Who's funnier????

[Rambunctious]

Most of the time when I log on to this board I can find objection to something someone is posting and at times some threads can get a bit angry. Many times however the person I'm arguing a point with says something funny and I leave the board laughing. Mostly I end up laughing at something that was said at my expense.

My point is that there are a lot of funny people on this board, so lets have your best jokes. Lets see who's funnier, Democrats Republicans or Independents. State your Party affiliation and post your best joke.

Lets give it a try.

 

[AllieBaba]

I have joker's block.

 

[Oddball]

I can only ever remember groaners.

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

Someone had a little trouble understanding a post I made and went off on a" Lassie did timmy fall in the well bit" that started funny, but quickly turned into gibberish even more confounding than my own .

 

[PoliticalChic]

Most of the time when I log on to this board I can find objection to something someone is posting and at times some threads can get a bit angry. Many times however the person I'm arguing a point with says something funny and I leave the board laughing. Mostly I end up laughing at something that was said at my expense.

My point is that there are a lot of funny people on this board, so lets have your best jokes. Lets see who's funnier, Democrats Republicans or Independents. State your Party affiliation and post your best joke.

Lets give it a try.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot-dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything". He then pays the vendor and asks for change. The vendor says, "change comes from within".

 

[Meister]

Do you know what you call an Omish farmer with his arm up to his shoulder in a cows butt?
V
V
V
V
a mechanic

 

[Big Black Dog]

Pull my finger...

 

[LuckyDan]

Do you know what you call an Omish farmer with his arm up to his shoulder in a cows butt?
V
V
V
V
a mechanic

Get under the couch.

 

[Rambunctious]

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening Marine, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is my Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

 

[uscitizen]

Booooooosh!

 

[Avatar4321]

A Native American walks into a trading post. Asks the clerk for his name brand toilet paper. The Clerk said, "Sorry, we're out. But we have this no name toilet paper.

The Native American decides a no name brand is better than nothing so he takes it and goes back home.

A few weeks later he comes back. And the Clerk asks him how he's been.

He says, "Fine. But I've got a name for the toilet paper"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, we should call it John Wayne."

"John Wayne? Why???"

Wait for it....






"Because it's rough, it's tough, and it don't take no crap off no Indian."


And I think you all know my party affiliation.

 

[mudwhistle]

I think the funniest person is one who's not trying to be funny but says something true and something that makes you laugh out loud.

I can't say for sure who that is right now.

 

[Avatar4321]

I think the funniest person is one who's not trying to be funny but says something true and something that makes you laugh out loud.

I can't say for sure who that is right now.

I agree. Im much better winging it than telling a formal style joke

 

[SFC Ollie]

There were 3 officers a young Lieutenant , a mature Major, and an older General. They were discussing sex. The LT said that he thought sex was 100% pleasure. The major stated that it was actually 50% pleasure and 50% work. the General assured them both that it really was all work.
The discussion went on for a while and the general finally said, look here boys, we need to find out what the Sergeants think of this.

Sure enough i happened to come around the corner about that time and the General called me over. I saluted and greeted the three officers and the general asked me, " SFC Ollie, we need to know if making love is 100% pleasure, 50% pleasure and 50 % work, or 100% work. What do you Sergeants say."

I thought for a second and replied, "Sir, there can be no doubt that making love is 100% pleasure. If there were any work involved you'd of had us doing it for you years ago."

 

[pete]

Presidential candidate, Barack Obama was visiting a primary school
and he
visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to
words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he
would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious
democrat presidential candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives
on a farm,
is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be
a tragedy.'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove
over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great
loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched
the room.
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a
quiet
voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a
'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why
that
would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't
be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.'

 

[uscitizen]

Of all the lame panssy assed threads I have seen this seem to be limpest one of all.

And it is not even in the humor category.

Pathetic peckernecks.

 

[SFC Ollie]

Of all the lame panssy assed threads I have seen this seem to be limpest one of all.

And it is not even in the humor category.

Pathetic peckernecks.

Translation: The Republicans have better jokes.

 

[uscitizen]

Of all the lame panssy assed threads I have seen this seem to be limpest one of all.

And it is not even in the humor category.

Pathetic peckernecks.

Translation: The Republicans have better jokes.

Awww you skipped ahead to the punchline and blew it.
it is "The republicans are better jokes".

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

On a slow day with few customers, a clerk at a telegram office looks down from her counter and sees a dog waiting in line.
"Oh, aren't you cute?" she says. "What would you like me to put on your telegram?"
"Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow," the dog replies.
The clerk says in a cutesy voice, "But you can add another 'Bow wow wow' for the same price."

The dog responds, "Now wouldn't that sound a little silly?"

 

[mudwhistle]

Of all the lame panssy assed threads I have seen this seem to be limpest one of all.

And it is not even in the humor category.

Pathetic peckernecks.

If uscitzen was on Air Force One with the Obamas when it went down....now that would be priceless.