deepthunk
Justadude with a keyboard
- Feb 19, 2011
- 313
- 48
- 66
I was just trolling around Mitt Romneys campaign website which can be found here https://www.mittromney.com ; Ive decided to post a multi-part series where I use my special skill as a bullshit translator to translate the bullshit on Romneys site for your convenience.
Beginning under the jobs heading (because thats what stinks the most)
Mitt Romney will rebuild the foundations of the American economy on the principles of free enterprise, hard work, and innovation.
Translation: The American people can do it their damn selves because we arent doing a damn thing for them.
His plan seeks to reduce taxes
Translation: Give more tax cuts to the rich, because they just cant get enough of that money.
Spending
Translation: Were going to fire teachers so your kids will be dumb as rocks and fire people at the DMV so you can wait for three hours.
regulation
Translation: Because corporations and Wall Street should be able to do anything they damn well want (because thats always worked out for the best to date).
and government programs
Translation: Also were going to cut school lunches and food stamps so poor people can go screw themselves in the great American Christian tradition and were going to let bridges and infrastructure go to hell. After all we all know that the poor can get food boxes of barely expired pig slop, and well just feed our table scraps to the rest. Pulse lets face it; drivers have had it too easy with those bridges that dont collapse for a while.
It seeks to increase trade
Translation: Send more of our jobs to China and India.
energy production
Translation: The coal companies need more money and there are companies chomping at the bit to build nuclear plants (that always works out for the best too)
human capital
Translation: Were importing people to be slaves.
and labor flexibility
Translation: Mandatory calisthenics?
It relinquishes power to the states instead of claiming to have the solution to every problem
Translation: Let states do whatever they want, Jim Crow would be proud.
Any American living through this economic crisis will immediately recognize the severity of the break that Mitt Romney proposes from our current course
Translation: Jesus this asshole is going to break us.
He is calling for a fundamental change in Washingtons view of how economic growth and prosperity are achieved
Translation: Cant you all see we have to REALLY screw them to get ahead?
how jobs are created
Translation: were going to find new ways to give money to rich people.
and how government can support these endeavors
Translation: Thats right; the government is going to give money to rich people.
It is at once a deeply conservative return to policies that have served our nation well and a highly ambitious departure from the policies of our current leadership
Translation: I swear to god Im not Obama, Im Reagan! No really I am Reagan!
In short, it is a plan to get America back to work
Translation: With a whip.
Beginning under the jobs heading (because thats what stinks the most)
Mitt Romney will rebuild the foundations of the American economy on the principles of free enterprise, hard work, and innovation.
Translation: The American people can do it their damn selves because we arent doing a damn thing for them.
His plan seeks to reduce taxes
Translation: Give more tax cuts to the rich, because they just cant get enough of that money.
Spending
Translation: Were going to fire teachers so your kids will be dumb as rocks and fire people at the DMV so you can wait for three hours.
regulation
Translation: Because corporations and Wall Street should be able to do anything they damn well want (because thats always worked out for the best to date).
and government programs
Translation: Also were going to cut school lunches and food stamps so poor people can go screw themselves in the great American Christian tradition and were going to let bridges and infrastructure go to hell. After all we all know that the poor can get food boxes of barely expired pig slop, and well just feed our table scraps to the rest. Pulse lets face it; drivers have had it too easy with those bridges that dont collapse for a while.
It seeks to increase trade
Translation: Send more of our jobs to China and India.
energy production
Translation: The coal companies need more money and there are companies chomping at the bit to build nuclear plants (that always works out for the best too)
human capital
Translation: Were importing people to be slaves.
and labor flexibility
Translation: Mandatory calisthenics?
It relinquishes power to the states instead of claiming to have the solution to every problem
Translation: Let states do whatever they want, Jim Crow would be proud.
Any American living through this economic crisis will immediately recognize the severity of the break that Mitt Romney proposes from our current course
Translation: Jesus this asshole is going to break us.
He is calling for a fundamental change in Washingtons view of how economic growth and prosperity are achieved
Translation: Cant you all see we have to REALLY screw them to get ahead?
how jobs are created
Translation: were going to find new ways to give money to rich people.
and how government can support these endeavors
Translation: Thats right; the government is going to give money to rich people.
It is at once a deeply conservative return to policies that have served our nation well and a highly ambitious departure from the policies of our current leadership
Translation: I swear to god Im not Obama, Im Reagan! No really I am Reagan!
In short, it is a plan to get America back to work
Translation: With a whip.
