> A guy was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that he had the > biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. He said "You're pulling > my leg." > I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today! At least I presume > she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. > His girlfriend thinks that hes a stalker. Well, she's not exactly his > girlfriend yet. > A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and > talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel > chair." > He was explaining to his wife that when you die you get > reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she > would like to come back as a cow. He said, "You're obviously not > listening." > His wife had been missing for a week when the Detective on the case > told the husband to prepare for the worst. So, he went to the thrift shop > to get all her clothes back. > At the Senior Center they had a contest the other day and I lost by one > point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? > Apparently the correct answer is Africa! Who knew? > One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing > commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct > answer either. > You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they > drive slowly past schools. > A friend of mine just told me he's banging his girlfriend and her twin. > I asked him how he could tell them apart? He said "Her brother's got > a moustache." > A guy puts a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentions it on > Facebook. He posts: "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next > thing he knows 4,000 Muslims have added him as a friend! > When a guy checked into the hotel on a recent trip, he said to the > lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room > is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you > sick bastard." > The Red Cross just knocked on our door and asked if we could help > towards the floods in Japan. I said we would love to, but our > garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway. HEY, LIGHTEN UP!