Anything Goes Humor

[Captain Caveman]

I tried two new business adventures.

First one was bungee jumping for the disabled. It was called, "Spastics on Elastic".

And the other was lingerie for the disabled, "Mongs in Thongs".

 

[Captain Caveman]

My first wife was from Thailand, and she died..

..of testicular cancer.

 

[Corazon]

My first wife was from Thailand, and she died..

..of testicular cancer.

 

[Corazon]

 

[Corazon]

 

[Corazon]

 

[Corazon]

 

[Erinwltr]

OK, one more church themed joke and I won't subject you to any more - Why was the trouble making fellow banned from attending future church services? Because he was a pain in the APSE....... That's it, no more awful jokes, at least for tonight. If you have ANY complaints about these jokes, please call 1-800-FOK-YUUU. We have people standing by, well, actually SITTING by, who may or may not take your call. Depending on their mood. Anywho, Thank Ewe very much for your time and a have a spooktacular evening. And unfortunately for you, I WILL be here ALL week.....

Hmmm, somethin the plucked a never, huh. buzzy?

 

[Silver Cat]

 

[Votto]

View attachment 359697

You have to include Obama or it makes you a racist

 

[Alan Stallion]

Yeah boyyyyyyyy!

 

[JustAnotherNut]

 

[Wyld Kard]

 

[asaratis]

 

[Mindful]

 

[progressive hunter]

I dont get laid a lot so I hang around fish markets so I smell like I do,,,

 

[Hossfly]

Why did the chicken cross the road roll around in the dirt and come back across? Because he’s a dirty double crosser.

 

[asaratis]

 

[asaratis]

 

[asaratis]

A friend told me about a day out with his grandson. This is what he said:

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!”

Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why -- I never!”

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears & asked me, "Did I do it
wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?"

After I assured him that he had done a terrific job & that God was
certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my grandson & said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grandson asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul”

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal.
My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, and then he did
something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am,
this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat. Shove
it up your ass and cool off!”

Kinda brings a tear to your eyes, doesn't it?