What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?

[Eightball]

I've been married for going on 18 years. I'm completely comfortable with a little harmless flirting, I don't think it "leads" to anything.

Glad your comfortable......if you have children......are they?

I grew up in a family where dad and mom entertained a lot in our home. Married folks danced with different partners in our livingroom to LP's, and of course there was booze along with the entertainment. I still remember my Dad putting his arm around another of his guest's wives and hugging her or seeing him and the lady "teasing" back and forth in that little innocent flirting act. I also remember some husbands of the guests also trying to hug and kiss my Mom. The parties broke up late at night, and couples went home .....etc.

I didn't like it growing up. As my mom and dad's son, it scared me, and made me feel rather insecure, seeing this behaviour with my dad and those that attempted it toward my mom.

Flirting may seem innocent to one party, but you can't interpret the mind-set of the other party. Ad a little booze to the equation, and you have the potential for disaster.

Also, marriage is a commitment that says, "Your the only one for my life.". It's an insult, and a disrespectful act to a life long committment of love in sickness, and health, and it's also "crappy" parental modeling for one's children.

Too say, that "My kids, never see the innocent flirting." is to say that it's done without their knowledge because one knows it's setting a bad example as a parent. To allow your kids to see the "flirting" is just plain, irresponsibility, and also gives one in later years no reasons for sympathies from others when the kids grow up and have a warped idea of the marriage committment and reap havoc because of it.

I also have observed that this "innocent" flirting is usually enhanced or initiated in conjunction with mood altering chemicals such as alcohol, pot, and the popular drugs of choice.

 

[Trigg]

Glad your comfortable......if you have children......are they?

I grew up in a family where dad and mom entertained a lot in our home. Married folks danced with different partners in our livingroom to LP's, and of course there was booze along with the entertainment. I still remember my Dad putting his arm around another of his guest's wives and hugging her or seeing him and the lady "teasing" back and forth in that little innocent flirting act. I also remember some husbands of the guests also trying to hug and kiss my Mom. The parties broke up late at night, and couples went home .....etc.

I didn't like it growing up. As my mom and dad's son, it scared me, and made me feel rather insecure, seeing this behaviour with my dad and those that attempted it toward my mom.

Flirting may seem innocent to one party, but you can't interpret the mind-set of the other party. Ad a little booze to the equation, and you have the potential for disaster.

Also, marriage is a commitment that says, "Your the only one for my life.". It's an insult, and a disrespectful act to a life long committment of love in sickness, and health, and it's also "crappy" parental modeling for one's children.

Too say, that "My kids, never see the innocent flirting." is to say that it's done without their knowledge because one knows it's setting a bad example as a parent. To allow your kids to see the "flirting" is just plain, irresponsibility, and also gives one in later years no reasons for sympathies from others when the kids grow up and have a warped idea of the marriage committment and reap havoc because of it.

I also have observed that this "innocent" flirting is usually enhanced or initiated in conjunction with mood altering chemicals such as alcohol, pot, and the popular drugs of choice.

Allrighty then. I'm not even going to get into this with you since obviously it's a major childhood issue.

For the record I think flirting is smiling and talking, not hugging and touching which is apparently what was going on at your house.

 

[Trigg]

sooooooooo how you doooooooooin? :cool flirt smilie:

Your just trying to get me in trouble. I'm not falling for it

 

[Bonnie]

I suppose if you apply the "lusting in your heart" biblical standard, all of these could possibly be seen as cheating, depending on the man's state of mind.

What do you think?

What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 10:16 am PST

...

While researching my book Men, Love & Sex, I found that not only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also fail to talk about their definitions before something happens (with the exception of the one action everyone acknowledges as cheating). Here's how guys tend to define the murkier areas of fidelity. Don't like it? Then talk about it now before he steps across a line he didn't know existed.

Flirting or Cheating? Looking at another woman?
It's one thing if his tongue drops to the floor in your presence; that's just plain disrespectful (though 80 percent of men have admitted to looking at other women even with their wives or girlfriends around). But cheating? Hardly. Men think there's a huge difference between thinking and acting. "We have two sides--the committed husband/boyfriend and the 'check out the hottie' side. In men, the committed wins out, but the checker always exists," says one man who responded to the Harris poll I used when researching the book. (And ladies, don't even try to tell me you haven't had more than a couple of thoughts and conversations about whether McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter.)


Flirting or Cheating? E-mailing an ex?
The e-mail exchange per se isn't a cheat (depending on exactly what's exchanged, of course). But, for many people, any contact beyond a few truly platonic and innocent "just catching up" messages is a relationship-killer-not because of the act itself, but because of the potential act that may follow. About 60 percent of guys consider dinner and drinks with an ex as cheating. Looking her up online? Only 20 percent of us would classify that as a relationship no-no.


