a chuckle or three. I was raised pretty strictly, but in my Freshman year at college my roomate hung a very cool hottie from Playmate, using a construction paper cover to be lifted if you catch my drift. Mind you, this is 1973. My mom comes to our room for parent's weekend. Sees the poster, lifts the figleaf and says, "Seen one, seen them all!" Times were different, but the 5 of us co-eds and 3 other parents just looked at her, with our mouths agape! She was something!

haha! that's a pretty funny story!

You have 3 kids? I am sure you have done great with all of them. They have a good Mom!! this we can all clearly see here!

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by janeeng
haha! that's a pretty funny story!

You have 3 kids? I am sure you have done great with all of them. They have a good Mom!! this we can all clearly see here!

Thanks, all parents are proud! We do our best and the rest is up to them, in spite of our flaws! :

 

[janeeng]

Originally posted by Kathianne
Thanks, all parents are proud! We do our best and the rest is up to them, in spite of our flaws! :

Yeah, well I sure hope I can turn around and say that about my 2! My little monsters!!!!! and no comments from you Jim or John! You both have created some of it!

 

[5stringJeff]

A little equal time, here:

The Benefits of Being Male


Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't really care if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work ... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by janeeng
Yeah, well I sure hope I can turn around and say that about my 2! My little monsters!!!!! and no comments from you Jim or John! You both have created some of it!

I'm sure they're terrific, but also a handful, look at the Mom! and Uncles! Geez. They will be wonderful additions to our country and make mom bask in their accomplishments! :clap1: :clap1: :clap1:

 

[janeeng]

How true!!! well, there were a few that I think could be a woman as well though!

 

[UsaPride]

Originally posted by Kathianne
Condems? Vibrators? Shi*! LOL She shares an apartment with her boyfriend, Oh I love that! But it's for convenience, ya know? He makes more money, ya know....

Like I said, she is totally self-supporting, except for car insurance. I guess I don't have room to complain. Besides that, her boyfriend won't get engaged until he finishes his MS degree, on scholarship and has downpayment for a house. I like that boy!

He does sound good! I hope I'm so lucky, well, my daughter anyway, LMBO!!
Funny story, well it was funny to me. My neck and shoulders have been bothering me and my mom was going to let me borrow her massage chair thing. Well, she said, "wanna borrow my vibrator?" MY grandfather busted out laughing and said, "what are you doing with a vibrator?", I almost died!!!! I just get a kick out of elderly people talking about sex and sexual "things", LOL!!
Okay, I'm done, LOL!!
Now, about the mans list, LMBO!!! I was nodding through it thinking of my husband until I got to tanks. Unfortunately I asked him if he knew anything about tanks and now I'm the expert, LMBO!

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by Hannitized
He does sound good! I hope I'm so lucky, well, my daughter anyway, LMBO!!
Funny story, well it was funny to me. My neck and shoulders have been bothering me and my mom was going to let me borrow her massage chair thing. Well, she said, "wanna borrow my vibrator?" MY grandfather busted out laughing and said, "what are you doing with a vibrator?", I almost died!!!! I just get a kick out of elderly people talking about sex and sexual "things", LOL!!
Okay, I'm done, LOL!!
Now, about the mans list, LMBO!!! I was nodding through it thinking of my husband until I got to tanks. Unfortunately I asked him if he knew anything about tanks and now I'm the expert, LMBO!

Tanks? Help me here, I'm clueless and lost....

 

[UsaPride]

On Jeffs Man list, LOL
"You know stuff about tanks."
Everything on the list fit my husband, but I wasn't sure about tanks, well, now I am, LMBO!!

 

[Semper Fi]

Originally posted by gop_jeff
A little equal time, here:

The Benefits of Being Male


Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't really care if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work ... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Well said. Maybe now they'll understand .

 

[Annie]

Semper Fi, we'll never understand one another, just wait, you'll see....:

 

[Semper Fi]

Oh I've started to see it. No matter how hard it is to understand girls, I'll still stay on this team.