JokesFunnn
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- Apr 16, 2008
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
- Thread starter JokesFunnn
- Start date
How many lawyers does it take to put in a light bulb?
Depends. One to turn the light bulb and how ever many more to sue every organization that may have had any part in the endeavor.
Depends. One to turn the light bulb and how ever many more to sue every organization that may have had any part in the endeavor.
How many lawyers does it take to put in a light bulb?
Depends. One to turn the light bulb and how ever many more to sue every organization that may have had any part in the endeavor.
What do you call 1000 lawyers in the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What do you call 1000 lawyers in the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Why didn't the great white shark eat the lawyer?
Professional courtesy.
- Jan 8, 2007
- 30,528
- 2,263
- 1,045
A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
There was a Louisiana State Trooper on his first night of duty.
He and his partner were called to an accident out on a county road.
When they got to the accident, his partner told him to take a notepad and write down everything he sees.
So the trooper walks around the seen and looks around he noticed an arm on the hood of the car:
"Dais a awm own da hud.... H-U-D....hud." He looks at his notes, grins, and nods his head in approval.
He keeps walking around and notices a leg in the back seat of the car:
"Dais a leg in da ceet....C-E-E-T...ceet." He admires his penmanship and keeps roaming around the scene. He eventually notices a head on the street:
"Dais a head on da boulevard....B-.......B-......" The trooper looked around, and gave his leg a swing and booted the head off of the road:
"Dais a head in da ditch."
He and his partner were called to an accident out on a county road.
When they got to the accident, his partner told him to take a notepad and write down everything he sees.
So the trooper walks around the seen and looks around he noticed an arm on the hood of the car:
"Dais a awm own da hud.... H-U-D....hud." He looks at his notes, grins, and nods his head in approval.
He keeps walking around and notices a leg in the back seat of the car:
"Dais a leg in da ceet....C-E-E-T...ceet." He admires his penmanship and keeps roaming around the scene. He eventually notices a head on the street:
"Dais a head on da boulevard....B-.......B-......" The trooper looked around, and gave his leg a swing and booted the head off of the road:
"Dais a head in da ditch."
True Texas Law Enforcement Stories
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD!'
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball.' He replied, 'Texas State Troopers don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
BEST
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas . A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD!'
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball.' He replied, 'Texas State Troopers don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
BEST
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas . A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
There was a little boy and a little girl playing in a sandbox. You know how little boys are, as this one stood up, pulled down his pants and said,
"I have one of these! I have one of these! Yoooouuuuu doooooon't!!!
The little girl stood up, pulled down her pants, and with that sassy woman attitude said:
"Well I have one of these, and I can get one of those any time I want."
"I have one of these! I have one of these! Yoooouuuuu doooooon't!!!
The little girl stood up, pulled down her pants, and with that sassy woman attitude said:
"Well I have one of these, and I can get one of those any time I want."
A guy walks into a bar and starts to tell a blonde joke, the Bartender leans over and tells him," I am blonde and the 4 ladies sitting around you are blonde and all know karate and are body builders, do you REALLY want to tell that joke?"
The guy pauses thinks for a minute and responds " No on second thought I don't, I don't want to explain it 5 times"
The guy pauses thinks for a minute and responds " No on second thought I don't, I don't want to explain it 5 times"
I think all of them are pretty funny. I think they're true stories also.
I thought "better' was the best one, too. It was the one that made me laugh out loud.
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