You might be a DEMOCRAT if..... You own something that says, "Kerry for President" and still display it. You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this." You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree. You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..." You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category. You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does. You can't talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy. You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense. You don't understand why anyone was bothered by Jane's trip to Hanoi. You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies. You've never been mugged. You actually expect to collect Social Security. You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy. You think the Great Society has actually worked. You don't see the similarity between WONK and WANK. You think Ayn Rand is an African currency. Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling. You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family. Your High School Year Book goals included the words "help people." You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese. You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore. You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy. You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to. You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post. You know at least one Vegan. You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving. You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock. You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY. You think the anti-war protestors from '60s are the real heroes. You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer's stash. You actually think that poverty can be abolished. You admire the Swedish welfare system. You know that Jefferson really meant to say "Entitled to Happiness." You think the Flat Tax should be at 95% You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic. After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed." You think Obama is doing a good job.