Why marriage no longer makes sense

[Cecilie1200]

im not arguing if you have kids, you should not get married

im arguing that something that fails so much, isnt worth doing

and marriage is NOT neccesary

my love for any woman, of your husband or wife, i dont know your gender.

is not any less if you dont make a contract or put a piece of paper, heck common sense would dictate, that men as well as women have realistic view of how any relationship would work, and who would do what.

But to blindly say, men expect this, i actually agree with you, but again, i go back to two simple things, I and anyone, does not need marriage to make a relationship official, and its too messy if it fails, and fails to often, fine three things lol

NoMarriage.com - Why marriage no longer makes sense.

Traditional marriage balances different privileges and obligations for men and women. Modern woman wants all the benefits of "equality" without any of the responsibilities.

Traditional Western culture balanced special privileges for women with special obligations, and the same for men.

Equality states that no one get special privileges, and that responsibilities and rights should be equally shared.

Either system is balanced and fair. The problem with modern Western culture is that many women want only the positives from both systems:

They want special privileges from the traditional system (men paying, being "gentlemen" by using special deferential manners and language to women, being the main breadwinner, etc) but not the old-fashioned obligations (being modest and ladylike, being a housewife, etc).

Bulcrap......I remember a discussion with the boys in college. ALL of them wanted their future wives to work AND take care of the children AND take care of the house. I knew even then it couldn't be done. Marriage is a partnership and someone needs to take care of the kids, I don't care whom. Both are responsible for making sure the family survives. BOTH are equally as responsible.

I've been married 27 years. My parents were married for more than 50, with 4 years off for bad behavior. Everyone of my surviving siblings is still married to their first spouse. Everyone of my nieces and nephew that married are still married to their SAME spouse. Just because you are too lazy to make a marriage work doesn't mean it's not practical. It takes two to have children and it takes two to raise them. A family unit is much stronger than any individual...I don't care who you are.

Maybe marriages aren't failing so much because it isn't worth doing. Maybe they're failing so much because they need to be done right. And what you're suggesting tells me you don't know any more than the people you're excoriating about how to do it right.

Quite frankly, if you're saying, "My love for you isn't dependent on a piece of paper", what I'm hearing is, "I don't love you enough to make a public, legal commitment to you." Sounds to me like a guy who wants to get the milk for free instead of buying the cow.

 

[Cecilie1200]

im glad it worked for you.

but it doesnt work for most men, 50%. you got lucky, most men dont

I dont disagree with you there, but I dont believe men is financially, spiritually, or emotionally advantageous for a man to get married under todays climate.

as a married man with two children....i once vowed never to get married or have children....

you couldn't be more wrong.....about everything.....

If his marriage is working, luck is the one thing that ISN'T responsible for it. If you're depending on luck to make your marriage work, that explains why it isn't.

 

[ABikerSailor]

infact, afaggotsailor, i feel sorry for your parents, they had a retard for a son, probably should've aborted you first chance they got

Well...........speaking of parents Ain't Noble Moron, you shoulda been a blowjob and your momma shoulda swallowed.

By the way, you said you're trying to have an intelligent discussion. My question is, where is it in your deluded little pinhead skull that makes you think that marriage is a dead institution?

Aren't you a GOP type? Those are the party of family values idiot.

 

[Cecilie1200]

and when did i say i support women being the property of anyone?

second, im going back to how women have been acting in the last 50-60 years.

you probably dont know this, but women commit domestic violence against men, but men are ashamed to admit it, because our society still tends to not take it as seriously as it should.

women used to dress appropritely, morally, not having their tits and panties hanging out.

they didnt use to sleep around , like they do today , and act like its a good thing

feminism: men act like jackasses, we have the right to act the same or worse

for the record, i dont agree with men sleeping around either

if women work their butt off, why do they accept alimony?, why do they expect men to pay for dates, and sometimes bills.

answer me that one batman

what a silly premise.

balanced and fair? for centuries women were the property of the men they married and were traded for family power, position and wealth.

balanced and fair?

pffftt....

and every woman i know works her butt off...

