Why Soccer Will NEVER Catch On In America

George Costanza

A Friendly Liberal
Mar 10, 2009
5,188
1,160
155
Los Angeles area.
I just wasted two hours plus watching one of the most boring sporting events it has ever been my displeasure to have to sit through. These guys are supposed to be the best of the best. Doesn't that mean they should be able to score goals? Apparently not.

OK - I try to like soccer. I really do. But I have never been able to get behind it. And, you will note, soccer has never caught on in the U.S. Never. Why is that? It is certainly hugely popular in other countries - clearly the number one sport probably world-wide. So why hasn't it ever caught on here? Glad you ask - I have a theory:

Americans are raised on FOOTBALL. That's FOOTBALL, folks, not "futbal." In American football, one team gets the ball and moves it down the field. Barring such things as interceptions or fumbles, usually when your team gets the ball, they KEEP IT for a while, hopefully, long enough to drive down the field and score either a field goal or a touchdown.

Compare this to soccer. In soccer, the orange team has the ball. The orange team player kicks the ball toward the opposing team's goal. The ball is in the air. At this point, there is a 50-50 chance that, when it comes down, it will still be under the control of the orange team. Now the blue team has the ball. Blue team player kicks the ball high in the air. Now it comes down. Orange team's ball. And so on, and so on, ad nauseum. Back and forth, back and forth, in a seemingly never-ending exchange of possession which rarely results in anything except the aforementioned back and forth, back and forth changes of possession.

Well - much like this boring soccer game recently concluded between Spain and The Netherlands.

And that's why soccer will never catch on in this country. We don't have the patience for it. When our team gets the ball, we want to see them keep if for something longer than two or three seconds.

Hang on, guys - September is just around the corner.
 
Totally agree, soccer will never catch on here.
The World Cup is like a whore that spends 4 weeks of continuous foreplay on you, and when it comes down to the final act, throws your underwear in your face without delivering, and, furthurmore, expects a tip.

BTW, Costanza, just when I thought I'd seen all the Seinfeld episodes, I saw one last night where Kramer has three Japanese tourists sleeping in his dresser drawers in his apt..
Hadn't seen that one.
A total crack-up.
 
Sometimes though, its better than watching 3 hours of football......3 hours of television for a 60 minute game. That is a lot of commercials. A lot!
 
Totally agree, soccer will never catch on here.
The World Cup is like a whore that spends 4 weeks of continuous foreplay on you, and when it comes down to the final act, throws your underwear in your face without delivering, and, furthurmore, expects a tip.

BTW, Costanza, just when I thought I'd seen all the Seinfeld episodes, I saw one last night where Kramer has three Japanese tourists sleeping in his dresser drawers in his apt..
Hadn't seen that one.
A total crack-up.

I wonder if Mel Gibson likes Kramer? :lol:
 
I just wasted two hours plus watching one of the most boring sporting events it has ever been my displeasure to have to sit through. These guys are supposed to be the best of the best. Doesn't that mean they should be able to score goals? Apparently not.

OK - I try to like soccer. I really do. But I have never been able to get behind it. And, you will note, soccer has never caught on in the U.S. Never. Why is that? It is certainly hugely popular in other countries - clearly the number one sport probably world-wide. So why hasn't it ever caught on here? Glad you ask - I have a theory:

Americans are raised on FOOTBALL. That's FOOTBALL, folks, not "futbal." In American football, one team gets the ball and moves it down the field. Barring such things as interceptions or fumbles, usually when your team gets the ball, they KEEP IT for a while, hopefully, long enough to drive down the field and score either a field goal or a touchdown.

Compare this to soccer. In soccer, the orange team has the ball. The orange team player kicks the ball toward the opposing team's goal. The ball is in the air. At this point, there is a 50-50 chance that, when it comes down, it will still be under the control of the orange team. Now the blue team has the ball. Blue team player kicks the ball high in the air. Now it comes down. Orange team's ball. And so on, and so on, ad nauseum. Back and forth, back and forth, in a seemingly never-ending exchange of possession which rarely results in anything except the aforementioned back and forth, back and forth changes of possession.

Well - much like this boring soccer game recently concluded between Spain and The Netherlands.

And that's why soccer will never catch on in this country. We don't have the patience for it. When our team gets the ball, we want to see them keep if for something longer than two or three seconds.

Hang on, guys - September is just around the corner.
gotta agree here

i watched it too
and there was more flopping on the ground and crying than i've seen in a kids soccer game
hell, there was more complaining to the refs than most NBA games
hell, the whole season of the NBA
LOL
 
Sometimes though, its better than watching 3 hours of football......3 hours of television for a 60 minute game. That is a lot of commercials. A lot!

Have to agree there - of course, that's why God invented Tivo.

