When men don’t want sex

[Anguille]

Actually, when it comes to modern women, the definition fits perfectly well. Hatred would probably be a polite version of the emotions that I feel towards modern/feminits women. Now traditional women and ladies, that's another topic entirely.

You did mention you had anger management issues.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Control and power, or trust?
See, to my mind, where there is a total disagreement, SOMEBODY has to drive. I'm tired. Maybe lazy...but I do believe that in the ideal relationship, I would TRUST the man in my life not to abuse the last word. That is not to say I wouldn't have ANY words, but that I would trust him enough not to be an asshole about it if he were given that. Haven't been in that relationship yet. Should have held out for it from jump. But it should NOT be about control and power, but about trusting someone to drive, to give them the trust to have that final say on any given issue, and to really know that they would only and always have your best interests at heart, even if that meant giving up a little ground himself.

And furthermore, getting to make the decision doesn't mean that's he's stupid and arrogant enough to ignore any and all input from the woman, who he hopefully chose in part because she has a brain.

Huh???? Isnt that what I just said???

Could be. I was taking a bit of a different, albeit complimentary, point from you.

 

[The Gadfly]

Anachronism,
In no particular order;

Thanks for the thanks, but I'm no hero, though I served with men who were. I'm just one more man who walked into hell, and was lucky enough to walk out of it.

One of the first things I lost in Vietnam, was my religion. It didn't seem like there was any God looking over anyone in that place. I couldn't imagine anything resembling the God I was taught of allowing human suffering. or human depravity like I saw there. Horrors beyond words, or comprehension, things you couldn't imagine in the blackest hottest pit in hell, much less on earth; the kind as stark and vivid after forty years, as when they were fresh. This one village, and what the Cong did there; I wouldn't want my worst enemy to see that, not ever. When it makes the most hardened professional soldiers puke....not a thing you even want to imagine. No atheists in a foxhole? Well, after that, there sure was one Agnostic in mine! It was only years later I got my faith back and it was a struggle to ever believe again, but now, I do, and it is a great comfort to me, I don't know how you lost yours, but somehow, some way, I really hope you find it again. It really does ease the burden, and there is a comfort in it, that's not to be had elsewhere. I was so terribly angry with God, maybe you are too; but maybe, as mine was, your God is too small.

You move a pile of rocks, carefully, one at a time, until you have them all flat on the ground; THEN, you can rearrange them.

That voice in your head, the one that tries to tell you you're better than that-start listening to it; that's the part of you that still hopes speaking.

Changing your outlook is scary, and hard, learning to trust is scary, and hard. You need guidance, and maybe some emotional tools. Get a good therapist, and this time, listen to him/her. You are going to really have to want to do this, and commit yourself to a real, hard effort. It may not come quickly, but it will come. They can guide you, but YOU still have to do the work.

If you're bouncing from hobby to hobby, and interest to interest to feel good, something is missing. I have a pretty good idea what, but you're going to have to figure that out for yourself (and when you do, you will understand why).

I know what you think giving, and caring about others, got you. That happens to everyone, actually; the world is full of ungrateful people. Here's a hint, when you think you're given and cared,all you can, give and care more. Sooner or later, it will bring something good your way; it doesn't always go quite so unnoticed as you think. If nothing else, if you genuinely care about others, (not just for what you think you might get from it) it's hard to think about yourself so much, and that's a good thing. Just remember: a kind word, costs you exactly nothing; a bit of encouragement, costs you nothing.A little compassion, costs you nothing. Try it; it takes getting used to, when your focus is on you, but you might even like it. Our little conversations here, have cost me the time it took to write, and a bit of thought, for which I want....not the first thing from you, not a thing. You see, caring for others only takes up time I might spend worrying about my own problems (I still have some, of course), and that is of more than enough benefit to me, to be worth it.

I know this is a stupid suggestion, but go to church anyway, no matter how angry you are with God. It may feel useless, but the fact is, it can't hurt you; besides, you know the kind of woman you think you want? Well, you're more likely to find one of those, in a church, than in a bar. Sorry, but that's where the more "traditional " women are. If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain, and all that. Not the quickest place to get laid, but since that's not your priority.....As a matter of fact, guess where I met my wife?

P.S. That date, 8/22/01 and time; Was that when you lost your dad? I think you said that was ten years ago . Is that, why you're so angry with God, or is it something else? Anyway, I meant to tell you earlier that I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry another one of my brothers left us far too soon. Every man and woman who served there, is special to me.

 

[Anachronism]

Thanks for the thanks, but I'm no hero, though I served with men who were. I'm just one more man who walked into hell, and was lucky enough to walk out of it.

Everyone who puts on the uniform of the US Military during wartime in a hero, Gadfly.