Alimony tends to be based on the amount of time and energy one has invested in the marriage and family, to the detriment of possible careers and personal earning opportunities. In other words, alimony is intended to compensate women - and sometimes men, these days - for the trade-offs they made that leave them less able to earn a lot of money if the marriage dissolves.

 

[JD_2B]

NoMarriage.com - Why marriage no longer makes sense.

Traditional marriage balances different privileges and obligations for men and women. Modern woman wants all the benefits of "equality" without any of the responsibilities.

Traditional Western culture balanced special privileges for women with special obligations, and the same for men.

Equality states that no one get special privileges, and that responsibilities and rights should be equally shared.

Either system is balanced and fair. The problem with modern Western culture is that many women want only the positives from both systems:

They want special privileges from the traditional system (men paying, being "gentlemen" by using special deferential manners and language to women, being the main breadwinner, etc) but not the old-fashioned obligations (being modest and ladylike, being a housewife, etc).

That website is absolutely the most insane, misogynistic wad of bullshit I have ever fucking seen in my life.

First of all- Women who WANT to get married, are not WANTING the man to pay their way.. We are OBLIGATED to assuring him the self esteem and appreciation that men associate with paying the dinner tabs, and changing our tires. Men NEED to feel like the Alpha Male- the leader, provider, and protector.. WE, women, do not feel that we NEED any of these things in our lives, in todays world.. (even though those are the qualities that cause us to be primatively attracted to certain men and to date them, and of course marry them.. ) but to be in a successful long term relationship, we have to make a LOT of sacrifices...

1- Men do not tend to be nearly as confident as they try to come across. When we women make more money than they do, or are more capable of kicking some mugger's ass than they are, or have an executive position somewhere, MEN GET INSECURE... In the equality based world that we live in, women DO pay most or at least their share of the bills, and take care of the children more than men do, in spite of men being the ones who used to bear the primary role of child-rearing, before women entered the workplace..

2- Women rearing the kids now has become some kind of "gender role" in the eyes of men.. Even if one woman's husband loses his job and is capable of staying home with the children, she will still come home to dirty dishes, laundry, and toilet scrubbing, anyways, and all this will be done by HER after she checks the homework, disciplines them, and puts them to bed.

3- After all this, the woman just wants a fucking shoulder rub, a nice hot bubble bath, or a little "me time", so that she can RELAX. Men can not seem to get this through their thick fucking skulls. No.. They want SEX to relax, and they will CONTINUE to be self loathing little assholes to her all because she has a REAL HEADACHE. Guess who caused that REAL headache??? The man did- not fulfilling HIS end of the responsibilities..

4- So the woman and man fight, and the woman's cortisol levels go up another notch.. Instead of her getting a half hour of alone time, and him enjoying some sports show for a half hour, it ESCALATES. She can't shrug him off, and the cortisol levels increase, thereby killing any chance of her naturally burning calories in her day to day routine.. This is how women GAIN weight.

5- She decides to get in the bath, once the fighting dies off (because he races off to the bedroom to pout) and relaxes. A half hour later, she is ready to fuck her man like a bunny, but since he was too piggish to give her a lousy half hour, and chose to lay in the bed pouting and steaming at her, as if she is "withholding sex"- he then decides to be a DICK and do her one back- and ACTUALLY REFUSES SEX TO HER. ...and this is why women end up not having sex with their man that night..

