- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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Since we love making bank-robbery films in America, here's a short-story I cooked up to drum up some anti-capitalism Trump stuff.
What do you think? How would the Trump Administration respond to such a 'Freudian circus gesture'?
We criticize Reaganomics by citing the fact that Reagan was once just a movie actor (e.g., Dark Victory). Will we criticize 'TrumpUSA' by citing Trump was once just a venture-capitalist (e.g., Trump Taj Mahal)?
Would Hollywood be interested in the movie-rights to this anti-capitalism bank-robbery punchline story? I feel like Michael Moore is probably already working on a film about the numerous anti-Trump street protests.
====
Tom Cruise (Minority Report), the American movie star, was bored being a celebrity and wanted to make some kind of anti-federalism statement against the capitalism-bravado broadcasted by the overtly pro-capitalist Trump Administration. He recruited his actor-friend Sebastian Stan (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) to hep him find two Ivy League students/graduates who were blogging on the Internet as 'anti-capitalism idealists.' Cruise and Stan found an Armenian-American Internet-blogger named Ajay Satan and an online-architect named Ben Frank. Ajay and Ben both studied at Yale University and knew each other.
Cruise and Stan liked Ajay and Ben's generic but idealistic attitudes towards pseudo-fascist federalism 'regimes,' so they told them about their grandiose plan --- to rob the Bank of New York Mellon on Halloween Eve! They would dress up as American presidents (Nixon, Carter, Reagan, and Johnson) just like from the nifty American bank-robbing film Point Break. They would walk into BNY-Mellon dressed as those president-characters with a giant movie poster of Point Break (with the pictures from the film of the same presidential-characters) and tell the crowds they were doing a special Hollywood PR movie-stunt in honor of the Point Break re-make being filmed!
Ajay was in charge of hacking into the BNY-Mellon computerized alarm system the night before (Ajay was a computer wizard) and insert an algorithm that would turn the alarms off 10 minutes before three (Cruise, Sebastian, and Ajay) walked in to do the job (Ben would be sitting in the getaway car parked outside). Ajay was dressed as Reagan and was in charge of 'captaining' the job (to seem like the outspoken leader), while Cruise and Stan filled the bags with money. Ajay brought a video-camera and megaphone and would speak into it: "This is only a PR stunt. We're going to take the money and I'm going to record the fake-robbery with my camcorder for the movie studio! This has to seem realistic, so we're filming with actual bank patrons/customers, so pleas everyone just relax, and we will not have to wield our water-pistols(!), which may be filled with boiling hot water!!!"
The job was a success, and Ben pretended his car broke down in front of Atlantic Bank (not too far away), so cops were busy coddling him (while Ajay, Cruise, and Stan were doing the robbery at BNY-Mellon). There were even news-reporters at Ben's car-breakdown 'scene.' After 15 minutes, Ben got his car to start back up, and he zoomed away on John St. and found his way to Barclay St. and finally parked his car outside BNY-Mellon 2 minutes before Ajay, Cruise, and Stan walked out (masked as presidential-characters from Point Break) with bags full of money. They drove off to Canada to split the money and plan their next move at a hotel room Cruise paid for but Ajay transacted.
CRUISE: That was superb job.
AJAY: It was just like a movie.
STAN: How poetic!
BEN: Let's split the money.
CRUISE: Alright, we have about $10 million.
AJAY: That's $2.5 million each.
STAN: Hey, I did all the work!
BEN: Very funny.
CRUISE: I'm giving mine to the Green Party (anti-Trump).
AJAY: I'm investing in SeaWorld.
STAN: I guess I'll build a Treehouse Mansion.
BEN: I'll help you design your mansion!
CRUISE: So I did this because I was bored with 'celebrity-life.'
AJAY: Sebastian told us.
STAN: What are you two Yale yuppies going to do now?
BEN: Retire.
CRUISE: So does everyone know what to say when newsies inquire?
AJAY: "Sure. I love Point Break, but I dunno what you're talking about!"
STAN: "Officer, weren't they Trump protesters?"
BEN: "Sir, I was a mile away with a broke-down car in front of a completely different bank."
CRUISE: Perfect. Maybe I'll confess on Oprah.
AJAY: Don't mention me.
STAN: Just say we intend to give all the money to charity ("It really was a Hollywood stunt").
BEN: I'm getting dizzy.
CRUISE: Someone should write a book about our daring deed.
AJAY: Yeah, they can title it, "Citizens on Euphoria."
STAN: Maybe the Trump Administration is not so bad...
BEN: Maybe President Trump will hire me to design a bank in D.C.