One of the first things I lost in Vietnam, was my religion. It didn't seem like there was any God looking over anyone in that place. I couldn't imagine anything resembling the God I was taught of allowing human suffering. or human depravity like I saw there. Horrors beyond words, or comprehension, things you couldn't imagine in the blackest hottest pit in hell, much less on earth; the kind as stark and vivid after forty years, as when they were fresh. This one village, and what the Cong did there; I wouldn't want my worst enemy to see that, not ever. When it makes the most hardened professional soldiers puke....not a thing you even want to imagine. No atheists in a foxhole? Well, after that, there sure was one Agnostic in mine! It was only years later I got my faith back and it was a struggle to ever believe again, but now, I do, and it is a great comfort to me, I don't know how you lost yours, but somehow, some way, I really hope you find it again. It really does ease the burden, and there is a comfort in it, that's not to be had elsewhere. I was so terribly angry with God, maybe you are too; but maybe, as mine was, your God is too small.

In my case it's a matter of my God being too BIG, not too small. Too big to give a shit about silly little old me, or my dad. I'm not actually mad at God. I'm actually pretty much relieved that I only wasted 27 years on him before recongizing that he wasn't worth my time or energy because he doesn't give a damn about anyone. My dad wasted all 54 years of his life on religion and got nothing out of it in the end.

You move a pile of rocks, carefully, one at a time, until you have them all flat on the ground; THEN, you can rearrange them.

Interesting take on the subject.

That voice in your head, the one that tries to tell you you're better than that-start listening to it; that's the part of you that still hopes speaking.

I'm trying to listen more and more, but his ideas have turned out so wretchedly badly so many times in the past that it's not an easy thing to do again.

Changing your outlook is scary, and hard, learning to trust is scary, and hard. You need guidance, and maybe some emotional tools. Get a good therapist, and this time, listen to him/her. You are going to really have to want to do this, and commit yourself to a real, hard effort. It may not come quickly, but it will come. They can guide you, but YOU still have to do the work.

Part of the problem is that I have very little faith in the mental health profession. Due to some things going on right now, that's probably going to have to wait a little while, until I'm hopefully relocated to a different area of the country (later this year, with any luck). I will keep that advice in mind.

If you're bouncing from hobby to hobby, and interest to interest to feel good, something is missing. I have a pretty good idea what, but you're going to have to figure that out for yourself (and when you do, you will understand why).

Yes something is missing.... success and/or a feeling of achievement sufficient to make me feel that the effort is worthwhile.

I know what you think giving, and caring about others, got you. That happens to everyone, actually; the world is full of ungrateful people. Here's a hint, when you think you're given and cared,all you can, give and care more. Sooner or later, it will bring something good your way; it doesn't always go quite so unnoticed as you think. If nothing else, if you genuinely care about others, (not just for what you think you might get from it) it's hard to think about yourself so much, and that's a good thing. Just remember: a kind word, costs you exactly nothing; a bit of encouragement, costs you nothing.A little compassion, costs you nothing. Try it; it takes getting used to, when your focus is on you, but you might even like it. Our little conversations here, have cost me the time it took to write, and a bit of thought, for which I want....not the first thing from you, not a thing. You see, caring for others only takes up time I might spend worrying about my own problems (I still have some, of course), and that is of more than enough benefit to me, to be worth it.

This is one of those things where I'm something of a dicotomy. There are a certain, select few people who I am very giving and caring and wonderful to. Those few close friends and acquaintances of mine that I really do care about. These are people who I believe deserve my friendship, my assistance, and my caring. The people who I would kill and/or die for. There aren't many of them, but there are a few. No, they aren't all middle class yuppie suburbanites either. In fact most of them tend to be lower middle class people who do need a hand, and a friend. However, I will go out of my way to avoid giving any assistance to anyone who I don't believe deserves it.

I know this is a stupid suggestion, but go to church anyway, no matter how angry you are with God. It may feel useless, but the fact is, it can't hurt you; besides, you know the kind of woman you think you want? Well, you're more likely to find one of those, in a church, than in a bar. Sorry, but that's where the more "traditional " women are. If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain, and all that. Not the quickest place to get laid, but since that's not your priority.....As a matter of fact, guess where I met my wife?

I attend services occasionally with family and friends. I don't go on my own anymore. I enjoy the liturgy and the message, but I can't get past what I see as the philosophical disconnect between a loving God and one who can allow some of the things that happen here on Earth to occur. Besides, I'm more a fan of the Old Testament God than the New Testament God. Thanks for the suggestion, though; and I know that's where I'm more likely to find the sort of woman I'm looking for.

P.S. That date, 8/22/01 and time; Was that when you lost your dad? I think you said that was ten years ago . Is that, why you're so angry with God, or is it something else? Anyway, I meant to tell you earlier that I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry another one of my brothers left us far too soon. Every man and woman who served there, is special to me.

You're 100% correct, Gadfly. 8/22/1947 - 8/22/2001. Within about three hours on the TOB and TOD as well. 54 years, almost to the hour, after almost three years of pain and suffering that were caused because he put the needs of his country, his family, his God, his church, and his friends about his own interests. At the moment in his life when he was finally going to be able to start living for himself and my mom; their duties as parents finally pretty much over, the most truly Faithful and Good person I've ever met is cut down. If HE didn't deserve any amount of divine Mercy or Blessing, there's sure as hell no way that someone like me, who will never be 1/10th the man my father was could ever get anything good from God.

Thank you for the kind words.

