TSA SONG - I Screen Myself

American Horse

AKA "Mustang"
Jan 23, 2009
5,746
908
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The Hoosier Heartland
" I Screen Myself " <-<-click here for audio

(Lyrics)
I love myself
I want you to pat me
When I fly
Oh, I want you to want me
You touch my junk
I want you to search me
I give up my rights...

I don't want any civil rights
I'm under your control when I fly
Oh, I don't want any civil rights
Oh no, oh no, oh no, yeah

You're the one who gropes little children
You're the one who pats a nun
When you're scanning I'm always ranting
Please don't touch my junk

I close my eyes as you feel up me
Now I can't sleep thinking how you've touched me
A fool could see that I can't fit a bomb there
Please get off your knees
I think we've crossed a line here

I don't want any civil rights
I'm under your control when I fly
Oh, I don't want any civil rights
Oh no, oh no, oh no, yeah...

You sit me down
Your hand is up my skirt
To get some rights I might have to just cover
If I say no will I set off an alert
I have to say TSA you're a big jerk

I don't want any civil rights
I'm under your control when I fly
Oh, I don't want any civil rights
Oh no, oh no, oh no, yeah...

Boxers or briefs
Please don't check me underneath

I don't want any civil rights

sung by Lynda McLaughlin, a producer for Sean Hannity
 
Last edited:
And for an encore!

Comply With Me*

(With deepest apologies to Sammy Cahn, Jimmy Van Heusen & Frank Sinatra)

Comply with me, before you fly away
Remove those shoes and take a cruise
Through my peekaboo X-ray
Comply with me, I'm your friendly TSA

Comply with me, you domestic coach class bums
If you opt out I'll just give a shout
To my icy-handed chums
Comply with me, bend over here it comes

Once I get all up there where your hair is ticklish
I'll just fish
Got my wish
Once I get all up there you'll be squirming like an eel
You may squeal
At the feel
When we're together

Proctology is such a lovely trade
I'll show you love with my rubber glove
Try not to be afraid
I'd be a perfect gentleman, if you had just obeyed
Comply with me, I'm GS8 pay grade

Janet Napolitano says to spread 'em wide
Have you tried Astro-glide?
Janet Napolitano knows your clothes are off
Head aloft
Turn it and cough
When we're together

Don't crack wise or I'll ruin your whole day
Please don't frown when I pat you down
It alerts the CIA
It's perfectly legal practice except at Gitmo Bay
Comply with me, comply comply
Comply with me, obey, obey, obey!


iowahawk
 
I always marvel at the power and the persuasion of stories that could easily be defined as trivial while critical issues get no pass. We went through these in Denver not long ago and no one seemed to care. Now as an added distraction from reality for Hannity et al presto chango whammo important news. Postmodernism has invaded our minds. ;)


"A new barbarism, illiteracy and impoverishment of language, new kinds of poverty, merciless remodeling of opinion by media, immiseration of the mind, obsolescence of the soul. Massified, standardizing modes, in every area of life, relentlessly re-enact the actual control program of modernity. Capitalism did not create our world; the machine did." Jean-François Lyotard
 
I always marvel at the power and the persuasion of stories that could easily be defined as trivial while critical issues get no pass. We went through these in Denver not long ago and no one seemed to care. Now as an added distraction from reality for Hannity et al presto chango whammo important news. Postmodernism has invaded our minds. ;)


"A new barbarism, illiteracy and impoverishment of language, new kinds of poverty, merciless remodeling of opinion by media, immiseration of the mind, obsolescence of the soul. Massified, standardizing modes, in every area of life, relentlessly re-enact the actual control program of modernity. Capitalism did not create our world; the machine did." Jean-François Lyotard

MC, this is a stretch.
The parody in question is quite lighthearted, imaginative, and innocuous compared to the likes of SNL, Daly, Etal, and much more captures the social problem involved than do their snickering diatribes.
 
I always marvel at the power and the persuasion of stories that could easily be defined as trivial while critical issues get no pass. We went through these in Denver not long ago and no one seemed to care. Now as an added distraction from reality for Hannity et al presto chango whammo important news. Postmodernism has invaded our minds. ;)


"A new barbarism, illiteracy and impoverishment of language, new kinds of poverty, merciless remodeling of opinion by media, immiseration of the mind, obsolescence of the soul. Massified, standardizing modes, in every area of life, relentlessly re-enact the actual control program of modernity. Capitalism did not create our world; the machine did." Jean-François Lyotard

I always marvel at the ability of the human mind to rationalize anything.
 

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