Warning Signs/Can you 'Affair-Proof' a marriage?

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by Joz, Sep 25, 2006.

  1. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    The Readers’ Digest reported some time ago that 50% of all husbands and 30% of all wives had participated in an extra-marital affair. In the book Secret Lovers, the findings were even higher:70% of all husbands and 50% of all wives.

    There are other factors that lead to divorce. We've learned all too well the affects. There are also many factors that lead to affairs.

    What do you think are the warning signs of a troubled marriage?


    1. Lack of understanding; about your mate, about marriage.
     
  2. The ClayTaurus
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    The ClayTaurus Senior Member

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    An unnecessary rush to the altar before you actually get to know each other.
     
  3. archangel
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    off the cuff I would say the signs are as follows: Gal-I have a headache...Guy-I'm beat, hard day at work!...CC's maxed out...checking account way low or non-existent...Guy-I'm gonna hang with the guys tonight!...Gal-I have to do some charity work tonight!...Sleeping on the couch(either one) watching late night TV and falling asleep away from the bed!...geez the list could go on and on!
     
  4. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    Are these preventable? And if so, how?
     
  5. archangel
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    I never had any luck preventing what seems to be the inevitable...people get bored with each other...I suppose if bordom could be overcome then the answer would be simple! Then there are just some who are natural runners...I really don't know how one could overcome a loose dog in constant heat! And I'm sure that there are some who have great marriages.....Maybe someone in here that does can relate!
     
  6. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    Find your soul mate - not somebody you tolerate.
     
  7. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    A huge signal to me would be if your spouse is not the FIRST person you think of when you want to share something/ talk something over with, and you are not the FIRST person for him/her.

    What to do? How do you "affair-proof" your marriage? I don't think you CAN, from the other person's side. You can't control your spouse. Sometimes, no matter what you do, it isn't enough for them.

    But you CAN control yourself. You can choose not to commit adultery. You can walk away from tempting situations.
     
  8. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    You won't get any arguments from me on the points you made.
    But what if you don't see it as a temptation? What if your intentions are totally innocent. Like needing advice from someone?
    You know, you take someone into your confidence because you're confused about your mate. And so you seek the help of some 'guy friend' because he'll know what your man is thinking; right? And so little by little...............

    The reason I'm questioning all this is Mm & I were having a similar discussion because we see a potential problem with a mutual friend.
     
  9. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    Seek counsel from somebody of the same gender; or otherwise unavailable. For instance, if My wife wanted marital advice; somebody to trust with her frustrations about being married to an extremely affectionate, considerate, tender-but-strong-willed man, she'd better not knock on a Matt Damon type.
    She should knock on the door of another woman, or a wilford brimley type. :)
     
  10. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Actually being older and wiser now, I'd say look at the parents, the soon-to-be inlaws. Have one or both fooled around? Do they treat each other with respect?
     

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