Why We Love Children

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by 007, Sep 24, 2009.

  1. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    1) NUDITY
    I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

    2) OPINIONS
    On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

    3) KETCHUP
    A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

    4) MORE NUDITY
    A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

    5) POLICE # 1
    While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

    6) POLICE # 2
    It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

    7) ELDERLY
    While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

    8) DRESS-UP
    A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

    9) DEATH
    While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
    (I want this line used at my funeral!)

    10) SCHOOL
    A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

    11) BIBLE
    A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
     
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  2. Mr. H.
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    Mr. H. Diamond Member

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    LOL! Classic.

    My kids were picking at their dinner plates when I lectured them on the benefits of eating vegitables.
    "They're full of vitamins and nutrients and keep you healthy and prevent disease. You never know- vegitables could save your life!"

    My 4 year old looks down at his plate and says "dad, I could get shot tomorrow and this potato couldn't do a thing about it."
     
  3. Luissa
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    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

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    my mom always told me if I didn't eat my vegetables my poop hole will slam shut. One night at a family dinner I proceeded to tell one of my uncles that he better eat his vegetables or his poop hole will slam shut. :)
     
  4. Mr. H.
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    Mr. H. Diamond Member

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    My three year old insisted on riding the high-swings at the local carnival. I finally gave in after the ride operator promised he'd keep it low and slow.

    So we're chatting, waiting for the auto shut-off when he glances up and wonders if we're going to get some rain. Just then I hear my son.... "Daaaaaaaaaaaad I peeeeeeeeeed my paaaaaaaaaaants."
     
  5. Big Black Dog
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    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

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    Kids are indeed a national treasure. My young son asked me one time "Daddy, where did I come from?" I thought for a few minutes of a way to begin his knowledge of the birds and bees and began to tell him that when two people love each other they hug in a special way. He listened carefully and asked me "How did that make Billy come from San Diego?"
     
  6. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    -------------------------- [​IMG]
     
  7. KittenKoder
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    KittenKoder Senior Member

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    This is the cooootest thread ever!
     
  8. Ringel05
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    Ringel05 Diamond Member

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    Why We Love Children?

    Because they're tender, juicy and taste like veal??
     
  9. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    It 'was' the coolest thread ever... one rotten apple can spoil the barrel.
     
  10. Ringel05
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    Ringel05 Diamond Member

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    Jeeze! Funny bone broken?
     

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