Who gives a Crap!

[Terry]

Update:

The valve replacement is working really slow so they are watching it closely. They may have to go in and put a pace maker in. My family except for my sister are all totally MESSED UP! I went to my mother's house as I have been doing daily to take my brother food and take care of my mom's african grey bird and toy pom dog. My brother has a nasty pressure sore on his foot. It is wide open and looks very bad. I told him he has to go to the ER and he threw a fit. I called his son and demanded he take him to the hospital. His son's response was "He always gets those" This one is bad, I'm no doctor but to me I think if one doctor took a look at it they would send him to surgery, open it up, to irrigate and clean it. I've brought up putting my brother in a hospital but nobody will have it, especially now that my mom is dealing with this. They said if mom gets wind of it, or is released, goes home and sees he was committed she will die on the spot. It is tearing me apart because I know that he needs to be in the hospital and I'm arguing with everyone and nothing but fighting.

I just want to go home now. *cry*

My brother sent me a text message and wants to go to the hospital to see my mother. I call his son to take him, his son made excuse after excuse. Now I am going to have to do this. I will try to get someone to see his foot but it will cause a major scene, my brother will fight and scream like his life depended on it. HOLY CRAP!

It is a lot easier to figure out what to do, but when you're in those shoes and getting nothing but brick walls in front of you, it isn't so easy.

I'm heading up to the hospital now. I have to take a class on how to care for my mother if she gets out of the hospital.

I don't know why her pallets (sp?) are so low at 50. I tried to ask her doctor and he turned to my mom and told her, we are watching you closely and left!!!! WTH.

 

[Terry]

my gosh I re-read my last post and i even couldn't understand most of it. Sorry.

Lets just say, Mom has a little set back, I have no support with my brother but rather road block after road block with him.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Our family's prayers are with you, Terry. You have such hard decisions to make it in a situation that is not supportive of making hard decisions, so it is all just the more hard on you. I am sad for that. Hang in there!

 

[Foxfyre]

Oh Terry. So wish there was some way to help. It's exhausting and heart wrenching enough to have one loved one in crisis and that is enough load for anybody. But then when you add on a screwed up family on top of it, it sometimes seems unbearable. I know from personal experience what that is like. Hold your dominion friend.

 

[strollingbones]

okay first one must stop beating their head on the brick wall...it really only hurts one's head.

now lets deal with priorities....your mom...making sure she is taken care of...a

2nd deal with the fact they all fucking suck.....okay ...just fucking suck...stop calling them and asking them for help they aint gonna do it...

have you discussed your brother with your mom? is your mom healthy enough for that?

take a triage nurse in er...explain what is going on...try to get her to look at the foot....and see whats up...if he needs medical care....call his son and let the doctor talk to his son...at this point....honey you have done all you can do. if he tosses a damn fit in the er....leave...let them call the son....

i am sorry your family is as fucked up as mine.....that is why i really only consider my mom, my son and my man family.

 

[xotoxi]

Update:

The valve replacement is working really slow so they are watching it closely. They may have to go in and put a pace maker in. My family except for my sister are all totally MESSED UP! I went to my mother's house as I have been doing daily to take my brother food and take care of my mom's african grey bird and toy pom dog. My brother has a nasty pressure sore on his foot. It is wide open and looks very bad. I told him he has to go to the ER and he threw a fit. I called his son and demanded he take him to the hospital. His son's response was "He always gets those" This one is bad, I'm no doctor but to me I think if one doctor took a look at it they would send him to surgery, open it up, to irrigate and clean it. I've brought up putting my brother in a hospital but nobody will have it, especially now that my mom is dealing with this. They said if mom gets wind of it, or is released, goes home and sees he was committed she will die on the spot. It is tearing me apart because I know that he needs to be in the hospital and I'm arguing with everyone and nothing but fighting.

I just want to go home now. *cry*

My brother sent me a text message and wants to go to the hospital to see my mother. I call his son to take him, his son made excuse after excuse. Now I am going to have to do this. I will try to get someone to see his foot but it will cause a major scene, my brother will fight and scream like his life depended on it. HOLY CRAP!

It is a lot easier to figure out what to do, but when you're in those shoes and getting nothing but brick walls in front of you, it isn't so easy.

I'm heading up to the hospital now. I have to take a class on how to care for my mother if she gets out of the hospital.

I don't know why her pallets (sp?) are so low at 50. I tried to ask her doctor and he turned to my mom and told her, we are watching you closely and left!!!! WTH.

What is the deal with your nephew? He sounds like a goddamn prick (if you don't mind me saying). Both your mother's and brother's conditions are expected based on their health...but the boy is just a saboteur.

Best of luck with all of that. I don't envy you having to deal with some of those people.