 

[HUGGY]

Anachronism,
In no particular order;

Thanks for the thanks, but I'm no hero, though I served with men who were. I'm just one more man who walked into hell, and was lucky enough to walk out of it.

One of the first things I lost in Vietnam, was my religion. It didn't seem like there was any God looking over anyone in that place. I couldn't imagine anything resembling the God I was taught of allowing human suffering. or human depravity like I saw there. Horrors beyond words, or comprehension, things you couldn't imagine in the blackest hottest pit in hell, much less on earth; the kind as stark and vivid after forty years, as when they were fresh. This one village, and what the Cong did there; I wouldn't want my worst enemy to see that, not ever. When it makes the most hardened professional soldiers puke....not a thing you even want to imagine. No atheists in a foxhole? Well, after that, there sure was one Agnostic in mine! It was only years later I got my faith back and it was a struggle to ever believe again, but now, I do, and it is a great comfort to me, I don't know how you lost yours, but somehow, some way, I really hope you find it again. It really does ease the burden, and there is a comfort in it, that's not to be had elsewhere. I was so terribly angry with God, maybe you are too; but maybe, as mine was, your God is too small.

You move a pile of rocks, carefully, one at a time, until you have them all flat on the ground; THEN, you can rearrange them.

That voice in your head, the one that tries to tell you you're better than that-start listening to it; that's the part of you that still hopes speaking.

Changing your outlook is scary, and hard, learning to trust is scary, and hard. You need guidance, and maybe some emotional tools. Get a good therapist, and this time, listen to him/her. You are going to really have to want to do this, and commit yourself to a real, hard effort. It may not come quickly, but it will come. They can guide you, but YOU still have to do the work.

If you're bouncing from hobby to hobby, and interest to interest to feel good, something is missing. I have a pretty good idea what, but you're going to have to figure that out for yourself (and when you do, you will understand why).

I know what you think giving, and caring about others, got you. That happens to everyone, actually; the world is full of ungrateful people. Here's a hint, when you think you're given and cared,all you can, give and care more. Sooner or later, it will bring something good your way; it doesn't always go quite so unnoticed as you think. If nothing else, if you genuinely care about others, (not just for what you think you might get from it) it's hard to think about yourself so much, and that's a good thing. Just remember: a kind word, costs you exactly nothing; a bit of encouragement, costs you nothing.A little compassion, costs you nothing. Try it; it takes getting used to, when your focus is on you, but you might even like it. Our little conversations here, have cost me the time it took to write, and a bit of thought, for which I want....not the first thing from you, not a thing. You see, caring for others only takes up time I might spend worrying about my own problems (I still have some, of course), and that is of more than enough benefit to me, to be worth it.

I know this is a stupid suggestion, but go to church anyway, no matter how angry you are with God. It may feel useless, but the fact is, it can't hurt you; besides, you know the kind of woman you think you want? Well, you're more likely to find one of those, in a church, than in a bar. Sorry, but that's where the more "traditional " women are. If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain, and all that. Not the quickest place to get laid, but since that's not your priority.....As a matter of fact, guess where I met my wife?

P.S. That date, 8/22/01 and time; Was that when you lost your dad? I think you said that was ten years ago . Is that, why you're so angry with God, or is it something else? Anyway, I meant to tell you earlier that I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry another one of my brothers left us far too soon. Every man and woman who served there, is special to me.

You couldn't find God in yo little fox hole?

 

[The Gadfly]

Anachronism,

I see that there are some things I need to explain to you further, that I believe may be helpful. I want to think, just a bit, before I do, because I want to find the clearest way to get the concepts across. I'll respond, in a little while.

 

[Momanohedhunter]

I am a married man and I have been well behaved. I think if I play my cards right I may have some sex tonight.

 

[High_Gravity]

I am a married man and I have been well behaved. I think if I play my cards right I may have some sex tonight.

Married people have sex?

 

[Momanohedhunter]

I am a married man and I have been well behaved. I think if I play my cards right I may have some sex tonight.

Married people have sex?

Yes. a bunch of it for the whole 17 years we have been married.

 

[percysunshine]

When men don't wan't sex?

During the final four...unless she can sink a half court shot....

 

[beamoflites]

awesome thread!

 

[avos]

is the main reason.

Porn. The Internet has made porn much more accessible - and the frequent masturbation it triggers may be making men too worn out for sex with a real partner. As I’ve discussed before in this blog, men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally without Internet porn. So if a guy normally masturbated once a day, he might now be doing it two or three times a day. If he masturbated three times a week, he might now be getting graphic with his graphics 15 times a week. If you’re 17 and single, this might not be a problem.


But if you’re 40 and toting a gut, it’s an issue - a real issue. Some guys may still feel mentally like they’re 17 years old, but they can’t have sex that way. Their bodies have changed and so have their refractory periods, the natural interval between erections. Guys with low desire may simply lack the mojo for real sex because they’re depleted from masturbation.

STOP JERKING OFF DAMNIT!!!

Porn is basically the reason why men nowadays, usually refuses to have sex with their partners. Since they can do their own thing. Though I think that its a good thing because this can somehow ruin a good relationship.