6- So there is another build up of tension, and the next day, she turns to ice cream, which the cortisol is holding onto the fat from, and gains a little extra weight. This pattern of male dominating behavior continues on a regular basis, even if not daily (because the woman, being the one to always pick up the slack anyways, will eventually cave, like she does when he "tries" to do housework and fails miserably on purpose, just to get HER to do that too..) because MEN do not PICK UP their share of the household, childcare, and emotional responsibilities to their women. Weight is gained (on both sides, you should know) opportunities to have sex are lost, and eventually the tension builds up to the point that one of the partners ends up deciding to end the relationship, in whatever way they choose- divorce initiated by either side, the man cheating, the man verbally abusing/hitting/ pushing the woman, the woman going out dancing with her friends, just for that half hour of peace while she is "getting ready" and to get away from the kids, etc.. substance abuse, failure to continue helping with bills, the children, etc.. The woman quitting putting on make up and nice clothes to impress him and get him to be loving again.. ETC.


THEN on the other hand, there are these other women who know exactly how to deal with all of these things from the word GO-

1- When dating, dont even let him touch you for the first few weeks, and dont sleep with him for a few months at least..
2- Talk sweetly and establish boundaries and rules, as well as expectations of what she wants the future to hold for her..
3- Have sex at least twice a week.. just to keep him sassified..
4- Share chores and other responsibilities, preferably BEFORE having some jerk's kids..
5- Insist on him holding the doors and pulling chairs out for her- She folds his clothes and lays them out for him.. He can open a fucking door and actually learn how to BE a REAL man for her.
6- She knows exactly when he is telling the world he loves her- He introduces her as his woman, or his girlfriend, his chick, etc, and holds her hand or drapes his arm protectively around her in the presence of company, and possibly in public, too.
7- She is not co-dependent (as this lousy ass fucktard website seems to think that all women should be) and is TOTALLY willing to leave him, should he EVER fuck up, willfully, by intimidating, manipulating, verbally or physically abusing, taking advantage of, or being in any way disrespectful to his woman.
8- She appreciates his efforts to be the "alpha male", when he purchases the groceries for her, to cook a nice dinner for the two of them, or offers her a sandwich even, when she is living paycheck to paycheck. She even lets him know she appreciates his referral to a buddy who runs an inexpensive chop-shop, when her radiator goes out..

You FUCKING MEN do NOT know what women have to go through when we have to deal with ASSHOLE MEN like the ones who read this website and take it to heart.

There IS such a thing as equality in relationships, but it STILL takes TWO to tango. When FUCKTARD MEN figure this out, we will all be MUCH better off!!!!

 

[actsnoblemartin]

not so much getting the milk for free, but i dont need a public committment, it should be between me and her.

debatably, if thats a word lol, you have a point, but i dont think marriage is neccesary or good for all people, not sure what percentage it is good for

im not arguing if you have kids, you should not get married

im arguing that something that fails so much, isnt worth doing

and marriage is NOT neccesary

my love for any woman, of your husband or wife, i dont know your gender.

is not any less if you dont make a contract or put a piece of paper, heck common sense would dictate, that men as well as women have realistic view of how any relationship would work, and who would do what.

But to blindly say, men expect this, i actually agree with you, but again, i go back to two simple things, I and anyone, does not need marriage to make a relationship official, and its too messy if it fails, and fails to often, fine three things lol

Bulcrap......I remember a discussion with the boys in college. ALL of them wanted their future wives to work AND take care of the children AND take care of the house. I knew even then it couldn't be done. Marriage is a partnership and someone needs to take care of the kids, I don't care whom. Both are responsible for making sure the family survives. BOTH are equally as responsible.

I've been married 27 years. My parents were married for more than 50, with 4 years off for bad behavior. Everyone of my surviving siblings is still married to their first spouse. Everyone of my nieces and nephew that married are still married to their SAME spouse. Just because you are too lazy to make a marriage work doesn't mean it's not practical. It takes two to have children and it takes two to raise them. A family unit is much stronger than any individual...I don't care who you are.

Maybe marriages aren't failing so much because it isn't worth doing. Maybe they're failing so much because they need to be done right. And what you're suggesting tells me you don't know any more than the people you're excoriating about how to do it right.

Quite frankly, if you're saying, "My love for you isn't dependent on a piece of paper", what I'm hearing is, "I don't love you enough to make a public, legal commitment to you." Sounds to me like a guy who wants to get the milk for free instead of buying the cow.

