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Your Favorite lightbulb jokes
- Thread starter Gremlin
- Start date
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two....The hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
Only two....The hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
A mental patient was standing on the top of a ladder. The supervisor asked him what he was doing, and he said "I'm a light bulb"!
The Supe told him to get down and go to his room.
After seeing this the Janitor threw down his broom and said "I'm going home".
The supe asked him why, because he sent the man to his room and he said "No, I can't work in the dark"!
The Supe told him to get down and go to his room.
After seeing this the Janitor threw down his broom and said "I'm going home".
The supe asked him why, because he sent the man to his room and he said "No, I can't work in the dark"!
A mental patient was standing on the top of a ladder. The supervisor asked him what he was doing, and he said "I'm a light bulb"!
The Supe told him to get down and go to his room.
After seeing this the Janitor threw down his broom and said "I'm going home".
The supe asked him why, because he sent the man to his room and he said "No, I can't work in the dark"!
Now that sounds like congressional politics.
A mental patient was standing on the top of a ladder. The supervisor asked him what he was doing, and he said "I'm a light bulb"!
The Supe told him to get down and go to his room.
After seeing this the Janitor threw down his broom and said "I'm going home".
The supe asked him why, because he sent the man to his room and he said "No, I can't work in the dark"!
Now that sounds like congressional politics.
Ther are 434 mental patients in Congress. I am going to go out on a limb here and say there is 1 worth thier weight.
xsited1
Agent P
Q: How many general relativists does it take to change a light bulb.
A: Two. One to hold the bulb, while the other rotates the universe.
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, once they have observed it is out it has already changed.
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.
Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, astronomers prefer the dark.
Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.
A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
Q: How many particle physicists are necessary to change a light bulb?
A: Two hundred: 136 to smash it up + 64 to analyse the tiny pieces.
Q: How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it.
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't change light bulbs but they can run expensive computer simulations which predict the lifetime of the bulb with order of magnitude accuracy.
Q: How many experimental physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't replace the bulbs, they repair them.
Q: How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the light bulb is a perfect sphere, one. The solution for a light bulb of arbitrary shape is left as an exercise to the reader.
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A theoretical physicist is one that is postulated to exist, but has never been actually observed in the laboratory.
A: Two. One to hold the bulb, while the other rotates the universe.
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, once they have observed it is out it has already changed.
Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.
Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, astronomers prefer the dark.
Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.
A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.
Q: How many particle physicists are necessary to change a light bulb?
A: Two hundred: 136 to smash it up + 64 to analyse the tiny pieces.
Q: How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it.
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't change light bulbs but they can run expensive computer simulations which predict the lifetime of the bulb with order of magnitude accuracy.
Q: How many experimental physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't replace the bulbs, they repair them.
Q: How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the light bulb is a perfect sphere, one. The solution for a light bulb of arbitrary shape is left as an exercise to the reader.
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A theoretical physicist is one that is postulated to exist, but has never been actually observed in the laboratory.
- Feb 12, 2007
- 59,384
- 24,018
- 2,290
Q. How many Microsoft engineers does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: None. Microsoft has redefined darkness to be the new
standard.
Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one NOT to change the light bulb, and one to neither change nor not change the light bulb.
Q: How many Existentialists does sit take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
change a light bulb?
A: None. Microsoft has redefined darkness to be the new
standard.
Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one NOT to change the light bulb, and one to neither change nor not change the light bulb.
Q: How many Existentialists does sit take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Last edited:
daveman
Diamond Member
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"No, don't worry about it, darling. I'll just sit here in the dark..."
Q: How many Thought Police does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. There never was a light bulb...
Q: How many Censors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to ---- ------- ----- and another to ---- ----- ---- while ---- ---- - - -----with a ------.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
"No, don't worry about it, darling. I'll just sit here in the dark..."
Q: How many Thought Police does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. There never was a light bulb...
Q: How many Censors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to ---- ------- ----- and another to ---- ----- ---- while ---- ---- - - -----with a ------.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
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