Whiny Friend

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Cecilie1200, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. Cecilie1200
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    Cecilie1200 Gold Member

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    How do you go about telling a friend that you think the biggest problem in her life is her own incessant whining and victim mindset . . . and still remain friends with her?

    I really don't want to hurt the girl, and God knows, it isn't that she doesn't have very real problems in life. But the more I watch her and listen to her, the more obvious it becomes that she causes the real problems for herself, and then exacerbates the situation by sniveling. And my sympathy is not increased by the fact that she spends more time agonizing over things that aren't really problems at all than she does about things that actually matter.

    Left to myself, I'd probably just chuck her to the curb, no matter how nice a person she is or how pleasant she can be to have around when she's not whining. Unfortunately, several of my other, very close, friends are quite attached to her, including my best friend, Blair, for whom I would walk through fire if necessary. So for his sake, I'm kinda stuck with her, and fighting the urge to say, "Would you please just pull on your big girl panties and fucking DEAL with it already?!"

    There's gotta be a nicer way to put that.
     
  2. Ringel05
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    Ringel05 Diamond Member

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    See that whip in your hand? Make good use of it..........
     
  3. syrenn
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    syrenn BANNED

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    looks more like a crop and flogger to me
     
  4. uscitizen
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    uscitizen Senior Member

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    Somwe never learn not to whine. The leave home and just have surrogates for mom/dad to whine to.

    they need to grow a pair and stand on their own.
     
  5. syrenn
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    syrenn BANNED

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    Sometimes being a good friend means saying and doing the hard things. Putting things nicely at times doesn't not make the same impact or sink in as much as the brutal truth.
     
  6. Cecilie1200
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    Cecilie1200 Gold Member

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    Sadly, she's a masochist, so she'd enjoy it, and it wouldn't do a damned thing to make her quit whining the rest of the time.
     
  7. Cecilie1200
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    Cecilie1200 Gold Member

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    Well, I didn't draw the picture, but I'd go with crop. Floggers generally have more falls than that.
     
  8. syrenn
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    syrenn BANNED

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    LOL, it depends on the flogger
     
  9. Cecilie1200
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    Cecilie1200 Gold Member

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    You know me. I'm a big fan of the "swift kick in the butt" method, but I honestly think the message would be lost to her in the "I'm so hurt now!" reaction, and then everyone ELSE would just have to listen to her whine about me on top of everything else.

    One of the hardest things I ever had to learn was that I can't fix other people, no matter how obvious the solution to their problems might be to me. They HAVE to fix themselves, and nothing will make them do that until they're ready. And some people will never be ready.

    Right now, she's online, whinging about going to this party at our social club tonight. She says she's going to go, although she has no idea why, because she just feels like a fly on the wall there and everyone ignores her. She's correct . . . as far as it goes. The people in our club are very sensitive to other people's boundaries and not crossing them. So when she goes to the club and plants her ass in an armchair in the corner, hugging a stuffed animal (no, I'm not kidding) in a semi-fetal position, and looking like she wants to be left alone, that's what people do. Several of our members have social interaction issues (two of them are autistic, for example), and we try to be sensitive to people who might just need a break from sensory input for a bit.

    Bottom line, if you want to be talked to, you have to LOOK LIKE IT. Get up, move around, initiate some conversation, for God's sake. Don't wait for people to come over and make you interact with them. And don't blame them for not doing all the work for you.
     
  10. syrenn
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    A professional victim. Say what you want, it cant make it any worse then it already is.
     

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