Your Favorite lightbulb jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Gremlin, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. Gremlin
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    Gremlin Ugistered Reser

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    A thread to post your favorite lightbulb jokes in




    How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?

    One -- plus or minus three
     
  2. Oddball
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    Oddball BANNED Supporting Member

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    How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Only two....The hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
     
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  3. del
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    del BANNED

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    how many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

    wanna ride bikes?
     
  4. lawbuff
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    A mental patient was standing on the top of a ladder. The supervisor asked him what he was doing, and he said "I'm a light bulb"!

    The Supe told him to get down and go to his room.

    After seeing this the Janitor threw down his broom and said "I'm going home".

    The supe asked him why, because he sent the man to his room and he said "No, I can't work in the dark"!
     
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  5. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    Now that sounds like congressional politics.
     
  6. lawbuff
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    lawbuff Member

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    Ther are 434 mental patients in Congress. I am going to go out on a limb here and say there is 1 worth thier weight.
     
  7. xsited1
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    xsited1 Agent P

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    Q: How many general relativists does it take to change a light bulb.
    A: Two. One to hold the bulb, while the other rotates the universe.

    Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
    A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.

    Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.

    Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, once they have observed it is out it has already changed.

    Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.

    Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, astronomers prefer the dark.

    Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.
    A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

    Q: How many particle physicists are necessary to change a light bulb?
    A: Two hundred: 136 to smash it up + 64 to analyse the tiny pieces.

    Q: How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it.

    Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: They can't change light bulbs but they can run expensive computer simulations which predict the lifetime of the bulb with order of magnitude accuracy.

    Q: How many experimental physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: They don't replace the bulbs, they repair them.

    Q: How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: If the light bulb is a perfect sphere, one. The solution for a light bulb of arbitrary shape is left as an exercise to the reader.

    Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: A theoretical physicist is one that is postulated to exist, but has never been actually observed in the laboratory.
     
  8. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    How many illegal immigrants does it take to change a lightbulb?

    just one, they still do actual work.
     
  9. Gremlin
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    Gremlin Ugistered Reser

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    Question: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Answer: .9999999...
     
  10. Gremlin
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    Gremlin Ugistered Reser

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    Question: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Answer: It's left to the reader as an exercise.
     

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