The Ultimate Racist Joke Thread

[Luissa]

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, “I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth… Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?”

St. Peter said, “That’s a question only God can answer.” So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, “God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?”

God simply replied, “You are what you are.”

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, “Well, did God straighten out your query for you?” The zebra looked puzzled.

“No sir, God simply said ‘You are what you are.’” St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, “Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.”

The zebra asked St. Peter, “How do you know that for certain?” “Because,” said St. Peter, “If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, “You is what you is.

 

[Luissa]

why do white girls date blacks?


to make their father angry

 

[Tank]

The guy from Reading Rainbow was on Star Trek. Geez

And he played Kunta Kinte in Roots too, so he definitely has solid negro credentials.

Follow-up: The guy who played Worf (the Klingon) was a black actor too.

Let's give Tank a few minutes to work that into a joke...

What does Worf and a black on welfare have in common?

They are both Klingons

 

[High_Gravity]

why do white girls date blacks?


to make their father angry

Thats actually kind of true.

 

[Sunni Man]

Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of to help his math! Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.

His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

"Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that Jewish guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't screwing around."

 

[Tank]

What does a Mexican kid get for their birthday?

You're bike.

 

[High_Gravity]

What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons?

Jose and Hose B

 

[manifold]

And he played Kunta Kinte in Roots too, so he definitely has solid negro credentials.

Follow-up: The guy who played Worf (the Klingon) was a black actor too.

Let's give Tank a few minutes to work that into a joke...

What does Worf and a black on welfare have in common?

They are both Klingons

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

 

[High_Gravity]

What did God say when he saw the first black person?

Damnit...I burnt one!

 

[Sunni Man]

Asians are the only race you can blindfold with dental floss

 

[Luissa]

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

 

[Luissa]

What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

 

[Luissa]

Why shouldnt white people go swimming?
Because crackers get soggy when wet.

 

[Luissa]

This is my favorite one.
What do you call 200 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

 

[strollingbones]

if you toss obama and an apple out of a tree....which hits the ground first?


the apple, the rope should hold

 

[strollingbones]

a priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, they see a young boy...the priest says...lets screw him,,, the rabbi ask 'out of what'?

 

[Rat in the Hat]

Have you heard about the Polish farmer who tried to raise chickens?

He gave up after he planted 1,000 eggs, and nothing grew.

 

[Rat in the Hat]

A guy walks into a gun shop and asks for 2,500 rounds of ammunition.

The gun shop owner asks "Why do you need 2,500 rounds?"

"I'm going out to shoot cans"

"2,500 rounds to shoot cans???"

And the guy replies, "Yeah. Africans, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans..."

 

[Rat in the Hat]

How do you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagon?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 96 in the ashtray.

 

[editec]

Q: How many WHite Anglo-Saxon Protestants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to call the building superintendent, and one to mix the Martinis.