Why It's Good to Be A Man

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  1. Adam's Apple
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    Why It's Good to Be a Man
    By Mark Patinkin, The Providence Journal 08-MAR-05

    _ Three pairs of shoes. Period.

    _ Don't have to know what color "teal" is, or even that it's a color.

    _ The Kleenex fairy replaces all empty boxes.

    _ We do not have a nervous breakdown if we gain five pounds.

    _ No need to color hair when it turns gray.

    _ Formalwear covered for a lifetime with the purchase of single tuxedo.

    _ Don't have to worry that our rear end looks too big in these jeans.

    _ No need to match eye shadow to eye color, unless we happen to be Elton John.

    _ Can hang wet towel on bathroom door and coats on dining-room chairs.

    _ No need to flee house at sight of spider.

    _ Can wear same outfit three times a week.

    _ Not necessary to take out home-equity loan to purchase makeup.

    _ Don't need to know what "bronzer" is.

    _ Our shoes not designed by apprentices of Marquis de Sade.

    _ No underwire or padding in our underwear.

    _ Don't need to clean before the housekeeper gets here.

    _ No compunction about weighing ourselves after dinner, with our clothes on.

    _ Can drink orange juice out of carton.

    _ Our only accessorizing is the watch we wear every day.

    _ One small bathroom kit for vacation instead of second suitcase.

    _ Instead of a closetful of pricey handbags, with a new one bought every month, one wallet lasts a decade.

    _ Can dress like a slob when going to gym.

    _ Don't care how we look under fluorescent lights _ or are even aware there's a difference.

    _ Newspapers work as placemats.

    _ Never have to traumatize partner by asking, "Do I look fat in this?"

    _ No need to analyze supposed hidden meaning in friends' comments.

    _ The remote control is ours for eternity.


    http://www.shns.com/shns/g_index2.cfm?action=detail&pk=PATINKIN-03-08-05
     

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