> A guy was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that he had the
> biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. He said "You're pulling
> my leg."
> I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today! At least I presume
> she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
> His girlfriend thinks that hes a stalker. Well, she's not exactly his
> girlfriend yet.
> A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and
> talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel
> chair."
> He was explaining to his wife that when you die you get
> reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she
> would like to come back as a cow. He said, "You're obviously not
> listening."
> His wife had been missing for a week when the Detective on the case
> told the husband to prepare for the worst. So, he went to the thrift shop
> to get all her clothes back.
> At the Senior Center they had a contest the other day and I lost by one
> point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
> Apparently the correct answer is Africa! Who knew?
> One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing
> commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct
> answer either.
> You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they
> drive slowly past schools.
> A friend of mine just told me he's banging his girlfriend and her twin.
> I asked him how he could tell them apart? He said "Her brother's got
> a moustache."
> A guy puts a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentions it on
> Facebook. He posts: "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next
> thing he knows 4,000 Muslims have added him as a friend!
> When a guy checked into the hotel on a recent trip, he said to the
> lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room
> is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you
> sick bastard."
> The Red Cross just knocked on our door and asked if we could help
> towards the floods in Japan. I said we would love to, but our
> garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway.
HEY, LIGHTEN UP!
> biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. He said "You're pulling
> my leg."
> I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today! At least I presume
> she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
> His girlfriend thinks that hes a stalker. Well, she's not exactly his
> girlfriend yet.
> A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and
> talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel
> chair."
> He was explaining to his wife that when you die you get
> reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she
> would like to come back as a cow. He said, "You're obviously not
> listening."
> His wife had been missing for a week when the Detective on the case
> told the husband to prepare for the worst. So, he went to the thrift shop
> to get all her clothes back.
> At the Senior Center they had a contest the other day and I lost by one
> point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
> Apparently the correct answer is Africa! Who knew?
> One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing
> commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct
> answer either.
> You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they
> drive slowly past schools.
> A friend of mine just told me he's banging his girlfriend and her twin.
> I asked him how he could tell them apart? He said "Her brother's got
> a moustache."
> A guy puts a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentions it on
> Facebook. He posts: "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next
> thing he knows 4,000 Muslims have added him as a friend!
> When a guy checked into the hotel on a recent trip, he said to the
> lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room
> is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you
> sick bastard."
> The Red Cross just knocked on our door and asked if we could help
> towards the floods in Japan. I said we would love to, but our
> garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway.
HEY, LIGHTEN UP!