 

[dilloduck]

not so much getting the milk for free, but i dont need a public committment, it should be between me and her.

debatably, if thats a word lol, you have a point, but i dont think marriage is neccesary or good for all people, not sure what percentage it is good for

im not arguing if you have kids, you should not get married

im arguing that something that fails so much, isnt worth doing

and marriage is NOT neccesary

my love for any woman, of your husband or wife, i dont know your gender.

is not any less if you dont make a contract or put a piece of paper, heck common sense would dictate, that men as well as women have realistic view of how any relationship would work, and who would do what.

But to blindly say, men expect this, i actually agree with you, but again, i go back to two simple things, I and anyone, does not need marriage to make a relationship official, and its too messy if it fails, and fails to often, fine three things lol

Maybe marriages aren't failing so much because it isn't worth doing. Maybe they're failing so much because they need to be done right. And what you're suggesting tells me you don't know any more than the people you're excoriating about how to do it right.

Quite frankly, if you're saying, "My love for you isn't dependent on a piece of paper", what I'm hearing is, "I don't love you enough to make a public, legal commitment to you." Sounds to me like a guy who wants to get the milk for free instead of buying the cow.

well get out your fucking abacus and get back to us

 

[actsnoblemartin]

actually thinking of jumping ship back to libertarian, but thats another issue

you started it faggot, im just continuing it

and i think its dead asshole, because its not working, some estimates as high as 60%, some 40% of marriages failing, that to me seems like a dying proposition

You always attack me first, cause you a fucking dousche bag, with the iq of one of my turds

go fuck yourself basterd

infact, afaggotsailor, i feel sorry for your parents, they had a retard for a son, probably should've aborted you first chance they got

Well...........speaking of parents Ain't Noble Moron, you shoulda been a blowjob and your momma shoulda swallowed.

By the way, you said you're trying to have an intelligent discussion. My question is, where is it in your deluded little pinhead skull that makes you think that marriage is a dead institution?

Aren't you a GOP type? Those are the party of family values idiot.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

are you high?

seriously abacus, fucktard

not so much getting the milk for free, but i dont need a public committment, it should be between me and her.

debatably, if thats a word lol, you have a point, but i dont think marriage is neccesary or good for all people, not sure what percentage it is good for

Maybe marriages aren't failing so much because it isn't worth doing. Maybe they're failing so much because they need to be done right. And what you're suggesting tells me you don't know any more than the people you're excoriating about how to do it right.

Quite frankly, if you're saying, "My love for you isn't dependent on a piece of paper", what I'm hearing is, "I don't love you enough to make a public, legal commitment to you." Sounds to me like a guy who wants to get the milk for free instead of buying the cow.

well get out your fucking abacus and get back to us

 

[dilloduck]

are you high?

seriously abacus, fucktard

not so much getting the milk for free, but i dont need a public committment, it should be between me and her.

debatably, if thats a word lol, you have a point, but i dont think marriage is neccesary or good for all people, not sure what percentage it is good for

well get out your fucking abacus and get back to us

Med time Marty--you're losin it again --you promised !

 

[actsnoblemartin]

fair enough. I see your point

and when did i say i support women being the property of anyone?

second, im going back to how women have been acting in the last 50-60 years.

you probably dont know this, but women commit domestic violence against men, but men are ashamed to admit it, because our society still tends to not take it as seriously as it should.

women used to dress appropritely, morally, not having their tits and panties hanging out.

they didnt use to sleep around , like they do today , and act like its a good thing

feminism: men act like jackasses, we have the right to act the same or worse

for the record, i dont agree with men sleeping around either

if women work their butt off, why do they accept alimony?, why do they expect men to pay for dates, and sometimes bills.

answer me that one batman

what a silly premise.

balanced and fair? for centuries women were the property of the men they married and were traded for family power, position and wealth.

balanced and fair?

pffftt....

and every woman i know works her butt off...

