What would you do?

[random3434]

You find out an 11 year old girl has been sleeping in the same bed with her father for who knows how long. It's a king size bed. No mom in the house, but dad's sister lives there.

Daughter has a mild form of autism.


I turned into the counselor. She talked with dad about "boundaries" with the daughter. Soon, the girl will be starting puberty. She told him to get a double bed or have her sleep with the aunt.

If things don't change she said she' going to report them to CPS.

Thoughts?

 

[jillian]

i don't think there's a lot of choice...

i agree with the counselor.

 

[brewerboy]

First off, I'd like to know if their living in a house or an apartment.

If its a house, call CPS. If an apartment, I'd probably let it slide.


Strange advice, I know, but thse are my thoughts off the top of my head.

 

[random3434]

First off, I'd like to know if their living in a house or an apartment.

If its a house, call CPS. If an apartment, I'd probably let it slide.


Strange advice, I know, but thse are my thoughts off the top of my head.

It's a house.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I agree with you talking to the counselor and counselor talking to the dad. What did dad say?

 

[Valerie]

You find out an 11 year old girl has been sleeping in the same bed with her father for who knows how long. It's a king size bed. No mom in the house, but dad's sister lives there.

Daughter has a mild form of autism.


I turned into the counselor. She talked with dad about "boundaries" with the daughter. Soon, the girl will be starting puberty. She told him to get a double bed or have her sleep with the aunt.

If things don't change she said she' going to report them to CPS.

Thoughts?

You did the right thing. What did the father have to say?

 

[random3434]

I agree with you talking to the counselor and counselor talking to the dad. What did dad say?

Dad didn't think anything was wrong with it. She said he didn't get mad, I guess that's a good sign. But she will be starting puberty soon, she doesn't need to be sleeping with daddy. I guess they will make a home visit next week to see if anything has changed.

 

[DiveCon]

you did the right thing

 

[Valerie]

I agree with you talking to the counselor and counselor talking to the dad. What did dad say?

Dad didn't think anything was wrong with it. She said he didn't get mad, I guess that's a good sign. But she will be starting puberty soon, she doesn't need to be sleeping with daddy. I guess they will make a home visit next week to see if anything has changed.

Yes, it's good he didn't get defensive and it's probably an innocent progression over time that it hadn't occurred to him as becoming inappropriate..

Or so you'd like to think...But no doubt it's good to make sure for the girl's sake that the arrangements should change.

 

[Gudrid]

You absolutely did the right thing. Even if dad was completely just thinking of her as his little girl with nothing even remotely untoward in his mind, the situation is still unhealthy for her.

 

[brewerboy]

I kind of misunderstood the initial post of this thread....

However, that being said...with them living in a house, I woulda called CIPS.

NO questions whatsoever.

But I'm a hardass in that respect I guess.

 

[brewerboy]

Seriously, like the thought never dawned on Daddy that "oh hey, maybe I should buy my (almost?) teenage daughter a bed to be put in a room of her own".

Honestly.

 

[Luissa]

I don't ever remember sleeping in the same bed as my dad, probably when I was little if I had a nightmare. YOu did the right thing.

 

[strollingbones]

i disagree...i can easily see a progression of this...a child is afraid and sleeps with parent..where is the mom btw? in american we have this adversion to children sleeping in a "family bed" they do not in other countries....

my son didnt spend the night in my room when he was that age but he would lay down in the bed with me and nap.....i left it up to the child to determine when he no longer needed the comfort of a "family" bed..i think it is best to allow the child to do as they need or want.

i think yall are doing the typical....loving father must be a child molestor thing...

how jaded we have become as a society.

 

[strollingbones]

You absolutely did the right thing. Even if dad was completely just thinking of her as his little girl with nothing even remotely untoward in his mind, the situation is still unhealthy for her.

how and why? please.

 

[goldcatt]

I agree with strollingbones - mostly. I can easily see a progression here and she's right re: an American aversion to the family bed that does not exist in other cultures. But even though it's likely nothing untoward is going on, it's not 100% definite (I say this because sharing a bed at that age is so abnormal in our culture - here if not other places it does raise a certain yellow flag, at least) and the girl is part of American culture and does need to be accustomed to its norms. Before puberty starts is definitely the time to say something. You did the right thing, EZ.

 

[editec]

You find out an 11 year old girl has been sleeping in the same bed with her father for who knows how long. It's a king size bed. No mom in the house, but dad's sister lives there.

Daughter has a mild form of autism.


I turned into the counselor. She talked with dad about "boundaries" with the daughter. Soon, the girl will be starting puberty. She told him to get a double bed or have her sleep with the aunt.

If things don't change she said she' going to report them to CPS.

Thoughts?

Sleeping with the male father is bad but sleeping with the female aunt is okay, why exactly?

Because the aunt is a woman?

And so no child has ever been molested by a relative of the same gender?

Or is that men are such dogs that they just cannot help themselves?

Is it because men are such sex fiends that given half a chance they'll fuck their daughters?

Somebody's gender bias is showing, methinks.

 

[Sarah G]

She should have her own bed regardless of where it is in the house. Maybe he has just been too lazy to make a change there.

Let's hope that is the case anyway. Better to err on the side of caution though, you and the counselor did the right thing giving him the information.

 

[Zoom-boing]

Seriously, like the thought never dawned on Daddy that "oh hey, maybe I should buy my (almost?) teenage daughter a bed to be put in a room of her own".

Honestly.

No, it wouldn't necessarily occur to him. I don't know the entire situation but if they only have one bedroom and the kid had been sleeping with him since she was little (because there was no other place to sleep) and if she isn't showing any physical signs of puberty (she's 11 and very well may not be yet) plus she is mildly autistic to boot? I can understand the dad's pov. Sometimes it's hard to see that your kids have grown more than you think; especially with a special needs kid.

What's the difference between them being in a house vs. an apartment? (from your earlier post).

 

[Said1]

i disagree...i can easily see a progression of this...a child is afraid and sleeps with parent..where is the mom btw? in american we have this adversion to children sleeping in a "family bed" they do not in other countries....

my son didnt spend the night in my room when he was that age but he would lay down in the bed with me and nap.....i left it up to the child to determine when he no longer needed the comfort of a "family" bed..i think it is best to allow the child to do as they need or want.

i think yall are doing the typical....loving father must be a child molestor thing...

how jaded we have become as a society.

My ex and I didn't sleep together because he snored like a harley. My daughter on the other hand loved sleeping in his bed and did so from time to time until she was about 6. No one told her to stop, she just did.