 

[strollingbones]

okay terry here is what i do....it is kinda neurotic but what the hell.....i cry in the car...i swear...i can be stotic all day...smile...blah blah blah...i get in my car and burst into tears..and sob till i get to the next place...keep puffs in your car....dont wear eyemake up....i dont so that isnt a problem...but i just sob like a fucking 3 year old...for as long as i have to drive..then i get out ...pull up the big girl panties and get on with it....

 

[Terry]

too long to explain the drama of the day. Lets just say I'm ready to call any agency to come in and take my brother! My mother has worked hard to keep my brother in her house and cared for but apparently the last year she hasn't been able to do much but she is afraid if I make him go to the doctor he will get out eventually and never return but to live on the streets. She told me, do all I can to keep him in his home. Then the nurse came running in because her BP sky rocketed.

I didn't tell my mom any of the details but she knows my brother and nephew. Nephew seems to want to keep his dad sick with no help so he can steal and get over on his dad "MONEY" Sad, and I'm pissed off!

I told my sister I'm going to come down heavy on him if I see him tomorrow. That kid will either take his dad to his house, hospital, or he will be coming over to my mom's house at least a few hours each day to bath him, feed, him, and run his errands.

My mother cannot take care of herself now, and it is going to be hard enough for my sister and I to manage how we are going to do this in her home.

This nephew already got a call from my sister telling nephew to get over to his house NOW, but he had an excuse of NO CAR, and at work. Then he proceeded to send my brother a TEXT message of LIES, and now it has made the situation worse.

I have reached my saturation point, so confrontation is my next step.

Thanks to all of you for the suggestions! I haven't had the luxury to cry yet, I'll probably do that when I enter my nervous break down. *laugh*

 

[Terry]

Update:

The valve replacement is working really slow so they are watching it closely. They may have to go in and put a pace maker in. My family except for my sister are all totally MESSED UP! I went to my mother's house as I have been doing daily to take my brother food and take care of my mom's african grey bird and toy pom dog. My brother has a nasty pressure sore on his foot. It is wide open and looks very bad. I told him he has to go to the ER and he threw a fit. I called his son and demanded he take him to the hospital. His son's response was "He always gets those" This one is bad, I'm no doctor but to me I think if one doctor took a look at it they would send him to surgery, open it up, to irrigate and clean it. I've brought up putting my brother in a hospital but nobody will have it, especially now that my mom is dealing with this. They said if mom gets wind of it, or is released, goes home and sees he was committed she will die on the spot. It is tearing me apart because I know that he needs to be in the hospital and I'm arguing with everyone and nothing but fighting.

I just want to go home now. *cry*

My brother sent me a text message and wants to go to the hospital to see my mother. I call his son to take him, his son made excuse after excuse. Now I am going to have to do this. I will try to get someone to see his foot but it will cause a major scene, my brother will fight and scream like his life depended on it. HOLY CRAP!

It is a lot easier to figure out what to do, but when you're in those shoes and getting nothing but brick walls in front of you, it isn't so easy.

I'm heading up to the hospital now. I have to take a class on how to care for my mother if she gets out of the hospital.

I don't know why her pallets (sp?) are so low at 50. I tried to ask her doctor and he turned to my mom and told her, we are watching you closely and left!!!! WTH.

What is the deal with your nephew? He sounds like a goddamn prick (if you don't mind me saying). Both your mother's and brother's conditions are expected based on their health...but the boy is just a saboteur.

Best of luck with all of that. I don't envy you having to deal with some of those people.

He is a dirt bag! His mother left my brother 28 years ago when my brother became deaf and in his wheel chair. this kid has lived with his mother since and only comes to see his dad when he wants MONEY.

Here is an idea, he looks clean shaven and stuff but picture one of those white trash rednecks on the TV Show COPS...That is him. MF!!!!

I'm so livid right now! I had to take my brother to the hospital to visit my mother because nobody else would. My brother reeked of PEE, his chair is 15 years old, he hasn't eaten in days. I've taken food to him but he will not eat it. I go over to my moms house for 4 hours a day to do what I can, the rest in the hospital with my mother.

That house now stinks really bad. Sister and I are going to clean it top to bottom tomorrow. Looks clean just dust and the smell is horrible. Its from the animals and my brother. He isn't caring for himself and unable to, my mother can never do this again. Actually both probably should be sent to some type of assisted living facility but I cannot do that to my mom with her history with her parents and that issue.

Just talking out loud here via my fingers.

It seems I get the calls of people acting like they care but when I ask a niece, nephew, grandchild of my mothers for some real help...Like take my brother to see his mom, they all of a sudden are to F'ing busy.

(%&(#&$(#&$(#&$(

Hugs to you all. I'll rep you when I can stay on longer. I promise I won't forget.

 

[random3434]

My heart is breaking for you Terry. I wish there was someone else to help you dear. Anyone on your side of the family that can help? You husband's family?

