Things I Learned from SciFi...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Hobbit, Jun 29, 2004.

  1. Hobbit

    Hobbit Senior Member

    Mar 25, 2004
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    Near Atlanta, GA
    Star Trek:

    - If several important people and some other guys go somewhere dangerous, none of the important people will die, only the misceallaneous other guys, no matter how high their rank. If the captain of the ship, a grand admiral, and the secretary of state go down to the surface of the planet, only the captain will come back.

    - Anything that can't be done with the main deflector dish can be done with the warp engines. I used my main deflector dish to clean my room, fix my plumbing, and cure cancer. The warp engines cured the common cold.

    - All intelligent aliens are bipedal and can learn to speak English. Each species has only one language across the entire race. That language usually makes them sound like they're always angry.

    - If different from above, the alien is one of a kind, made of pure energy, and can read minds.

    - Hair styles go in 70-100 year cycles.

    - Earth's primary language will become English.

    - Every planet looks the same, except some of the rocks are moved.

    - There hasn't been any good literature made on Earth since 1900.

    - People are so lazy, they're more proficient with a gun that's operated like a TV remote than with a standard gun.

    Star Wars

    - Everybody knows English.

    - Any large machine of war (battlestation, warship, etc.) can be taken out by a single, much smaller ship if you just hit it in the right spot.

    - No matter how slow or easy to knock over, long legs are soooo much better than wheels or tracks.

    - Technology digresses over time.

    - In the future, all aiming devices will be removed from firearms.

    - Every planet has only a single climate covering the entire planet.

    - Melee weapons will never go out of style.

    - Armor is for decoration.

    - All evil forces will proclaim their alignment by wearing Nazi uniforms.

    B movies

    - Einstein and Hawking are wrong.

    - Genetics can change anything, but not without causing body and mind bending side effects.

    - Aliens are all made from foam rubber and paper mache.

    - All aliens want to do is kill humans, completely disregarding all other species in the galaxy.

    - But they still only send one to five at a time.

    - Aliens use Macintosh and IBM compatible computers.

    - Contrary to government misinformation and propoganda, nuclear radiation does not cause a horrible, rotting, burning death. Instead, it gives superpowers to humans and make animals 50-200x their original size.

    - Same goes for toxic chemicals.

    - Aliens will not attack government centers, they will attack lakeside cabins.

    - All aliens are stupid and God only knows how they got such advanced technology.

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