Alimony tends to be based on the amount of time and energy one has invested in the marriage and family, to the detriment of possible careers and personal earning opportunities. In other words, alimony is intended to compensate women - and sometimes men, these days - for the trade-offs they made that leave them less able to earn a lot of money if the marriage dissolves.

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage. I believe in it, even though I am not married. lol Whether a marriage succeeds or fails, ultimately falls on the shoulders of both people in the relationship.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

god damit, why did you write me a book report.

NoMarriage.com - Why marriage no longer makes sense.

Traditional marriage balances different privileges and obligations for men and women. Modern woman wants all the benefits of "equality" without any of the responsibilities.

Traditional Western culture balanced special privileges for women with special obligations, and the same for men.

Equality states that no one get special privileges, and that responsibilities and rights should be equally shared.

Either system is balanced and fair. The problem with modern Western culture is that many women want only the positives from both systems:

They want special privileges from the traditional system (men paying, being "gentlemen" by using special deferential manners and language to women, being the main breadwinner, etc) but not the old-fashioned obligations (being modest and ladylike, being a housewife, etc).

That website is absolutely the most insane, misogynistic wad of bullshit I have ever fucking seen in my life.

perhaps Never said i agree with everything it says, but ill ask you why is it insane, misogynistic, and bullshit?

First of all- Women who WANT to get married, are not WANTING the man to pay their way..


no, im talking about during the dating phase

We are OBLIGATED to assuring him the self esteem and appreciation that men associate with paying the dinner tabs,

men are stupid for this imho, women work, they should pay their own way

and changing our tires.

women are smart capable creatures, they can change their own tires

Men NEED to feel like the Alpha Male- the leader, provider, and protector..


those men are stupid, their is no need to be the provider its not the 1950's

WE, women, do not feel that we NEED any of these things in our lives, in todays world.. (even though those are the qualities that cause us to be primatively attracted to certain men and to date them, and of course marry them.. ) but to be in a successful long term relationship, we have to make a LOT of sacrifices...

1- Men do not tend to be nearly as confident as they try to come across. When we women make more money than they do, or are more capable of kicking some mugger's ass than they are, or have an executive position somewhere, MEN GET INSECURE...

Men are stupid for that

In the equality based world that we live in, women DO pay most or at least their share of the bills, and take care of the children more than men do, in spite of men being the ones who used to bear the primary role of child-rearing, before women entered the workplace..

nothing wrong with men taking care of children

2- Women rearing the kids now has become some kind of "gender role" in the eyes of men..

and im against it being assumed men or women should have to do anything, everything should be negotiated


Even if one woman's husband loses his job and is capable of staying home with the children, she will still come home to dirty dishes, laundry, and toilet scrubbing, anyways, and all this will be done by HER after she checks the homework, disciplines them, and puts them to bed.


and i agree men, should split chores and duties down the line.

3- After all this, the woman just wants a fucking shoulder rub, a nice hot bubble bath, or a little "me time", so that she can RELAX.

I agree with you

Men can not seem to get this through their thick fucking skulls.

fair enough, good point.


No.. They want SEX to relax, and they will CONTINUE to be self loathing little assholes to her all because she has a REAL HEADACHE.

I agree

Guess who caused that REAL headache??? The man did- not fulfilling HIS end of the responsibilities..

I agree


4- So the woman and man fight, and the woman's cortisol levels go up another notch.. Instead of her getting a half hour of alone time, and him enjoying some sports show for a half hour, it ESCALATES. She can't shrug him off, and the cortisol levels increase, thereby killing any chance of her naturally burning calories in her day to day routine.. This is how women GAIN weight.


I did not know that

5- She decides to get in the bath, once the fighting dies off (because he races off to the bedroom to pout) and relaxes. A half hour later, she is ready to fuck her man like a bunny, but since he was too piggish to give her a lousy half hour, and chose to lay in the bed pouting and steaming at her, as if she is "withholding sex"- he then decides to be a DICK and do her one back- and ACTUALLY REFUSES SEX TO HER. ...and this is why women end up not having sex with their man that night..