Flirting or Cheating? Hanging out with the women at work?
Here's the real relationship danger zone: About 50 percent of guys consider having dinner and drinks with an attractive co-worker as cheating. But the more troubling stat for you may be this one: One in five men says that he secretly loves his platonic (for now) coworker. Just look at Jim and Pam on The Office, and you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's not meant to scare you-more just to make sure you keep your eyes open (as if you don't already) and intentions honorable.

Flirting or Cheating? Kissing another woman?
Some guys may try to wiggle out of a drunken kiss with a stranger (or coworker, in the cloakroon, at the Christmas party) as a one-time-only event. But the true test about whether a guy thinks something is cheating is whether he'd be ok with the situation reversed. Guys don't want their women exchanging lip balm (or any thing else physical) with another guy, and nearly 90 percent of guys agree that their own drunken hook-up with a stranger is indeed off-limits.

Flirting or Cheating? Going to a strip club?
The good news for those of you who are anti-exotic dancer: Half of men think that visiting a strip club is cheating. The other half? Going to a strip club is like going to a sporting event-there's lots of entertainment, lots of excitement, and lots of interest in watching the most talented players in action. In the poll, many men said that they feel there's no harm in once-in-a-while visits since there's no emotional attachment and only temporary, artificial physical attraction. "Sometimes, to be blunt about it," one man responded in the poll, "it's just a bit of art appreciation, and it's nice to see another woman naked."

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/6165/whats-the-difference-between-flirting-and-cheating

I have noticed in my office there are a good number of overly chummy co-workers who go to lunch and discuss their intimate relationship problems....The real shocker came when I went to the Christmas party with my husband, as we both work in the same building, and truly I think we were the only ones who came together, no one else brought their spouses. To top things off there was unabashed cheek to cheek dancing, along with drunk grabby hands.....Problem is most people, it would seem don't know "their place" with other people's families. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high

 

[Abbey Normal]

Glad your comfortable......if you have children......are they?

I grew up in a family where dad and mom entertained a lot in our home. Married folks danced with different partners in our livingroom to LP's, and of course there was booze along with the entertainment. I still remember my Dad putting his arm around another of his guest's wives and hugging her or seeing him and the lady "teasing" back and forth in that little innocent flirting act. I also remember some husbands of the guests also trying to hug and kiss my Mom. The parties broke up late at night, and couples went home .....etc.

I didn't like it growing up. As my mom and dad's son, it scared me, and made me feel rather insecure, seeing this behaviour with my dad and those that attempted it toward my mom.

Flirting may seem innocent to one party, but you can't interpret the mind-set of the other party. Ad a little booze to the equation, and you have the potential for disaster.

Also, marriage is a commitment that says, "Your the only one for my life.". It's an insult, and a disrespectful act to a life long committment of love in sickness, and health, and it's also "crappy" parental modeling for one's children.

Too say, that "My kids, never see the innocent flirting." is to say that it's done without their knowledge because one knows it's setting a bad example as a parent. To allow your kids to see the "flirting" is just plain, irresponsibility, and also gives one in later years no reasons for sympathies from others when the kids grow up and have a warped idea of the marriage committment and reap havoc because of it.

I also have observed that this "innocent" flirting is usually enhanced or initiated in conjunction with mood altering chemicals such as alcohol, pot, and the popular drugs of choice.

I see your point, Eight. And affairs have to start somewhere. I'll bet in most cases, it starts with flirting.

 

[CockySOB]

Our animal natures cause us to think thoughts which could be considered sinful by Judeo-Christian standards, and if we foster these thoughts they will eventually be acted upon which is most definitely sinful.

That being said, I feel that anything which pains your partner is cheating. Otherwise, it is just flirting.

 

[Annie]

my secretary does not wear panties!......

Unless his name is Bob, you need a new secretary.

 

[Eightball]

Our animal natures cause us to think thoughts which could be considered sinful by Judeo-Christian standards, and if we foster these thoughts they will eventually be acted upon which is most definitely sinful.

That being said, I feel that anything which pains your partner is cheating. Otherwise, it is just flirting.

Trouble is, what pains our partners for life often aren't as extreme as we would expect the "just flirting" to be.

In other words, we take for granted the feeling of our signifcant "other", when we allegedly innocently flirt.

Think about it? What is flirting? It is trying or get the attention of another in covertly and often sexual way. Sometimes, it's not covert either. Problem is, that the flirting may seem innocent to the one doing it, but often it's hurtful to the one that married to the flirty-one.