====
THE ROBBERS (Cruise, Ben, Ajay, and Stan)
THE BANK (BNY-Mellon, NYC):
THE MASKS (From Point Break):
What do you think? How would the Trump Administration respond to such a 'Freudian circus gesture'?
We criticize Reaganomics by citing the fact that Reagan was once just a movie actor (e.g., Dark Victory). Will we criticize 'TrumpUSA' by citing Trump was once just a venture-capitalist (e.g., Trump Taj Mahal)?
Would Hollywood be interested in the movie-rights to this anti-capitalism bank-robbery punchline story? I feel like Michael Moore is probably already working on a film about the numerous anti-Trump street protests.
====
Tom Cruise (Minority Report), the American movie star, was bored being a celebrity and wanted to make some kind of anti-federalism statement against the capitalism-bravado broadcasted by the overtly pro-capitalist Trump Administration. He recruited his actor-friend Sebastian Stan (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) to hep him find two Ivy League students/graduates who were blogging on the Internet as 'anti-capitalism idealists.' Cruise and Stan found an Armenian-American Internet-blogger named Ajay Satan and an online-architect named Ben Frank. Ajay and Ben both studied at Yale University and knew each other.
Cruise and Stan liked Ajay and Ben's generic but idealistic attitudes towards pseudo-fascist federalism 'regimes,' so they told them about their grandiose plan --- to rob the Bank of New York Mellon on Halloween Eve! They would dress up as American presidents (Nixon, Carter, Reagan, and Johnson) just like from the nifty American bank-robbing film Point Break. They would walk into BNY-Mellon dressed as those president-characters with a giant movie poster of Point Break (with the pictures from the film of the same presidential-characters) and tell the crowds they were doing a special Hollywood PR movie-stunt in honor of the Point Break re-make being filmed!
Ajay was in charge of hacking into the BNY-Mellon computerized alarm system the night before (Ajay was a computer wizard) and insert an algorithm that would turn the alarms off 10 minutes before three (Cruise, Sebastian, and Ajay) walked in to do the job (Ben would be sitting in the getaway car parked outside). Ajay was dressed as Reagan and was in charge of 'captaining' the job (to seem like the outspoken leader), while Cruise and Stan filled the bags with money. Ajay brought a video-camera and megaphone and would speak into it: "This is only a PR stunt. We're going to take the money and I'm going to record the fake-robbery with my camcorder for the movie studio! This has to seem realistic, so we're filming with actual bank patrons/customers, so pleas everyone just relax, and we will not have to wield our water-pistols(!), which may be filled with boiling hot water!!!"
The job was a success, and Ben pretended his car broke down in front of Atlantic Bank (not too far away), so cops were busy coddling him (while Ajay, Cruise, and Stan were doing the robbery at BNY-Mellon). There were even news-reporters at Ben's car-breakdown 'scene.' After 15 minutes, Ben got his car to start back up, and he zoomed away on John St. and found his way to Barclay St. and finally parked his car outside BNY-Mellon 2 minutes before Ajay, Cruise, and Stan walked out (masked as presidential-characters from Point Break) with bags full of money. They drove off to Canada to split the money and plan their next move at a hotel room Cruise paid for but Ajay transacted.
CRUISE: That was superb job.
AJAY: It was just like a movie.
STAN: How poetic!
BEN: Let's split the money.
CRUISE: Alright, we have about $10 million.
AJAY: That's $2.5 million each.
STAN: Hey, I did all the work!
BEN: Very funny.
CRUISE: I'm giving mine to the Green Party (anti-Trump).
AJAY: I'm investing in SeaWorld.
STAN: I guess I'll build a Treehouse Mansion.
BEN: I'll help you design your mansion!
CRUISE: So I did this because I was bored with 'celebrity-life.'
AJAY: Sebastian told us.
STAN: What are you two Yale yuppies going to do now?
BEN: Retire.
CRUISE: So does everyone know what to say when newsies inquire?
AJAY: "Sure. I love Point Break, but I dunno what you're talking about!"
STAN: "Officer, weren't they Trump protesters?"
BEN: "Sir, I was a mile away with a broke-down car in front of a completely different bank."
CRUISE: Perfect. Maybe I'll confess on Oprah.
AJAY: Don't mention me.
STAN: Just say we intend to give all the money to charity ("It really was a Hollywood stunt").
BEN: I'm getting dizzy.
CRUISE: Someone should write a book about our daring deed.
AJAY: Yeah, they can title it, "Citizens on Euphoria."
STAN: Maybe the Trump Administration is not so bad...
BEN: Maybe President Trump will hire me to design a bank in D.C.
====
THE ROBBERS (Cruise, Ben, Ajay, and Stan)
THE BANK (BNY-Mellon, NYC):
THE MASKS (From Point Break):
