Would you rat?

[Joz]

I was in the other room painting reindeer & thinking (which can be a dangerous thing!) . To make a long story short,

Would you tell someone they were being cheated on by their significant other; yea or nay? And, why or why not? And if the tables were turned, would you want to be told?

 

[HGROKIT]

Originally posted by Joz
I was in the other room painting reindeer & thinking (which can be a dangerous thing!) . To make a long story short,

Would you tell someone they were being cheated on by their significant other; yea or nay? And, why or why not? And if the tables were turned, would you want to be told?

It happened to me many years ago. This guy was my best friend. His wife at the time and my wife at the time were friends. We used to all four hang out and party. When kids starting coming along, we hung out with the kids.

Then my friend had an affair. He told me about it in guilt. I told him he was a fool, but kept my mouth shut.

Years later they divorced. His wife then found out I knew about his infidelities. She has never spoken to me since.

Although I was friends with both of them - what he told me was in confidence. I would not beray that confidence. Had I told her, I believe I would have been betraying him in order to ease any disomfort I may have had in knowing this secret - when in actuality, the whole thing was none of my affair to begin with.

As fpr me? I would not want to know through a friend for pretty much the same reason. Because if I found out that way, there would be muc wailing and gnashing of teeth.

 

[Semper Fi]

yeah, I agree. As much as it may potentially hurt, I think that what I dont know really cant hurt me. As far as if my friend told me they were having an affair, I wouldn't tell. I wouldnt stand next to them in confrontation, either.

 

[5stringJeff]

I think that in a situation like that, hgrokit, I would have really pressured my friend to either stop what he was doing, or just break it off - though I would really push for the former. Don't know all the details, but I think that with information like that, we should do all that we can to push our friends in the right direction, hopefully meaning that we could get our friend to stop cheating on his wife.

 

[HGROKIT]

Originally posted by gop_jeff
I think that in a situation like that, hgrokit, I would have really pressured my friend to either stop what he was doing, or just break it off - though I would really push for the former. Don't know all the details, but I think that with information like that, we should do all that we can to push our friends in the right direction, hopefully meaning that we could get our friend to stop cheating on his wife.

I did try to get him to knock it off. Left that part out.

 

[Joz]

Originally posted by HGROKIT
........He told me about it in guilt. I told him he was a fool, but kept my mouth shut.

I think it was unfair of your friend to put such a heavy responsibility on you, guilt or not. Whether the woman speaks to you or not, I think you made the right choice.

On the other side, no woman wants to be humiliated and made a fool of. That compounds the hurt. She feels betrayed by all those who knew. You were in a no win situation. Maybe someday she'll see that.

But, we now know you have character; that you can be trusted. I admire that.

 

[brneyedgrl80]

I agree with Joz, that is really unfair to be put in a position like that, especially if you are friends with both.

I went through something slightly similar. At my very first year of college I was at a co-ed dorm party with a whole bunch of friends from high school. I was hanging out talking to one of my guy friends who I had dated briefly (like a month) during our freshman year in high school. He got to talking about his girlfriend, who was my best friend for about 3 years. He was saying how high maintenence she was and all of these other annoying things about her. I just sat there in my tipsy state (had a couple of beer bongs at this point) and listened. He started saying that he needed to find a girl like me and he continued to state how well we got along. The next thing I knew, he leaned over and kissed me. At first, I didn't know what was going on (a little drunk remember?) But when I realized I pushed him away. I very quickly stood up and was about to say something to him when my best friend/his girlfriend walked and sat down on his lap. I didn't say anything about that situation ever to her or to my boyfriend at the time of 2 years. And I think I did the right thing. I'm not sure what would have happened if I had said anything.

But it's weird, if my husband were cheating on me, I would definitely want someone to tell me if they knew about it.

 

[Joz]

Originally posted by brneyedgrl80
But it's weird, if my husband were cheating on me, I would definitely want someone to tell me if they knew about it.

Boy, I don't know. Probably. Especially in this day & age with so much disease so rampant.

I think most people in this situation suspect , but people only face things when their brain & heart are ready. When someone 'helpfully' tells you, you have to face it much sooner than you were ready. Then again, too, some people are clueless. I really find it amazing when someone says," I never knew". Either they're not facing up to the truth or the other person is REALLY good.

I think you were smart in not telling what happened in that dorm room. Something like that just causes more trouble. You handled it very well. Now, if he persisted over time, then, just like children, he may have needed something to re-inforce your objection.

 

[Annie]

Originally posted by Joz
Boy, I don't know. Probably. Especially in this day & age with so much disease so rampant.

I think most people in this situation suspect , but people only face things when their brain & heart are ready. When someone 'helpfully' tells you, you have to face it much sooner than you were ready. Then again, too, some people are clueless. I really find it amazing when someone says," I never knew". Either they're not facing up to the truth or the other person is REALLY good.

I think you were smart in not telling what happened in that dorm room. Something like that just causes more trouble. You handled it very well. Now, if he persisted over time, then, just like children, he may have needed something to re-inforce your objection.

Truth is, until you're ready, you won't believe it.

 

[brneyedgrl80]

Originally posted by Joz
Boy, I don't know. Probably. Especially in this day & age with so much disease so rampant.

I think most people in this situation suspect , but people only face things when their brain & heart are ready. When someone 'helpfully' tells you, you have to face it much sooner than you were ready. Then again, too, some people are clueless. I really find it amazing when someone says," I never knew". Either they're not facing up to the truth or the other person is REALLY good.

I think you were smart in not telling what happened in that dorm room. Something like that just causes more trouble. You handled it very well. Now, if he persisted over time, then, just like children, he may have needed something to re-inforce your objection.

Lol at the re-enforcement!! :clap1: