Woman catches Man Flu!

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Bootneck, Jul 21, 2009.

  1. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    A woman from Stroud has caught Man Flu, prompting fears that women may have become susceptible to a new strain of the disease for the first time. Thirty-five-year-old Andrea Jennings complained of a sore throat and feeling ‘a bit bunged up’ and then instead of just struggling on regardless announced she was going to take the day off work and endlessly complain about how ill she was to her partner. It was at this point that government scientists confirmed Andrea was suffering from Man Flu.

    ‘I’ve had colds before and in many ways this very feels similar,’ said Andrea. ‘But since I realised it was Man Flu I’ve struggled to do anything more strenuous than lying the sofa watching Match of the Day DVDs and reruns of old films. It’s been awful.’ Concerned that she might actually be dying caused Andrea to visit to the doctor who gave her a patronizing chuckle and informed her that she just has a bit of a virus and advised her to take paracetamol and drink plenty of fluids. Scientists say that a rare mutation has caused the Man Flu virus to spread to women for the first time, although there have already been instances of Man Flu being passed to birds. In the Far East, millions of chickens were destroyed when farmers noticed them lying in bed all day, showing signs of headaches, dry mouths and other symptoms quite similar to those of a hang-over.

    Although police have cordoned off the area around Stroud, experts say there are now real fears that a Man Flu pandemic infecting millions of women may follow. Andrea is currently being cared for by her husband, Roland, and is thought to have originally caught Man Flu from him. ‘Andrea’s symptoms are quite similar to what I had a few weeks ago, although when I had it, it was much worse.’
     
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  2. chanel
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    chanel Silver Member

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    Ha ha. It's real. I have several single girlfriends who have caught it. Different symptoms though. Included intense vomiting and homocidal thoughts. Simple cure - good bottle of Chardonnay and a 10 inch dildo.
     
  3. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    I guess that's what would be known as a cork screw. :eusa_whistle:
     
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  4. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    Come on then ladies. Sing it out loud! The Gloria Gaynor remix!

    At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
    When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
    But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, that I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
    But there you are, another lie,
    I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
    I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream
    Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!

    Go on now-go! , Walk out the door,
    Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
    Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
    Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!

    [Chorus]

    I will survive! I will survive!
    Cuz as long as I have batteries,
    My sex life's gonna thrive!
    I will always have good sex,
    With a handful of latex!
    I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

    It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
    When I saw your little willy standing tall and proud!
    But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
    Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

    [Chorus]

    I will survive! I will survive!
    Cuz as long as I have batteries,
    My sex life's gonna thrive!
    I will always have good sex,
    With a handful of latex!
    I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
     
  5. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    :lol:

    Darn "too much rep given, blah, blah, blah" message. :evil:
     
  6. chanel
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    chanel Silver Member

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    That's a keeper. Got the same message all day today also Eve. Some crazy message about "spreadin the love" Isn't that how you catch the man flu?.
     
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  7. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    Happens to me on a very, very regular basis. :(




    Maybe I should be pickier or less available or something? :confused:
     
  8. Mr.Fitnah
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    Mr.Fitnah Dreamcrusher

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    A woman cant get the man flu
     

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