Why Soccer Will NEVER Catch On In America

Discussion in 'Sports' started by George Costanza, Jul 11, 2010.

  1. George Costanza
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    George Costanza A Friendly Liberal

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    I just wasted two hours plus watching one of the most boring sporting events it has ever been my displeasure to have to sit through. These guys are supposed to be the best of the best. Doesn't that mean they should be able to score goals? Apparently not.

    OK - I try to like soccer. I really do. But I have never been able to get behind it. And, you will note, soccer has never caught on in the U.S. Never. Why is that? It is certainly hugely popular in other countries - clearly the number one sport probably world-wide. So why hasn't it ever caught on here? Glad you ask - I have a theory:

    Americans are raised on FOOTBALL. That's FOOTBALL, folks, not "futbal." In American football, one team gets the ball and moves it down the field. Barring such things as interceptions or fumbles, usually when your team gets the ball, they KEEP IT for a while, hopefully, long enough to drive down the field and score either a field goal or a touchdown.

    Compare this to soccer. In soccer, the orange team has the ball. The orange team player kicks the ball toward the opposing team's goal. The ball is in the air. At this point, there is a 50-50 chance that, when it comes down, it will still be under the control of the orange team. Now the blue team has the ball. Blue team player kicks the ball high in the air. Now it comes down. Orange team's ball. And so on, and so on, ad nauseum. Back and forth, back and forth, in a seemingly never-ending exchange of possession which rarely results in anything except the aforementioned back and forth, back and forth changes of possession.

    Well - much like this boring soccer game recently concluded between Spain and The Netherlands.

    And that's why soccer will never catch on in this country. We don't have the patience for it. When our team gets the ball, we want to see them keep if for something longer than two or three seconds.

    Hang on, guys - September is just around the corner.
     
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  2. B. Kidd
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    B. Kidd Gold Member

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    Totally agree, soccer will never catch on here.
    The World Cup is like a whore that spends 4 weeks of continuous foreplay on you, and when it comes down to the final act, throws your underwear in your face without delivering, and, furthurmore, expects a tip.

    BTW, Costanza, just when I thought I'd seen all the Seinfeld episodes, I saw one last night where Kramer has three Japanese tourists sleeping in his dresser drawers in his apt..
    Hadn't seen that one.
    A total crack-up.
     
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  3. Zona
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    Zona A guy in ariZONA

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    Sometimes though, its better than watching 3 hours of football......3 hours of television for a 60 minute game. That is a lot of commercials. A lot!
     
  4. Zona
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    Zona A guy in ariZONA

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    I wonder if Mel Gibson likes Kramer? :lol:
     
  5. B. Kidd
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    B. Kidd Gold Member

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    Probably not.

    Mel hates All minorities.
    Kramer just dislikes Nig......Negroes.
     
  6. DiveCon
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    DiveCon gone

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    gotta agree here

    i watched it too
    and there was more flopping on the ground and crying than i've seen in a kids soccer game
    hell, there was more complaining to the refs than most NBA games
    hell, the whole season of the NBA
    LOL
     
  7. George Costanza
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    George Costanza A Friendly Liberal

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    Have to agree there - of course, that's why God invented Tivo.

    There is one good thing about soccer. I notice that the clock never stops running. It keeps going during (99% faked) injuries, disputes, streakers, whatever. That is a good thing. Makes the entire debacle slightly less boring simply because the time does not stop.
     
  8. George Costanza
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    George Costanza A Friendly Liberal

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    The sign of a great show that has four leading characters, such as Seinfeld, is - when asked, "who's your favorite character," you really can't say. That's the way I am with Seinfeld. They were all just great. (Well, of course, George WAS slightly superior to the rest. ;))
     
  9. B. Kidd
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    B. Kidd Gold Member

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    But when a soccer player gets REALLY injured, they bring two-man stretcher-barers out. Whats' with that crap?
    The soccer world never heard of golf carts?
     
  10. George Costanza
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    George Costanza A Friendly Liberal

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    That flopping drives me nuts. They will replay the contact in slow motion, and it is SO obvious that the goombah couldn't possibly have been hurt in the slightest.

    I'm sorry - I don't find professional golf the least bit boring although I know many others do. But I just can't get on board with soccer.
     

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