What would you think...

[Ravi]

Ravi is a troll. I wouldn't put any stock in anything she has to say.

 

[random3434]

I am having a crown made for you at Tiffanys, Merry Christmas!

Do you want the word "TROLL" to be in all caps?

 

[Care4all]

I moved here to get a new life, what would be the point if I brought the old life with me? If you were like 100lbs overweight and then lost it would you bring along snap shots to impress dates?

you make a very good point amanda....

but please let me add, that if he is the RIGHT 'ONE' you will end up telling him everything someday, and he will accept you, all of you, the old and the new! So don't be telling him stories about yourself that just ain't true....just stay mum.

But at this early on stage, it ain't none of his bees wax!



care

 

[Annie]

you make a very good point amanda....

but please let me add, that if he is the RIGHT 'ONE' you will end up telling him everything someday, and he will accept you, all of you, the old and the new! So don't be telling him stories about yourself that just ain't true....just stay mum.

But at this early on stage, it ain't none of his bees wax!



care

Yes and no. I understand what and why she is doing what she's doing. At the same time, to not say 'this is who I've been, now this is who I am, there's a problem. First, not enough confidence in the guy; more importantly second, not enough confidence in self and improvement. Part of that is loving yourself, even if someone rejects you because of your past. You don't let your past be an excuse for taking abuse in your present.

I hope this makes sense. My dear, you are on the right path.

 

[xsited1]

But, she moved away to start a new life, and get away from her past so to speak.

Maybe she should treat this relationship like it's her first one, because he is the first boy she's dated since she moved away. He doesn't have to know about her past, he just has to know what kind of person she is NOW. Time will tell if they gel or not, she's only 18...there is an entire world out there.

Hmmmm. You make a good point, although he'll most likely find out eventually.

 

[dilloduck]

Hmmmm. You make a good point, although he'll most likely find out eventually.

but why advertise your garbage right off the bat unless you are encouraging people to reject you ? These things never go perfectly anyway.

 

[xsited1]

but why advertise your garbage right off the bat unless you are encouraging people to reject you ? These things never go perfectly anyway.

You shouldn't do that. My only point is that it'll eventually come out... with the right laxative.

 

[Red Dawn]

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

Too presumptuous for someone who's only known you a few weeks to be telling you how to dress, let along physically arranging your clothing like that.

Its a red flag for a control freak. Although, I could be wrong.

 

[Amanda]

but why advertise your garbage right off the bat unless you are encouraging people to reject you ? These things never go perfectly anyway.

This sums up how I'm looking at it. If he IS the right one it will work out and be ok but I can't tell him at this point because if things don't work out then he could tell a lot of people and really mess me up with my support group here. I'd like them to all get to know me and like me at least a little before they hear anything bad.

 

[pegwinn]

That's something I'm afraid of. I don't think it's a conversation that would go real well. That's one reason I feel bad judging him about something as small as adjusting my zipper. I just feel like what I've done is so much worse.

Amanda, let me be the voice of reason ok? I don't know what you did that was so horrible, but that doesn't excuse this guys actions.

I am a husband, dad, and grandfather. From my perspective he violated rule numero uno..... he crossed a line that isn't meant to be crossed unless you personally give him permission to.

As the all knowing, all powerful, and homicidal Lord Protector of my wife, daughters, and granddaughter; I would of course have to kill him. Slowly, and laugh as he screams. But, since you are 18 and I am a realist......

Are you scared?
Are you intimidated?
If yes, get a shotgun and a pit bull then kick him to the curb.

If the above is no, then proceed with caution and take good notes. Does he open the door for you? Or does he politely but firmly "guide" you to a do that he will hold open for you?

Does he ask what you want? Or does he give you a limited range of options to pick from? Or does he simply make the decisions?

The bottom line is that the minute FEAR enters the picture, you need to bail. Then re-read the part about shotgun and pit bull.

Mm' K?
Phil

 

[Amanda]

Amanda, let me be the voice of reason ok? I don't know what you did that was so horrible, but that doesn't excuse this guys actions.

I am a husband, dad, and grandfather. From my perspective he violated rule numero uno..... he crossed a line that isn't meant to be crossed unless you personally give him permission to.

As the all knowing, all powerful, and homicidal Lord Protector of my wife, daughters, and granddaughter; I would of course have to kill him. Slowly, and laugh as he screams. But, since you are 18 and I am a realist......

Are you scared?
Are you intimidated?
If yes, get a shotgun and a pit bull then kick him to the curb.

If the above is no, then proceed with caution and take good notes. Does he open the door for you? Or does he politely but firmly "guide" you to a do that he will hold open for you?

Does he ask what you want? Or does he give you a limited range of options to pick from? Or does he simply make the decisions?

The bottom line is that the minute FEAR enters the picture, you need to bail. Then re-read the part about shotgun and pit bull.

Mm' K?
Phil

I'm not scared at all, he's really nice in every way I can think of. He does hold doors and stuff, it's almost embarrassing how formal he can be when it comes to me. And yeah about most stuff he gives me choices. When he doesn't it's like he's going to the movies with some friends and they have a film picked out and do I want to come along. So I don't get to pick a movie but I have a choice to go or not.

 

[chloe]

I thought I should probably give an update for anyone that cares.

I talked with both the main pastor and the youth pastor and they convinced me he was probably just trying to be protective of me and that I should talk to him about how it made me feel which seemed pretty progressive that they thought I should bring up how it made me feel like a possession and to stand up for myself. So... I finally did talk to him and it went pretty well. It had a couple awkward parts but it all ended well. I'm glad he doesn't really know my past so much or he'd never let me that my coat off. LOL.

I'm thinking of asking him to drive out to my parents on Christmas, what do you guys think of that? We'd have to spend the night out there and I'm sure there would be separate rooms, but still I don't know if it would be wise. I'd appreciate well reasoned opinions.

Time apart is well spent. Take time away from him. My first husband was real bossy too and controlling, I couldn't even watch anything on tv unless i asked him first. It got worse & worse over the years. They don't change.