What I think my life could have been like

BlueJay28

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Dec 7, 2014
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My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.
 
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.
You need help on so many levels it is not funny.

Doesn't Medicaid cover psychiatric treatment?

If it does not, you need to shut it up(the pie hole) and suck it up(be a fuckin' man and quit whining) and take control of your life.


Your life was a GIFT, and you were given FREE WILL.

I am assuming you are at least 18 and can walk.

Leave where you are and start over.
 
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.
We all didn't have fairy tale childhoods, and you can make life what you want when you strike out on your own.....you just have to get used to paying for it........
 
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Says the guy that doesn't believe a guy should have any say within his family. Sick fucker.

No he shouldnt have the right to alienate affection between the mother and the child, or dictate undemocratically in a multi person household including another adult.
 
BlueJay28

Until someone walks in your shoes and experiences your life as you experienced it, they really have no right to criticize you. They don't have the same knowledge that you do and did not learn to act and react as you did.

I know from my own experience that it can be very hard to outgrow one's upbringing. Just when you think you have all the horrors under control, something can pop up and gob smack you right back down. For example, the unthinking and uncaring venom on a message board such as this one. Do a search for verbal abuse and/or physical abuse sites and spend some time exploring them.

Unless you want to lose any chance of mental health, no, of course you should not join the military. The job of the military and the reason it works is that it beats your individuality out of you. You've already had a lifetime of that and don't need more of it. You also don't need more people telling you're less than you know, in your heart of hearts, that you are.

Don't let anyone tell you that you're less of a man for your feelings. Instead, feel sorry for those who don't have the ability to feel that do. They are the ones who are handicapped - not you.

Your life is your own to make of it whatever you can. You have to find your own way. No one can show you the path that is best for you.

If you possibly can, get away from every single person who does not have your well being at their heart. Use a scalpel and cut the disease away from your life. (That may mean getting away from this very toxic message board.)

In my case, it was my family. Smartest thing I ever did was cut them off. If that's what you need, just do it. Don't look back, don't feel guilty. Just understand and accept that they have their own demons that you are not responsible for, and cannot help them with. They must do that for themselves.

The same is true for people on this board. They all have their own set of problems and their own past pains and wounds. We would all do well to remember that when we post but our own baggage makes us each want to win against a real or imagined enemy. Try to remember that when you read posts directed at you as well as when you want to attack others.

Don't feel that you cannot or should not talk talk openly and honestly about your family. You are not being disloyal to them. It is they who have been disloyal to you. Refuse to feel guilt for being honest.

You must also be honest with yourself. Hold on to your successes, be strong and know that it really can and WILL get better. But also know that its up to you to make that happen. That may mean getting the help and guidance of therapist, or maybe not. Only you can make that decision and please, IGNORE those who tell you to reject therapy without ever trying it.

If it does not work, know that the fault is not yours. Just believe me on this.

Good luck to you. I know it takes very real courage to bare your soul and I'm sorry you have been attacked for it.
 
Last edited:
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.


I am confused as to what we are supposed to debate here and how in the world can we keep it clean, as in "clean debate zone", whilst the OP is literally LACED with profanity...

This is just plain old weird.
 
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.


I am confused as to what we are supposed to debate here and how in the world can we keep it clean, as in "clean debate zone", then the OP is literally LACED with profanity?

This is completely unacceptable.

Mods, please, please, please move this to the FZ.


Heh ... I would refer to MY abusers in much worse language.

Really, I don't see that as a problem or against the rules of the CDZ.
 
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.


I am confused as to what we are supposed to debate here and how in the world can we keep it clean, as in "clean debate zone", then the OP is literally LACED with profanity?

This is completely unacceptable.

Mods, please, please, please move this to the FZ.


Heh ... I would refer to MY abusers in much worse language.

Really, I don't see that as a problem or against the rules of the CDZ.

Still, with all respect, the OP is so unbelievably convoluted . what exactly are we supposed to be debating, here?
 
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.


I am confused as to what we are supposed to debate here and how in the world can we keep it clean, as in "clean debate zone", then the OP is literally LACED with profanity?

This is completely unacceptable.

Mods, please, please, please move this to the FZ.


Heh ... I would refer to MY abusers in much worse language.

