Thanks to PubliusInfinitum for inspiring this for me (or not, depending on how you feel). Unicorns When unicorns frolic in the land it rains candy during sunshine. Everybody knows that unicorn inspired candy rain not only quenches thirst, but it also feeds the hungry with what is surprisingly nutritious candy. It contains all a body needs. Unicorns love to frolic in the forest, the city and the suburbs. Then, we have unicorn tears. Unicorns can cry at will, and a single unicorn tear touching your skin will impart the wisdom of a thousand years of life experience and knowledge upon the recipient. Unicorns give their tears freely at every opportunity. Unicorns have to breathe, and what amazing breath it is. A unicorn can inhale the entire annual pollution produced by a coal fired electrical plant in a single breath, then exhale purity absent of global warming gasses or toxins. Unicorns breathe deeply and quickly. They love to help the environment like that. Perhaps the most amazing thing about unicorns is their blood. A single drop of unicorn blood cures every ailment known to man and heals any wound possible. Unicorns can produce a thousand gallons of blood a minute, and this again, they give freely at every opportunity. Did you know that? Government When governments invade the land it rains food stamps during storms. Everybody knows that government supplied food stamps not only create more dependency, but also feed the hungry with just enough free crap to fool them. It contains nothing a body needs. Governments love to invade where ever they can get a toe hold. Then, we have government education. Governments can educate at will, and a single government school touching your family will impart the wisdom of a thousand seconds of life experience and knowledge upon the recipient. Governments give their idiocy freely at every opportunity. Governments have to exist, and what an amazing existence it is. A government can inhale a seconds worth of pollution produced by a coal fired electrical plant in a single breath, then exhale 100 times the global warming gasses and toxins, and blame you for it because you werent taxed on carbon output. Governments breathe deeply and quickly. They love to screw the people like that. Perhaps the most amazing thing about governments is their blame. A single drop of government blame causes every financial ailment known to man and results in more taxes and idiotic laws. Governments can produce a thousand gallons of blame a minute, and this again, they give freely at every opportunity. Governments claim to be unicorns, but only the foolish believe in unicorns.