Warning - groaner

[Merlin1047]

There was once a herd of llamas that lived next to a herd of cows. The animals were separated only by a small fence. The cows would trick the young llamas into coming over near the fence, then when they got close enough, the cows would grab them and pull the llamas over to their side. At that point, they would kick the llama around, using him like a soccer ball. They did this for a few hours every day until they tired of it.

The moral of the story?






Llamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cow toys.

 

[Joz]

A fellow goes into a restaurant for a breakfast. After looking over the menu he decides on eggs benedict. When his order is brought to him, it is served on a big shiny hubcap. Curious, the man asks the waiter, Why the hubcap'? The waiter smiles & replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise".

 

[Merlin1047]

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer, please, and one for the road."

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I didn't see any.

I went to the butcher's other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "no, the steaks are too high."

I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

What is a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

This one's much worse! How can they get any worse? Read it and see!
In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity. Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse even in the dead of night. To help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse. With this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a reservation!

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.

Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a fast-food seafood restaurant? One was the fish friar, the other was the chip monk.

 

[Merlin1047]

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. You see I'm a gynecologist."




At that point, the proctologist fainted.

 

[Joz]

"Uncle! Uncle! Uncle! I give up!!!"

 

[Hobbit]

"Uncle! Uncle! Uncle! I give up!!!"

Too late.

Two guys walked into a bar, but the third one ducked.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

One day, a frog walked into the bank and asked about getting a loan. The teller said, "Go see the loan officer, Ms. Patricia Whack." So the frog walked up to her and said, "I'd like to take out a loan to get a boat. Now, I hate to throw around celbrity status, but it usually helps with these things, so I have to tell you that I'm the adopted son of Mick Jagger." Startled and a little starstruck, the woman begins walking him through all the paperwork. When she gets to the end, she asks, "Now, do you have any collateral?" At this, the frog pulled out a perfectly carved, pink marble elephant. Now,t he woman is just a little confused. She says, "I need to go talk to the manager." At this, she takes the elephant and the paperwork to the manager and tells him the whole story, beginning to end. After hearing it, the manager looks at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

[Said1]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

:rotflmao:

 

[fuzzykitten99]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox?

Bill

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in shallow water?

Wade

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in deep water?

Bob

What do you call 2 men with no arms and no legs above a window?

Curt & Rod

 

[5stringJeff]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

I must be a total geek... I thought this was hilarious! :rotflmao:

 

[Shattered]

Geek.

 

[5stringJeff]

Geek.

:

 

[Shattered]

Well, at least you're not in denial.. Points for that.

 

[Said1]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox?

Bill

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in shallow water?

Wade

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in deep water?

Bob

What do you call 2 men with no arms and no legs above a window?

Curt & Rod

You forgot one, and I can only remember that you call him a Drag. :cof:

 

[Shattered]

**groans** ...loudly.

 

[Said1]

**groans** ...loudly.

My mother used to tell me those jokes when I was a child. She had a large assortment of "Mommy, Mommy" jokes which were equally as bad.

My favorite joke as a child: What's red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

It still cracks me up.

Oh, oh, I almost forgot: What do you get when you put a frog in a blender?

Frog Nog. Ha, I kill me.

 

[Shattered]

My mother used to tell me those jokes when I was a child. She had a large assortment of "Mommy, Mommy" jokes which were equally as bad.

My favorite joke as a child: What's red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

It still cracks me up.

Oh, oh, I almost forgot: What do you get when you put a frog in a blender?

Frog Nog. Ha, I kill me.

Yer killin me, too.. Really.

:cof:

 

[no1tovote4]

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. You see I'm a gynecologist."




At that point, the proctologist fainted.

LOL. The Gynecologist would get an Iris, what kind of flowers would they use for the Proctologist?

 

[Merlin1047]

Oh, oh, I almost forgot: What do you get when you put a frog in a blender?

Frog Nog. Ha, I kill me.

For some reason, I've never heard that one.

 

[dilloduck]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox?

Bill

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in shallow water?

Wade

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in deep water?

Bob

What do you call 2 men with no arms and no legs above a window?

Curt & Rod

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?

Art

 

[musicman]

LOL. The Gynecologist would get an Iris, what kind of flowers would they use for the Proctologist?

Poinsetta?

Azalea?

Is there such thing as a Brown-eyed Susan?