This will get me in trouble1

[saltshaker]

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'.. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' Anonymous

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Henny Youngman

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... Nash

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Patrick Murra

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. James Holt McGavra

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' Sam Kinison

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' Anonymous

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette

 

[Ropey]

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

 

[Colin]

Marriage is like a pack of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts
and a diamond. By the end, you'll wish you had a club and a spade.