Did not know this


6- So there is another build up of tension, and the next day, she turns to ice cream, which the cortisol is holding onto the fat from, and gains a little extra weight. This pattern of male dominating behavior continues on a regular basis, even if not daily (because the woman, being the one to always pick up the slack anyways, will eventually cave, like she does when he "tries" to do housework and fails miserably on purpose, just to get HER to do that too..) because MEN do not PICK UP their share of the household, childcare, and emotional responsibilities to their women.

that is sad

Weight is gained (on both sides, you should know) opportunities to have sex are lost, and eventually the tension builds up to the point that one of the partners ends up deciding to end the relationship, in whatever way they choose- divorce initiated by either side, the man cheating, the man verbally abusing/hitting/ pushing the woman, the woman going out dancing with her friends, just for that half hour of peace while she is "getting ready" and to get away from the kids, etc.. substance abuse, failure to continue helping with bills, the children, etc.. The woman quitting putting on make up and nice clothes to impress him and get him to be loving again.. ETC.

some women are domestically violent too, but i agree with the rest of what you said


THEN on the other hand, there are these other women who know exactly how to deal with all of these things from the word GO-

1- When dating, dont even let him touch you for the first few weeks, and dont sleep with him for a few months at least..
2- Talk sweetly and establish boundaries and rules, as well as expectations of what she wants the future to hold for her..
3- Have sex at least twice a week.. just to keep him sassified..
4- Share chores and other responsibilities, preferably BEFORE having some jerk's kids..
5- Insist on him holding the doors and pulling chairs out for her- She folds his clothes and lays them out for him.. He can open a fucking door and actually learn how to BE a REAL man for her.
6- She knows exactly when he is telling the world he loves her- He introduces her as his woman, or his girlfriend, his chick, etc, and holds her hand or drapes his arm protectively around her in the presence of company, and possibly in public, too.
7- She is not co-dependent (as this lousy ass fucktard website seems to think that all women should be) and is TOTALLY willing to leave him, should he EVER fuck up, willfully, by intimidating, manipulating, verbally or physically abusing, taking advantage of, or being in any way disrespectful to his woman.
8- She appreciates his efforts to be the "alpha male", when he purchases the groceries for her, to cook a nice dinner for the two of them, or offers her a sandwich even, when she is living paycheck to paycheck. She even lets him know she appreciates his referral to a buddy who runs an inexpensive chop-shop, when her radiator goes out..

You FUCKING MEN do NOT know what women have to go through when we have to deal with ASSHOLE MEN like the ones who read this website and take it to heart.

There IS such a thing as equality in relationships, but it STILL takes TWO to tango. When FUCKTARD MEN figure this out, we will all be MUCH better off!!!!

wow, i dont normally say this, but you put me in my place. My respect level for you just went 1000% up. Nice job

 

[actsnoblemartin]

im a bit grumpy, i miss my princess

you could cut me a little slack you know instead of always just criticizing me

are you high?

seriously abacus, fucktard

well get out your fucking abacus and get back to us

Med time Marty--you're losin it again --you promised !

 

[BasicGreatGuy]

I dont disagree with you there, but I dont believe men is financially, spiritually, or emotionally advantageous for a man to get married under todays climate.

Children deserve two parents. Period.

As far as I am concerned, the world is going to hell on the A train. However, if I have a good woman by my side walking with me each step of the way, being my best friend, my confidant, my lover, and I her, the relationship will be stronger than anything that gets thrown against us from outside the relationship.

Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is a living entity. It needs to be nourished with the water of understanding. It needs to be cultivated with the tines of compassion. It needs to be fed with the food of love. A relationship is not about being perfect, or measuring up to other peoples expectations. A relationship doesn't make us who we are. It should enhance who we already are. The same goes for marriage.