There is one good thing about soccer. I notice that the clock never stops running. It keeps going during (99% faked) injuries, disputes, streakers, whatever. That is a good thing. Makes the entire debacle slightly less boring simply because the time does not stop.
 
Totally agree, soccer will never catch on here.
The World Cup is like a whore that spends 4 weeks of continuous foreplay on you, and when it comes down to the final act, throws your underwear in your face without delivering, and, furthurmore, expects a tip.

BTW, Costanza, just when I thought I'd seen all the Seinfeld episodes, I saw one last night where Kramer has three Japanese tourists sleeping in his dresser drawers in his apt..
Hadn't seen that one.
A total crack-up.

The sign of a great show that has four leading characters, such as Seinfeld, is - when asked, "who's your favorite character," you really can't say. That's the way I am with Seinfeld. They were all just great. (Well, of course, George WAS slightly superior to the rest. ;))
 
Sometimes though, its better than watching 3 hours of football......3 hours of television for a 60 minute game. That is a lot of commercials. A lot!

Have to agree there - of course, that's why God invented Tivo.

There is one good thing about soccer. I notice that the clock never stops running. It keeps going during (99% faked) injuries, disputes, streakers, whatever. That is a good thing. Makes the entire debacle slightly less boring simply because the time does not stop.

But when a soccer player gets REALLY injured, they bring two-man stretcher-barers out. Whats' with that crap?
The soccer world never heard of golf carts?
 
gotta agree here

i watched it too
and there was more flopping on the ground and crying than i've seen in a kids soccer game
hell, there was more complaining to the refs than most NBA games
hell, the whole season of the NBA
LOL

That flopping drives me nuts. They will replay the contact in slow motion, and it is SO obvious that the goombah couldn't possibly have been hurt in the slightest.

I'm sorry - I don't find professional golf the least bit boring although I know many others do. But I just can't get on board with soccer.
 
Sometimes though, its better than watching 3 hours of football......3 hours of television for a 60 minute game. That is a lot of commercials. A lot!

Have to agree there - of course, that's why God invented Tivo.

There is one good thing about soccer. I notice that the clock never stops running. It keeps going during (99% faked) injuries, disputes, streakers, whatever. That is a good thing. Makes the entire debacle slightly less boring simply because the time does not stop.
except the refs then "extend" the game arbitrarily
 
The most boring games EVER are baseball and American Football.

Overall the final was a little disappointing, and Spain - for me - went from the Team of the Tournament, to the Crybabies of the Tournament....

Thought the ref wasn't up to it, but Robben missed two open goals....
 
The most boring games EVER are baseball and American Football.

Overall the final was a little disappointing, and Spain - for me - went from the Team of the Tournament, to the Crybabies of the Tournament....

Thought the ref wasn't up to it, but Robben missed two open goals....
baseball, maybe, football, no fucking way
 
The most boring games EVER are baseball and American Football.

Overall the final was a little disappointing, and Spain - for me - went from the Team of the Tournament, to the Crybabies of the Tournament....

Thought the ref wasn't up to it, but Robben missed two open goals....


I think you're in the wrong thread......
and should be in the "Soccer is more exciting than watching paint dry!!" thread.
 
American Football is less exciting than Soccer..

And I've played both in High School.

Hockey on the other hand.. Is probably the most exciting of them all.
 
American Football is less exciting than Soccer..

And I've played both in High School.

Hockey on the other hand.. Is probably the most exciting of them all.
i recently saw the Lacrosse all star game, and even though i didnt really understand the game, it was fun to watch

but football is also fun to watch and i DO understand the game
 
It was a terribly boring game today. I guess that's the problem. Sometime it's just really boring.

BUT WHEN IT'S EXCITING, oooo, and there's also the factor that it depends on how you already feel about each team. Since i watched virtually every game of the tournament, there's something to get excited about when 'your team' is doing really well, or even when the game's going against your team but they're still going for it. But I feel like you already have to have some commitment to one of the teams.

Like in this World Cup, I went in supporting Spain, but tossed them for Germany (whom I usually support) early on. From then on I'd live and breath for the Germans; when they murdered England 4-1, MAN that was exciting; and Argentina (whom I also supported), when they pummeled them 4-0, that was GREAT. By the time the final rolled around, I had already rooted against both the Netherlands and Spain in semis, and I couldn't decide even who to support, not even during the game, neither team was exciting, and not being from either place it was just boring. It didn't help that the Dutch's strategy was basically to choke Spanish possession by continually fouling.

But when you have some emotional investment on a team, it starts changing, because even though nobody scores, it's the NEAR scores where you feel you're about to explode with emotion or get crushed by despair, and well, I'm not very good at describing. It's a great game, though.


ASDoHsadpaIdshaposd
 

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