When men don’t want sex

Shadow

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When men don’t want sex

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

“Not tonight, honey. I have a headache.” How many times has a guy heard that before? Husbands around the world are all too familiar with being sexually rejected. But now, more than ever, those words, (or some variation), are being expressed by men, to their female partners. While the conventional wisdom has been that it’s usually the woman in the relationship who inevitably loses interest in sex, the opposite is often true. Low male desire is at all-time high, and is likely to occur for any number of reasons:

When men don
 
I will tell you that it can be very interesting to see the reaction of a woman when you tell her that you're not interested in having sex with her at that time.

Several years ago I dated a lady who invited me into her home after our third date. We sat around for a while in her living room talking. At which point she looked over at me and asked, quite directly... "Well, are you going to make a move on me or not?" I informed her that No, I was not intending on making "a move" on her that evening.

She was rather shocked and demanded to know why. I told her the same thing that I'd told her the first time sex had even come up, during our second date.... I don't believe casual sex is appropriate and don't engage in it. Sex is for long-term, committed relationships so far as I'm concerned.

The look of shock on her face was almost as if I'd told her that I didn't have a penis, or something to that effect. She all but bodily threw me out of her condo and told me that she didn't want to ever hear from or see me again, which at that point was fine with me.
 
I will tell you that it can be very interesting to see the reaction of a woman when you tell her that you're not interested in having sex with her at that time.

Several years ago I dated a lady who invited me into her home after our third date. We sat around for a while in her living room talking. At which point she looked over at me and asked, quite directly... "Well, are you going to make a move on me or not?" I informed her that No, I was not intending on making "a move" on her that evening.

She was rather shocked and demanded to know why. I told her the same thing that I'd told her the first time sex had even come up, during our second date.... I don't believe casual sex is appropriate and don't engage in it. Sex is for long-term, committed relationships so far as I'm concerned.

The look of shock on her face was almost as if I'd told her that I didn't have a penis, or something to that effect. She all but bodily threw me out of her condo and told me that she didn't want to ever hear from or see me again, which at that point was fine with me.

Did you check with her neighbor ?
 
is the main reason.


Porn. The Internet has made porn much more accessible - and the frequent masturbation it triggers may be making men too worn out for sex with a real partner. As I’ve discussed before in this blog, men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally without Internet porn. So if a guy normally masturbated once a day, he might now be doing it two or three times a day. If he masturbated three times a week, he might now be getting graphic with his graphics 15 times a week. If you’re 17 and single, this might not be a problem.


But if you’re 40 and toting a gut, it’s an issue - a real issue. Some guys may still feel mentally like they’re 17 years old, but they can’t have sex that way. Their bodies have changed and so have their refractory periods, the natural interval between erections. Guys with low desire may simply lack the mojo for real sex because they’re depleted from masturbation.

STOP JERKING OFF DAMNIT!!!
 
is the main reason.


Porn. The Internet has made porn much more accessible - and the frequent masturbation it triggers may be making men too worn out for sex with a real partner. As I’ve discussed before in this blog, men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally without Internet porn. So if a guy normally masturbated once a day, he might now be doing it two or three times a day. If he masturbated three times a week, he might now be getting graphic with his graphics 15 times a week. If you’re 17 and single, this might not be a problem.


But if you’re 40 and toting a gut, it’s an issue - a real issue. Some guys may still feel mentally like they’re 17 years old, but they can’t have sex that way. Their bodies have changed and so have their refractory periods, the natural interval between erections. Guys with low desire may simply lack the mojo for real sex because they’re depleted from masturbation.

STOP JERKING OFF DAMNIT!!!

seriously----dudes haven't figured this one out ?
 
Well the more you ask, the better chance you got.

That's not really my style. I try to be as upfront as possible about what I'm looking for in a relationship and see what HER reaction is to it. Then go from there. I actually find it somewhat surprising to see the responses of women when I tell them that I'm not looking for a quick "hookup" in a relationship. The responses vary, but can be exceptionally interesting to see sometimes.
 
Well the more you ask, the better chance you got.