Really, I don't see that as a problem or against the rules of the CDZ.

Still, with all respect, the OP is so unbelievably convoluted . what exactly are we supposed to be debating, here?


Its not up to me to say but there have certainly been times in my own past when I was not able to say what was in my heart.

This is an important issue for a lot of people and we should be able to discuss it in a way that is helpful to the victims of child abuse.
 
My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.


I am confused as to what we are supposed to debate here and how in the world can we keep it clean, as in "clean debate zone", then the OP is literally LACED with profanity?

This is completely unacceptable.

Mods, please, please, please move this to the FZ.


Heh ... I would refer to MY abusers in much worse language.

Really, I don't see that as a problem or against the rules of the CDZ.

Still, with all respect, the OP is so unbelievably convoluted . what exactly are we supposed to be debating, here?


Its not up to me to say but there have certainly been times in my own past when I was not able to say what was in my heart.

This is an important issue for a lot of people and we should be able to discuss it in a way that is helpful to the victims of child abuse.
Ok, that's cool with me. But the point remains: what exactly is to be debated?

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My Counselor one time Asked me what I wish my life could have been like growing up, as opposed to what it was.

I told the counselor that I would have gladly given up being 5 ft 10 225 lbs, and be born female...
And I'll tell why that is...

Because I wouldn't have been involved with retarded assholes who get their rocks off by committing violent crimes in the name of their bullshit muscles that is always going to be out classed by those of somebody else anyway.

And as a female, I need the education, because there is no work boots and wrenches waiting for me...
And the education is a better deal.



However, being born female with the parents that I had is a bad deal.

Women are much higher maintenance than men, and my dad is a fucking freak who is abusive and unthoughtful and mean and incredibly selfish and outdated...

And my mom was a redneck retarded motherfucker, with muscular dystrophy.


And it would have been at least another 2 or 3 years before I would have been any kind of match for him, at that time..
Being born female would have extended the abuse for another 2 or 3 years in my case...


And when I was a match a for him as a 18 or 19 year old female...
I would have done fucking killed him.
He would be dead today.

Because not only would I have been abused, but much worse with worse impact.


So I could use a different set of parents as well.



I could do without Philadelphia, or any of the big cities besides...
Because of the high crime, the violence and the scumbags, and the culture of scumbag behavior.

I could use determination and ingenuity and brilliance as a first grader..
I would have graduated high school by the time I was 14.. and I could have been something great, as entirely somebody else.
We all didn't have fairy tale childhoods, and you can make life what you want when you strike out on your own.....you just have to get used to paying for it........

I would agree. I left home, struck out on my own, at 17, not long after high school graduation. I supported myself then and have ever since. My family was fucked up, and I was fucked up in the head, but I didn't understand that. It took years for me to clear away most of the rubbish and be like most other people, deal with life and situations like a fairly normal person. It took distance, time, and staying away from those who were so toxic--my family.

So, now you are who you are. We can't wish away our past or who we are. What we do is make the best of what and who we are, grow into our true selves, and not let anyone else at all define us.
 
There is a difference between using vulgar language to describe a situation and to use it to denigrate another poster.

From what I gathered of the rather disjointed OP that was what it was trying to convey.

Luddly and Esmeralda are correct in their assessment of the OP's situation. No one can help the situation that they were born into. All they can do once they reach adulthood is to separate themselves from the abusers and make a new life for themselves. They succeeded, so did I, and so will the OP. It just takes a determination to not allow the past to negatively impact the future.

Be true to yourself first and foremost and find ways to make your own life a little better each and every day. Helping others less fortunate than yourself is a great way to put your own life into perspective. You don't need to join the military. You could become an EMT volunteer instead. Follow your passion for what you want to do with your own life. That might mean working with animals or the elderly. It really doesn't matter what it is as long as you feel fulfilled by what you do every day. The rest will fall into place one piece at a time.
 
You're going to come across assholes in life, no matter what kind of life you have as a child...it is sad that you don't have very good role models for parents, but hopefully you are now old enough not to have to depend on them. Get help from wherever you can, and try to make something of yourself. You pooh-pooh the military, but that is probably the best place to help you develop skills to take care of yourself on your own while being taken care of financially, while doing something for your country. Wish you the best of luck.
 

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