Who should get married in this day and age?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Questioner, Dec 1, 2019 at 5:38 PM.

  1. Questioner
    Offline

    Questioner Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2019
    Messages:
    265
    Thanks Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Ratings:
    +67
    I've heard arguments from various sources that people, at least some people would be better off not getting married, or having children, and historically this has varied from person to person (some well-known individuals such as Adam Smith or Issac Newton never married, and some thinkers such as Epicurus and the Apostle Paul advised against it).

    I never bought into a nihilistic worldview which just seeks to blame men or women for marriage or child-raising problems, I believe some people have managed to create a happy marriage - nevertheless, many people have asserted misery and dysfunction as a result of marriage, and every serious, mature discussion I have encountered on the topic (such as Married Love by Marie Stopes) acknowledge the potential problems and effort which one would need in order to make a marriage work, and that many people were ignorant, willfully or otherwise of this.

    Many "popular" notions of marriage may have more in common with Jean Jaques Rousseau and his "romantic" worldview, or holdovers from institutions such as the Catholic Church (e.x. idealistic vows such as not parting until death, which in practice is obviously not realistic in many instances, especially in cases of abuse or neglect).

    Some people also tend to romanticize archaic, 3rd world cultures, in which marriages were believed to last longer, however this often had to do with pragmatic factors, such as few options in terms of a partner, or social factors such as arranged marriages - and I don't believe any sane person is going to advocate retrogressing back to a 3rd world culture simply to solve marriage problems, nor that such an idea would be feasible, outside perhaps of a fundamentalist Mormon church, or some group of that nature.

    So what are others thoughts on marriage today - how to make a marriage work, or whether or not some people should decide not to marry or have children.

    (I refuse to engage in discussion with "incels" or individuals who want to turn this into a discussion about their hatred of "men / women" or something asinine like that - serious discussions are allowed only).
     
  2. Oddball
    Online

    Oddball Unobtanium Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2009
    Messages:
    57,389
    Thanks Received:
    12,225
    Trophy Points:
    2,190
    Location:
    Drinking wine, eating cheese, catching rays
    Ratings:
    +41,212
    If it's not a private common law union, nobody.
     
  3. Questioner
    Offline

    Questioner Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2019
    Messages:
    265
    Thanks Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Ratings:
    +67
    That's what I was talking about. (The reference to arranged marriage was sarcastic, but I've encountered some people who were seriously advocating that as a solution to marital dissolution before).
     
  4. Oddball
    Online

    Oddball Unobtanium Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2009
    Messages:
    57,389
    Thanks Received:
    12,225
    Trophy Points:
    2,190
    Location:
    Drinking wine, eating cheese, catching rays
    Ratings:
    +41,212
    My only problem with the institution is statutory marriage (i.e. The State as an interested third party in the union).

    Outside of that, it's a voluntary agreement between consenting adults....Period, full stop.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
  5. Tijn Von Ingersleben
    Offline

    Tijn Von Ingersleben Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2018
    Messages:
    5,612
    Thanks Received:
    669
    Trophy Points:
    275
    Ratings:
    +4,559
    no point.
     
  6. whoisit
    Offline

    whoisit VIP Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2016
    Messages:
    778
    Thanks Received:
    123
    Trophy Points:
    80
    Ratings:
    +414
    Works for some but not all. I choose to be married, not always bliss but what is.
     
  7. Gdjjr
    Offline

    Gdjjr Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2019
    Messages:
    650
    Thanks Received:
    93
    Trophy Points:
    45
    Location:
    Texas
    Ratings:
    +373
    I've tried it, wasn't successful, and don't pretend I can offer others advice about it.
    I don't believe the gov't should be involved unless/until one is harmed.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  8. beautress
    Offline

    beautress Platinum Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2018
    Messages:
    10,476
    Thanks Received:
    3,699
    Trophy Points:
    1,095
    Location:
    Walker County, TX
    Ratings:
    +10,838
    "Who should get married in this day and age?"

    In the fifties and sixties, it made people happy to see a wedding going on at the end of the picture.

    But not to worry. The top movie producer decided to hang that out to dry, started raping and assaulting actresses who wouldn't be stars without it, so now, the male actors just commit suicide since their first ladies are in rehab learning to deal with their required "audition." But that's hollywierd for ya. And your children learn from the stuff they are watching produced by people who've created this alternative hell for human beings who'd do anything for the privilege of playing a part and becoming rich and famous from their work, soiled by evil men. Evil men who influence America's children's minds and opinions about everything they do not learn in school.

    You will find no respect for marriage in the daycare center of the motion picture, and some say television is very little better.

    You will, however, find a mountain of Hollyweirdo movies which celebrate divorce, fighting, accusing others of being vain, fighting, adultery, fighting, fornication, fighting, and fighting, and fighting, and fighting....

    Kids watch adult bonding stuff from the time they're placed in a baby seat in front of the tv until they leave home. When parents use the little comfy chairs to babysit their child, they may leave the room frequently to do household tasks, forgetting the child is there, unaccompanied, watching soft porn advertisements with partially-dressed models caressing adonis's bare back, or someone abusing someone else. Even the news can be too intense for a small child, and if mom is outside hanging the clothes, she may not hear the child crying.

    If you think attitudes cannot be formed in infancy, think again. And it's particularly unpleasant to turn your child over to a caregiver who has a different agenda from what is acceptable to you and your family.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
  9. MarathonMike
    Offline

    MarathonMike Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2014
    Messages:
    14,780
    Thanks Received:
    4,486
    Trophy Points:
    390
    Location:
    The Southwestern Desert
    Ratings:
    +26,626
    I don't see a very rosy future for the institution of marriage largely because of the rise of selfishness and narcissism. That is not compatible with marriage IMO.

    But if you are lucky enough to marry someone you are compatible with beyond just sex, and you can put your family first, it can be really great. I've also seen it go the other way to the point where it would have been sooooo much better for everyone had the marriage never happened.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  10. hjmick
    Offline

    hjmick Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2007
    Messages:
    20,446
    Thanks Received:
    5,479
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    Ratings:
    +11,683
    Anyone who wants to.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1

Share This Page