How about hiring a home nurse to come to the house a few hours a day, and a maid once a week or something like that. (after you go back home) Would that work?

We are here for you to vent, do it as much as you want, and God Bless!

 

[JW Frogen]

I give a crap, I like the crap of your soul beautiful lady.

The world depends on creative crap to fertilize the place and keep it growing.

 

[JW Frogen]

I am going to miss your crap.

 

[Care4all]

hope all is still going well with your mom terry!

on your brother, since living in Florida....can you Baker Act him?

 

[strollingbones]

hey terry....hope things are just a wee bit better for you this am...remember this mal will resolve itself one damned way or another....thinking of you....

 

[strollingbones]

terry,

here are some hints...get all the legal docs together that you can find.

does your mother have guardianship over brother or just a family thing?

cell phone....you will come to find its your 3rd hand....you will always need to have it with you...
you need to learn to forward the house phone to the cell phone....(that is so you are not worried that someone is trying to reach you and cant)

realize...you are one person....you can only do so much...and yea...for some reason we do get paralized ...i do not know why...but i have long periods of just going kinda comatose...i think it is simple the mind trying to cope with all the stress...

somewhere is the control dude..going what the fuck is going on down there...what the hell are you peeps doing...i think when it just gets too much...he just shuts it down....and trys to reboot...i could give you an arms long list of stuff i dont get done in a day...guess what...they can use the damned dog towels...it wont kill them....i have seen people live on less than sticky buns and lemondae....
get the milk up...that stuff turns rancid....pretty fast...

o and the kindness of total strangers will amaze you. funny how our families will fuck us over in a heartbeat but total strangers will show you kindness....

 

[Terry]

Drama from yesterday:

Fun filled day I had! My sister and I went over to my mother's house to do some detail cleaning to get rid of a lot of dust. Enter the home, air condition is turned off once again by my brother. Inside it was 90 degree's. As my sister was trying to explain to my brother to stop doing that I went outside to try to find the reset inside the unit. After one hour and unscrewing 18 screws, no reset button could be located. Went inside to play with thermostat, still only fan blowing compressor will not turn on.

Ok so my sister and I call to have AC guy come out today. My guess is the capacitor or freon (sp) Min. cost $150.00 we don't have but going to put it on my sisters credit card.

we start to clean in this 90 degree heat and the NEPHEW comes in to visit my brother his dad. I hear nephew and not once did he even ask his dad how is his foot or anything. My anger was over taking me.

I finally said to him, You have to step it up, this is your father and you have to take care of him because your grandmother can no longer do anything like she did before. That is when he started yelling at me, calling my F'ing whore, fing bitch and more, he got in my face. I gave it back with things like "when was the last time your dad ate? When was the last time he showered? You either have to remove him from this house and move in with you, or you need to start coming over every day for a few hours, make him food, help in bath, tend to his needs. Then he started with I have a family too. Oh boy I lost it then. Telling him how we all have problems, family, but you have a responsibility to your dad also. I said can you smell the PEE? he almost hit me then, my sister stood in the way, and then nephew left the house. I said to him, hit me you're in jail pal. He left, then brother came reeling in and tried to tell us to get out. He locked himself in his room and refuses to come out now.

My sister told my mother what happened and called nephew, wanted someone to bring my brother to hospital to see her. *GRRRR* All my mom will do is make it worse and she doesn't need to deal with this. My mother told my sister "Terry is right, but this is the wrong time" I told my sister, Mom has no clue, when is the right time? This should have been done years ago.

We didn't get to finish cleaning, I'm headed over there now to clean carpets and be there for the AC guy.

We cannot afford a nurse!

 

[Terry]

hope all is still going well with your mom terry!

on your brother, since living in Florida....can you Baker Act him?

I read about that law. I was ready to call all agency's yesterday. Just the drama last night with ZERO support, I am finding it hard to call agency's. Even my husband on the phone told me "Fuck them All, just come home" *sigh*

 

[strollingbones]

i know how that goes...you want to focus on your mom and there is all this drama going on.

DO NOT BE ALONE WITH SON...simple as that.

are you talking nurse for the mom or the brother....does he get soc security....you may be able to place him in a home with just his soc security or medicaid.

 

[strollingbones]

hope all is still going well with your mom terry!

on your brother, since living in Florida....can you Baker Act him?

I read about that law. I was ready to call all agency's yesterday. Just the drama last night with ZERO support, I am finding it hard to call agency's. Even my husband on the phone told me "Fuck them All, just come home" *sigh*

call the agency....i am filing for guardianship today...a move i was hoping not to make..but her fucking crazy siblings showed up again.....i just cant handle the stress of that...i will take her wrath ....but i have to protect my mom

 

[strollingbones]

just call social services then.....and report your brother....no one is taking care of him...he needs that...

you cant take it all on....the son refuses