| The Legend of "Die Hard"...The squirrel
It was a warm spring day when I was a kid. I didn't want to go to school, so I chose to dodge it by going to my friend's house instead. My friend's name was Todd, his father's name was Tim, his mother's name was Trinity and his sister's name was Tina. Now where the hell did all of those "T's" came from, I don't know; all I know was that I wanted to date his sister, Tina; therefore, I don't care.
I met up with Todd at his house, with our pellet guns, and was prepared to hunt down the most feared creature in our jungle... Die Hard... The squirrel.
Now old Die Hard was no ordinary squirrel; he was clever, evasive and fast; therefore, shooting him down was quite a challenge.
So here we were, sitting on the patio, in the backyard, waiting for Die Hard. After an hour, old Die Hard showed up; running along the third branch from the top, along the right side. We took aim at him and shot; but somehow, some way, that squirrel saw it coming, dodge all of the shots, ran to the edge of the branch and jumped two feet to a branch of a nearby tree. From there, he ran around to the opposite side of the tree; but before he ran around to that other side, one of his forepaws was flickering at us. I look at it and pondered before I'd asked Todd, "Todd, did you see what I just saw?". He said,"Yep, I saw it all right. I saw a squirrel dodged all of our shots, jumped from one tree to another, then gave us the finger".
Well, months went by without any of us hitting that squirrel until Todd's dad Tim stepped in. You see, Tim loves his trees, so when he found out that the squirrels were damaging them, he was ready to go to war.
So here we were; six months later, sitting on the patio, myself, Tina and Todd sitting next to each other (with Tina closer to me of course), getting set for a big match up.
You see, Tim was a fomer military sniper and old Die Hard, to the best of my knowledge at the time, was the world's most elusive target... something had to give.
So Tim comes out of the house, with his .22 caliber rifle. He holds the rifle, barrel facing up, then began scanning the trees. After a few minutes, he finally sees something. He slowly walks up to the tree, aims up the tree, at a sharp angle, then fires one shot. What we saw next was amazing. Not only did he hit one squirrel, he hit two, with one shot! Both squirrels fell and hit the ground as dead a disco!
With much amazement, I'd ran to Tim and said,"That was great, how did you do that?". He asked me to walked with him and together we approached the two dead squirrels. He said,"Son, if you take a look at the two squirrells, you'll find that one of them is a female and the other is a male. The reason why I'd managed to kill two squirrels with one shot was because one of them was trying to get a nut off the other".
So that was the end of old Die Hard, the squirrel. So you are probably wondering what was the point of the story; well it goes a little something like this. The entire time I'd told you this story, I never at any point told you that anyone specifically gave that squirrel a name...
SO IF YOU THINK I'D NAMED THAT SQUIRREL "DIE HARD", BECAUSE HE WAS SO HARD TO KILL... YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THE STORY.
This story is dedicated to any poster who's having a hard time figuring me out.
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"Please my patrons in the arena (with the facts) and all the gifts of the world will be showered upon you. Imagine riches beyond your paltry dreams of riches! Imagine fame beyond your rude understanding of the word! All this can belong to the select few who prove their worth in the arena." | 
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