Trump Tower Raid: A First Lady Proverb

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Abishai100, Aug 31, 2018.

  1. Abishai100

    Abishai100 VIP Member

    Sep 22, 2013
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    This is a capitalism-daydream parody involving a First Lady (Melania Trump), a celebrity eco-pageantry, and a daring art-heist in Trump Tower.

    This patriotic yarn was inspired by Quick Change.



    American state officials at the Pentagon decided that First Lady Melania Trump should do a special PR eco-event at the lavish Trump Tower in NYC. President Donald Trump suggested that the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation co-sponsor the event, and Melania agreed to be a host for the charity-oriented event in the summer of 2018. It was a great decision at the Pentagon, and it was made to help the First Lady be more of a media-friendly female diplomat in this new age of media and customs.


    As Melania Trump prepared her notes to host the event, other celebrities (Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks) were on board for the event as well. It was to be a highly-publicized event, and President Trump ordered security officials to make sure that nothing went wrong. CNN journalists were there too. The First Lady was very enthusiastic about the entire affair.


    A magazine-writer from Europe named Armand was also going to attend, and he personally requested to President Trump that he be allowed to interview the First Lady in front of cameras alongside eco-activist celebrity Leo DiCaprio, and President Trump agreed that would be a terrific idea. Armand was very handsome and very intelligent and seemed genuinely interested in eco-politics in America.


    A spokeswoman for the EPA named Anna was invited by the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation to attend this lavish event at Trump Tower. Anna was an Ivy League graduate who specialized in eco-PR events and wanted to link the EPA to DiCaprio's organization in front of cameras as the First Lady made her first real media-venture for social activism.


    As the awesome event went underway, there was great food and drinks, and a CNN journalist remarked that this was truly something that revealed the grandeur and excellence of the impressive Trump Tower in NYC. After 9/11, Americans were 'on-edge' about traffic securities, but this media eco-event would offer some much-needed 'vitality.' The photographers took ideal photos for the magazines and TV networks. Armand was enjoying shrimp cocktail.


    As the celebrities Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise took photos with Leo DiCaprio and the First Lady, a CNN journalist said, "Who would think that eco-events in this age of overwhelming commerce would generate so much intrigue and dazzle?" Hanks and Cruise congratulated Leo for his efforts in helping organizing this affair and Melania Trump for serving as an extraordinary host. Everything was going beautifully, and it was something everyone would expect President Trump to tweet much about in the following weeks...


    Armand suddenly pulled out two automatic colored machine-guns from his duffel-bag and began spraying the air. People started screaming and panicking, but Armand pulled out a megaphone from his duffel-bag and used it to tell the crowd, "Please relax. We're here for some valuable art in this building and want to hurt no one. Me and my European associates have no intention of harming any hostages or damaging Trump Tower."


    After Armand delivered this assuring speech (he had one of his European associates, an employee of Trump Tower, hide the duffel-bag in one of the building's vents ahead of the event for Armand to grab), a bomb went off on one of the lower floors of Trump Tower. This would surely draw in journalists curious about what the hell was suddenly happening to what was supposed to be an 'ideal eco-event.'


    As Armand tied up Melania and Leo in one of the private offices, Armand's 'European associates' (his terrorist comrades) began prowling for the valuable art in one of the new rooms of Trump Tower. These associates included a former Spanish anarchist named David and a Czech smuggler named Andre. David and Andre were to transport the valuable art in a truck parked outside the back kitchen entrance on the first floor --- a truck pre-labelled and painted 'European Pizza.'


    A third associate of Armand, a gorgeous Swedish Marxist woman named Elsa who attended the event pretending to be a guerrilla-outfit costumed 'eco-vaudevillian entertainer.' However, now Elsa had a machine-gun and was to help with crowd-control while David and Andre performed the swift art-heist. Melania Trump was furious and screamed at Elsa, "This is all about an art-robbery? You're just brute thieves!" and Elsa replied, "Stay cool, and we'll disappear before your honey-BBQ dries, your majesty."


    As David and Andre transported the three large paintings, each worth $5 million, into the parked truck, Armand used his megaphone to remind everyone that everything would be just fine. It was Elsa who had poisoned the drinks of all the security officials, so they passed out before Armand had pulled out his arsenal for the raid. The art that David and Andre stole was incredible, and now Armand would have something 'truly unusual' for the European magazines. Trump Tower had become a giant roller-coaster.


    As Armand and Elsa took Melania and Leo down to the parked truck where David and Andre were waiting with the stolen art, the armored security vehicles and security officials on-hand to try to negotiate with these European rascals/terrorists simply stood outside unaware and helpless. No one wanted to get in the way of Armand and Elsa as they walked out with Melania and Leo. Melania and Leo were left right outside by the getaway pizza-truck as the quartet of 'bandits' drove away undetected. Melania and Leo then ran towards all the cops, but it was too late for the cops to catch Armand and his 'associates.'


    Armand and his 'crew' fled back to Europe and posted an anonymous blog on the Internet with an original computer-generated flag signifying the 'flair' of their daring art-heist. President Trump tweeted, "We're truly regretful that such precious and extremely-valuable art was stolen, but at least the First Lady (and Leo!) were safe and unharmed." International authorities then began tracking Armand. A special CIA agent named Pervis was assigned to nail the crafty Armand.


    Armand was finally apprehended (just one year later) in Madrid (Spain) where the ABCD was found working at a bakery. Pervis brought him in to interview him, and since he was considered such a dangerous criminal mastermind, he was put in maximum-security, but Armand requested he be given a face-covering metal mask so he could remain private, and Pervis consented. It was in his cell that Pervis interviewed Armand personally (for the journalists).

    PERVIS: Why did you do it?
    ARMAND: For money, you fool...
    PERVIS: Where's the art, Armand?
    ARMAND: Sold, sold, sold. Black fool.
    PERVIS: What did you have against Trump Tower?
    ARMAND: We weren't radicals, Pervis; merely 'rascals.'
    PERVIS: Why would you involve the First Lady?
    ARMAND: She was unharmed...
    PERVIS: The media called it a 'monumental oddness.'
    ARMAND: Did you like the bomb?
    PERVIS: Why did you set off that explosive anyway?
    ARMAND: It was a distraction and reminder that we had hostages.
    PERVIS: Why did you request for that hideous mask, Armand?
    ARMAND: I hate the cameras...
    PERVIS: Well, you're something of a 'celebrity' now.
    ARMAND: Hey, didn't the First Lady benefit from all the 'adventure journalism'?
    PERVIS: Well, it's true she was spotlighted as a heroine/saint...
    ARMAND: You see? Sometimes crime benefits all involved!
    PERVIS: President Donald Trump was furious.
    ARMAND: Just let me sit in his prison in peace...I'm here for life.
    PERVIS: Your crimes warranted the sentence, Armand!
    ARMAND: Maybe someday you'll see the 'light' of such 'hysteria.'


    As President Donald Trump enjoyed a game of tennis with the First Lady on a warm day in August, a White House aide asked him what he remembered most about that 'Trump Tower art-raid,' and the President simply said, "All's well that ends well!" While the stolen art/money was never retrieved, the First Lady tweeted, "I'm so fortunate that the valuable eco-event was not scarred by any horrific tragedy such as real casualties." It's true that no one was hurt, and the bomb that was set off by Armand and his crew was on a vacant floor the day of the raid. President Trump therefore enjoyed his tennis game with Melania...confident that Trump Tower was once again a 'beacon' of American pride.




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