 

[Cecilie1200]

not so much getting the milk for free, but i dont need a public committment, it should be between me and her.

debatably, if thats a word lol, you have a point, but i dont think marriage is neccesary or good for all people, not sure what percentage it is good for

im not arguing if you have kids, you should not get married

im arguing that something that fails so much, isnt worth doing

and marriage is NOT neccesary

my love for any woman, of your husband or wife, i dont know your gender.

is not any less if you dont make a contract or put a piece of paper, heck common sense would dictate, that men as well as women have realistic view of how any relationship would work, and who would do what.

But to blindly say, men expect this, i actually agree with you, but again, i go back to two simple things, I and anyone, does not need marriage to make a relationship official, and its too messy if it fails, and fails to often, fine three things lol

Maybe marriages aren't failing so much because it isn't worth doing. Maybe they're failing so much because they need to be done right. And what you're suggesting tells me you don't know any more than the people you're excoriating about how to do it right.

Quite frankly, if you're saying, "My love for you isn't dependent on a piece of paper", what I'm hearing is, "I don't love you enough to make a public, legal commitment to you." Sounds to me like a guy who wants to get the milk for free instead of buying the cow.

Yeah, well, you know what "I don't need a public commitment, it should be between me and her" says to me? It says, "I'm looking to keep my options open and hedge my bets for when I get bored and want an escape route." I wouldn't enter a business partnership on a handshake agreement, and I sure the hell won't enter a lifetime partnership based on your promise of warm, fuzzy feelings. Jump in the deep end, tie yourself down, SIGN THE FRIGGING CONTRACT, or don't waste my fucking time.

If you're not willing to make the commitment in front of God, our families, and the courts, then you're not making a commitment at all.

Marriage is good for everyone, provided they're having a marriage for real, not a complicated, legalized infatuation. A real, true partnership for the long haul is stronger than the sum of its parts, and good for everyone involved.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

that is beautiful and wise, i really think thats amazing

I dont disagree with you there, but I dont believe men is financially, spiritually, or emotionally advantageous for a man to get married under todays climate.

Children deserve two parents. Period.

As far as I am concerned, the world is going to hell on the A train. However, if I have a good woman by my side walking with me each step of the way, being my best friend, my confidant, my lover, and I her, the relationship will be stronger than anything that gets thrown against us from outside the relationship.

Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is a living entity. It needs to be nourished with the water of understanding. It needs to be cultivated with the tines of compassion. It needs to be fed with the food of love. A relationship is not about being perfect, or measuring up to other peoples expectations. A relationship doesn't make us who we are. It should enhance who we already are. The same goes for marriage.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Let me just throw this in, so everyone knows where I'm coming from when I talk about "real, true marriage and partnerships".

I got pregnant within the first month after my husband and I got married. After I had our son, Nicky, my lower back was so damaged that I ended up bedridden for two months. When I say "bedridden", I mean I couldn't move anything except my arms from the elbow down, because anything else pulled on my back muscles and was excruciating.

My husband's employer didn't have a paternity leave policy, just maternity leave. He went up the chain of command and bullied the company into giving him paternity leave so he could stay home and take care of his invalid wife, brand-new baby, and six-year-old stepdaughter.

For two months, he patiently did physical therapy exercises to help my back, fed me, bathed me, carried me to and from the toilet when I needed to go, and changed my bedclothes around my immobile body so gently and carefully that it hardly hurt me at all. All of this while dealing with the house and two children. He never once got angry or impatient about this that I ever saw, although since we had only been married a year, he had to have wondered at some point whether he'd bought himself a lemon.

A lot of men, dealing with a pregnant woman before the honeymoon was even over and THEN having to deal with an invalid, would have decided they weren't in love anymore and walked out.

