To Inflate the Ego or Not to Inflate the Ego

[jillian]

that is the question

I have been having a discussion with one of our fellow board members about whether it is better to keep our kids humble or to pump up their egos and we seem to see things a bit differently.

What say you?

 

[RadiomanATL]

that is the question

I have been having a discussion with one of our fellow board members about whether it is better to keep our kids humble or to pump up their egos and we seem to see things a bit differently.

What say you?

It's a balance, and about timing. Both need to happen, but recognizing when it is the right time for each is the hardest part of parenting.

Edit: ONE of the hardest parts...

 

[Zander]

Kids in the USA stink at math and science. But have the highest "self esteem" of kids anywhere!!

Focus on teaching kids how to achieve, the ego will take care of itself.

 

[jillian]

Kids in the USA stink at math and science. But have the highest "self esteem" of kids anywhere!!

Focus on teaching kids how to achieve, the ego will take care of itself.

Oh.. I wasn't talking about telling the they're good at things they aren't. I agree with you about that. I also don't think "everyone should get a prize".

I don't like that sort of thing and think it destroys aspirational thinking.

 

[uscitizen]

Teach the kids to deal in reality.
Reinforce good behaviour and punish bad behaviour.
they will likely turn out well.

 

[masquerade]

I believe in positive reinforcement with my two children. Praising them for making a good decision and a job well done. I try not to criticize, but I don't have a problem telling them they did something wrong or made a poor decision when they need it. It's all about balance.

 

[jillian]

that is the question

I have been having a discussion with one of our fellow board members about whether it is better to keep our kids humble or to pump up their egos and we seem to see things a bit differently.

What say you?

It's a balance, and about timing. Both need to happen, but recognizing when it is the right time for each is the hardest part of parenting.

Edit: ONE of the hardest parts...

It is difficult. My feeling is that self-esteem is what enables kids to tell other kids to piss off when they're mean instead of seeking approval of "the group". And I think that for a kid to aspire to be the best they can be requires a healthy self-image.

on the other hand, no one wants their kid to be "too full of themselves".

 

[masquerade]

Kids in the USA stink at math and science. But have the highest "self esteem" of kids anywhere!!

Focus on teaching kids how to achieve, the ego will take care of itself.

I have an exception. My 17 year-old son who scored a perfect 800 on his SAT chemistry subject test. 760 on his math ... I just can't remember what specific math test it was. The kid lives and breathes math and science.

 

[uscitizen]

Children are different some will naturally have an over inflated ego and others will be less self assured.
Each one will require different treatment.
there is no one set of child rearing rules that work best for all children.
You may have to tone down one childs agression and encourage anothers.
Agression and self esteem/ego are somewhat linked.

 

[random3434]

that is the question

I have been having a discussion with one of our fellow board members about whether it is better to keep our kids humble or to pump up their egos and we seem to see things a bit differently.

What say you?

It's a balance, and about timing. Both need to happen, but recognizing when it is the right time for each is the hardest part of parenting.

Edit: ONE of the hardest parts...

It is difficult. My feeling is that self-esteem is what enables kids to tell other kids to piss off when they're mean instead of seeking approval of "the group". And I think that for a kid to aspire to be the best they can be requires a healthy self-image.

on the other hand, no one wants their kid to be "too full of themselves".

One thing that makes me proud about Mini EZ is she DOES tell off the bullies. She had some kids in her PE class making fun of a boy with autism, she told them off. THEN, the other kids joined in and told those bullies off too, all it took was for someone to make the first move.

Being honest with your kids and following through with things you tell them is a great way to help shape their character.

And leading by example too. They look to us on how to 'be'-we are their first and strongest role models.

 

[Trajan]

I tried to 'coach' my children. I let them fail at times though I might have been able to rescue them, I 'assisted' them in achieving certain goals, in the end I wanted them to learn to enjoy the achievements and learn to suffer failures so they would understand each has a value. The lessons they take from each will get them through.....

 

[Samson]

It's a balance, and about timing. Both need to happen, but recognizing when it is the right time for each is the hardest part of parenting.

Edit: ONE of the hardest parts...

It is difficult. My feeling is that self-esteem is what enables kids to tell other kids to piss off when they're mean instead of seeking approval of "the group". And I think that for a kid to aspire to be the best they can be requires a healthy self-image.

on the other hand, no one wants their kid to be "too full of themselves".

One thing that makes me proud about Mini EZ is she DOES tell off the bullies. She had some kids in her PE class making fun of a boy with autism, she told them off. THEN, the other kids joined in and told those bullies off too, all it took was for someone to make the first move.

Being honest with your kids and following through with things you tell them is a great way to help shape their character.

And leading by example too. They look to us on how to 'be'-we are their first and strongest role models.

Indeed

There should always be something for which we can be proud of our kids, and we oughta let'em know that we are proud of them. Growth of "Ego" or, self esteem requires nuturing.

 

[syrenn]

that is the question

I have been having a discussion with one of our fellow board members about whether it is better to keep our kids humble or to pump up their egos and we seem to see things a bit differently.

What say you?

A large question you are asking, one with many facets.

Humble vs big ego is an individual thing. I feel you need to damp down the ones with puffed egos and encourage and boost up those that are not so out going. As to humble i feel children should be trained not to be braggarts.


Not sure if that is the answer you are looking for though

 

[mudwhistle]

that is the question

I have been having a discussion with one of our fellow board members about whether it is better to keep our kids humble or to pump up their egos and we seem to see things a bit differently.

What say you?

If you support them in everything you'll only end up with at best a narcissistic personality and at worst a psychopath.

The desirable thing to do is the hardest. Provide a good example to them by living right and give them the support they need to at least compete in life. They can't always be numero uno but don't let them think that quitting is an acceptable way to avoid hardship.

Oh...and teach them that humility is a quality trait. But then again having confidence is as well.

 

[JW Frogen]

Inflate, let them float free on the stream of life with all the hot air they can muster.

Death will pop their balloon, you don't have to do it.

 

[xotoxi]

Oh.. I wasn't talking about telling the they're good at things they aren't. I agree with you about that. I also don't think "everyone should get a prize".

I think that there is a certain age at which everyone should get a prize...probably 5 and under...maybe even up to 7. It teaches them to try hard and if you try hard, you might get something special.

But after that point, kids need to learn that you have to be the best to win.

Oh...also everyone should get a prize in the Special Olympics.

 

[hipeter924]

If you have too big an ego you can really hurt people, making them upset or even lead them to suicide, but without an ego at all you end up with low self-esteem and worthlessness. But saying that everyone is a dick once in a while, it can't be helped.

 

[ConHog]

As others have said; it's about balance. Children need to be told when they've done something well, and likewise they need to be told where they need improvement.

And of course there is a huge difference between self confidence and arrogance. One is a desirable trait, the other not so much.

 

[Lumpy 1]

My wife gives praise and reinforcement rather easily.

I tend to keep their ego's in check.

So far...the team effort has worked out very well...

 

[Kat]

A bit of self esteem and being humble at the same time is always good in my book.
We all need self esteem. Those that don't, seem to try and compensate by being arrogant.