I'm not talking about square dancing and changing dance partners either. It's those little inuendos while having a few drinks or socializing. Wives wearing real low neck line dresses in front of men who aren't their spouses, or married men, being overly sweet and helpful to the office, "cutie", and maybe even sharing personal problems in his marriage with the "cutie". Conversations should be guarded and well thought out when talking with the opposite sex and that person isn't your spouse. Keeping conversations, in "safe" areas, such as sharing about your children, or talking about business, will never get you into trouble.

Call it Judeo Christian or whatever, it doesn't "fly" in any culture whether it's Bhuddist, Hindu, Christian, or atheists.

 

[just_sad]

one thing leads to another

 

[Emmett]

I suppose if you apply the "lusting in your heart" biblical standard, all of these could possibly be seen as cheating, depending on the man's state of mind.

What do you think?

What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 10:16 am PST

...

While researching my book Men, Love & Sex, I found that not only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also fail to talk about their definitions before something happens (with the exception of the one action everyone acknowledges as cheating). Here's how guys tend to define the murkier areas of fidelity. Don't like it? Then talk about it now before he steps across a line he didn't know existed.

Flirting or Cheating? Looking at another woman?
It's one thing if his tongue drops to the floor in your presence; that's just plain disrespectful (though 80 percent of men have admitted to looking at other women even with their wives or girlfriends around). But cheating? Hardly. Men think there's a huge difference between thinking and acting. "We have two sides--the committed husband/boyfriend and the 'check out the hottie' side. In men, the committed wins out, but the checker always exists," says one man who responded to the Harris poll I used when researching the book. (And ladies, don't even try to tell me you haven't had more than a couple of thoughts and conversations about whether McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter.)


Flirting or Cheating? E-mailing an ex?
The e-mail exchange per se isn't a cheat (depending on exactly what's exchanged, of course). But, for many people, any contact beyond a few truly platonic and innocent "just catching up" messages is a relationship-killer-not because of the act itself, but because of the potential act that may follow. About 60 percent of guys consider dinner and drinks with an ex as cheating. Looking her up online? Only 20 percent of us would classify that as a relationship no-no.


Flirting or Cheating? Hanging out with the women at work?
Here's the real relationship danger zone: About 50 percent of guys consider having dinner and drinks with an attractive co-worker as cheating. But the more troubling stat for you may be this one: One in five men says that he secretly loves his platonic (for now) coworker. Just look at Jim and Pam on The Office, and you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's not meant to scare you-more just to make sure you keep your eyes open (as if you don't already) and intentions honorable.

Flirting or Cheating? Kissing another woman?
Some guys may try to wiggle out of a drunken kiss with a stranger (or coworker, in the cloakroon, at the Christmas party) as a one-time-only event. But the true test about whether a guy thinks something is cheating is whether he'd be ok with the situation reversed. Guys don't want their women exchanging lip balm (or any thing else physical) with another guy, and nearly 90 percent of guys agree that their own drunken hook-up with a stranger is indeed off-limits.

Flirting or Cheating? Going to a strip club?
The good news for those of you who are anti-exotic dancer: Half of men think that visiting a strip club is cheating. The other half? Going to a strip club is like going to a sporting event-there's lots of entertainment, lots of excitement, and lots of interest in watching the most talented players in action. In the poll, many men said that they feel there's no harm in once-in-a-while visits since there's no emotional attachment and only temporary, artificial physical attraction. "Sometimes, to be blunt about it," one man responded in the poll, "it's just a bit of art appreciation, and it's nice to see another woman naked."

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/6165/whats-the-difference-between-flirting-and-cheating

Penetration!

 

[manu1959]

Unless his name is Bob, you need a new secretary.

my secretary doesn't wear panties why the hell would i want a new one

 

[Annie]

my secretary doesn't wear panties why the hell would i want a new one

Ok, don't.

 

[manu1959]

Ok, don't.

i guess i could have two

 

[Annie]

i guess i could have two

LOL, knew it would happen one day. Too cryptic for me.

 

[manu1959]

LOL, knew it would happen one day. Too cryptic for me.

so are we flirting or cheating here?

 

[Annie]

so are we flirting or cheating here?

I vote flirting. Though my definition would fall far sooner than Emmett's. I think one is safe when it's made clear that one is married and is most clearly 'happy' with family.

 

[manu1959]

I vote flirting. Though my definition would fall far sooner than Emmett's. I think one is safe when it's made clear that one is married and is most clearly 'happy' with family.

flirting is window shoping....you touch it you buy it

 

[Annie]

flirting is window shoping....you touch it you buy it

Flirting means no touch! See, fall short.

 

[manu1959]

Flirting means no touch! See, fall short.

you should see my wife dance......she makes men cry

 

[Annie]

you should see my wife dance......she makes men cry

and I'm sure she is flirted with, desperately! But 'no touch'! Let them cry!