This to me is romantic and sexy beyond any hearts, flowers, birds singing and toes tingling you care to name. This is what REAL marriage is: having a partner to work with you through the shit that life dumps on you, and being that partner for someone else, so that together, you can do things that neither of you could do alone.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

not so much getting the milk for free, but i dont need a public committment, it should be between me and her.

debatably, if thats a word lol, you have a point, but i dont think marriage is neccesary or good for all people, not sure what percentage it is good for

Maybe marriages aren't failing so much because it isn't worth doing. Maybe they're failing so much because they need to be done right. And what you're suggesting tells me you don't know any more than the people you're excoriating about how to do it right.

Quite frankly, if you're saying, "My love for you isn't dependent on a piece of paper", what I'm hearing is, "I don't love you enough to make a public, legal commitment to you." Sounds to me like a guy who wants to get the milk for free instead of buying the cow.

Yeah, well, you know what "I don't need a public commitment, it should be between me and her" says to me? It says, "I'm looking to keep my options open and hedge my bets for when I get bored and want an escape route." I wouldn't enter a business partnership on a handshake agreement, and I sure the hell won't enter a lifetime partnership based on your promise of warm, fuzzy feelings. Jump in the deep end, tie yourself down, SIGN THE FRIGGING CONTRACT, or don't waste my fucking time.


I understand your position, and it makes sense up to a point. But dont people need their space, and does a contract prevent the disolution of the business or relationship, does it prevent cheating, or the spouse physically or mentally harming the other?


If you're not willing to make the commitment in front of God, our families, and the courts, then you're not making a commitment at all.


Marriage is good for everyone, provided they're having a marriage for real, not a complicated, legalized infatuation. A real, true partnership for the long haul is stronger than the sum of its parts, and good for everyone involved.

You are making me really think about this, which is the reason I made this post. Contrary to what some might think, I wanted to discuss the issue of marriage, is it good or bad.

I wish i could rep you again, you are quite intelligent, and i appreciate your words.

 

[actsnoblemartin]

but beyond the excuses, of wanting my own space, and fear of divorce

I dont think their is a woman out their that can put up with me , and my disabilities, aspergers, ocd, anxiety.

I just feel like ill never find her, because 90% of women want kids, and how will i ever find a patient, kind, loving, sweet, sensual women, who also dont want kids

so i feel hopeless and unworthy.

and socially afraid, because of my aspergers, how will i find a woman who will understand me, and the fact i have an eating disorder

I would love to find a woman who could convince me she could be my dragon, and love me through thick and thin, if youve seen shrek, the donkey ends up with the dragon

so there you go.

my being vulnerable because of your wise words

I truly only wanted a discussion, about marriage.

and some of you, are being very helpful

Let me just throw this in, so everyone knows where I'm coming from when I talk about "real, true marriage and partnerships".

I got pregnant within the first month after my husband and I got married. After I had our son, Nicky, my lower back was so damaged that I ended up bedridden for two months. When I say "bedridden", I mean I couldn't move anything except my arms from the elbow down, because anything else pulled on my back muscles and was excruciating.

My husband's employer didn't have a paternity leave policy, just maternity leave. He went up the chain of command and bullied the company into giving him paternity leave so he could stay home and take care of his invalid wife, brand-new baby, and six-year-old stepdaughter.

For two months, he patiently did physical therapy exercises to help my back, fed me, bathed me, carried me to and from the toilet when I needed to go, and changed my bedclothes around my immobile body so gently and carefully that it hardly hurt me at all. All of this while dealing with the house and two children. He never once got angry or impatient about this that I ever saw, although since we had only been married a year, he had to have wondered at some point whether he'd bought himself a lemon.

A lot of men, dealing with a pregnant woman before the honeymoon was even over and THEN having to deal with an invalid, would have decided they weren't in love anymore and walked out.

This to me is romantic and sexy beyond any hearts, flowers, birds singing and toes tingling you care to name. This is what REAL marriage is: having a partner to work with you through the shit that life dumps on you, and being that partner for someone else, so that together, you can do things that neither of you could do alone.