That's not really my style. I try to be as upfront as possible about what I'm looking for in a relationship and see what HER reaction is to it. Then go from there. I actually find it somewhat surprising to see the responses of women when I tell them that I'm not looking for a quick "hookup" in a relationship. The responses vary, but can be exceptionally interesting to see sometimes.

considering the luck you've had maybe it should be your style.
 
is the main reason.


Porn. The Internet has made porn much more accessible - and the frequent masturbation it triggers may be making men too worn out for sex with a real partner. As I’ve discussed before in this blog, men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally without Internet porn. So if a guy normally masturbated once a day, he might now be doing it two or three times a day. If he masturbated three times a week, he might now be getting graphic with his graphics 15 times a week. If you’re 17 and single, this might not be a problem.


But if you’re 40 and toting a gut, it’s an issue - a real issue. Some guys may still feel mentally like they’re 17 years old, but they can’t have sex that way. Their bodies have changed and so have their refractory periods, the natural interval between erections. Guys with low desire may simply lack the mojo for real sex because they’re depleted from masturbation.

STOP JERKING OFF DAMNIT!!!

seriously----dudes haven't figured this one out ?

Frankly, I think dudes know....but it's the Women that don't realize that their men enjoy Porn more than the real thing, and the men could care less if they are "depleted" by Porn, or some Sweaty Hag that rides them like a Bowl of Jello.
 
considering the luck you've had maybe it should be your style.

No, not really. For some of us it's more important to be in the right type or relationship than it is to be in just any relationship. I'd rather spend my life as a bachelor than to spend it in and out of relationships that aren't what I'm looking for.
 
is the main reason.




STOP JERKING OFF DAMNIT!!!

seriously----dudes haven't figured this one out ?

Frankly, I think dudes know....but it's the Women that don't realize that their men enjoy Porn more than the real thing, and the men could care less if they are "depleted" by Porn, or some Sweaty Hag that rides them like a Bowl of Jello.

You can't have porn AND the real thing ?
 
seriously----dudes haven't figured this one out ?

Frankly, I think dudes know....but it's the Women that don't realize that their men enjoy Porn more than the real thing, and the men could care less if they are "depleted" by Porn, or some Sweaty Hag that rides them like a Bowl of Jello.

You can't have porn AND the real thing ?

From what I gleaned from the article, this is not the case....unless you count faking it the "real thing."
 
If she was uh murkin.........there's a good chance she looked like she belonged at a livestock auction as opposed to a theatre ( and certainly not at a restaurant).
 
Frankly, I think dudes know....but it's the Women that don't realize that their men enjoy Porn more than the real thing, and the men could care less if they are "depleted" by Porn, or some Sweaty Hag that rides them like a Bowl of Jello.

You can't have porn AND the real thing ?

From what I gleaned from the article, this is not the case....unless you count faking it the "real thing."

I guess the point is that women aren't very used to hearing a man say no and don't take the rejection very lightly.
 
I will tell you that it can be very interesting to see the reaction of a woman when you tell her that you're not interested in having sex with her at that time.

Several years ago I dated a lady who invited me into her home after our third date. We sat around for a while in her living room talking. At which point she looked over at me and asked, quite directly... "Well, are you going to make a move on me or not?" I informed her that No, I was not intending on making "a move" on her that evening.

She was rather shocked and demanded to know why. I told her the same thing that I'd told her the first time sex had even come up, during our second date.... I don't believe casual sex is appropriate and don't engage in it. Sex is for long-term, committed relationships so far as I'm concerned.

The look of shock on her face was almost as if I'd told her that I didn't have a penis, or something to that effect. She all but bodily threw me out of her condo and told me that she didn't want to ever hear from or see me again, which at that point was fine with me.

"When men don't want sex"

When the woman has more hair on her body than I do. :lol: :lol: OR she smells like the incense from an old hippy head shop.
 
You can't have porn AND the real thing ?

From what I gleaned from the article, this is not the case....unless you count faking it the "real thing."

I guess the point is that women aren't very used to hearing a man say no and don't take the rejection very lightly.

Well, essentially the article says that either men have a physical problem (which is Rare), or they cannot stand the woman and are jerking off to porn instead of having sex with them, so....YEAH, I imagine the news isn't taken lightly.
 

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