The Trials of Marriage!!!

[JOKER96BRAVO]

I'm dedicating this thread to all the trials we all go through in our marriage!
Tests if you will, should be some funny stuff on both sides huh?

Here I'll start off:

So me and the wife are watching tv last night and Britney Spears' new video comes on. My wife instantly reached for the remote and said
"Britney Spears is a SLUT!!!" Then she looked at me as if she were waiting
on me to comment. So I did what any man who wants to stay married would do.

I said "how do you know she's a slut??? Did you two go to school together?
Do you hang out at the club with her? Did she steal your man?"

NO I DIDN'T, but I should have. The reply was actually something like this:

"Uhh ya honey she's a huge whore, and an ugly one too. Let's change the
channel before I puke" (sigh)

 

[Joz]

Musicman advises young men that 'sincerity' in the key to a successful relationship. And once you learn to fake that........

 

[DKSuddeth]

Heres one,

So, my wife and I are on this message board right? And someone put something up that they obviously thought was funny (it was but i'll get into that in a bit) about marriage and how men tell their wives whatever will get them in the least amount of trouble. After reading the poor saps post (sorry, joker. just trying to stay in the least amount of trouble) my wife looks at me and asks, 'well honey, what do you think of that?'.

:rotflmao:

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

Heres one,

So, my wife and I are on this message board right? And someone put something up that they obviously thought was funny (it was but i'll get into that in a bit) about marriage and how men tell their wives whatever will get them in the least amount of trouble. After reading the poor saps post (sorry, joker. just trying to stay in the least amount of trouble) my wife looks at me and asks, 'well honey, what do you think of that?'.

:rotflmao:

No hard feelings. KL don't look:
You could secretly slip me some rep points, cause you know I'm right, and that
was some funny stuff!!!

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

So here's another......or should I stop?
Oh I got it:
WARNING
This message does not in any way apply
to all men at any given time and should be read for humor purposes only!
ALL MEN COOPERATING IN THIS THREAD, RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DENY
ANY AND ALL INFORMATION POSTED!

Husband says:Hey let's go out to eat, where do you want to go?

Wife says:Oh I don't care...Whatever you pick is fine.

H:Ok, I feel like Mexican food.

W:No, I don't really want Mexican.

H:How about Chinese?

W:No, I had that a month ago.

This conversation goes on for a good five minutes untill you suggest
her favorite place to eat, which is then accepted. Thus making what you picked
NOT FINE of course.

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

WARNING
This message does not in any way apply
to all men at any given time and should be read for humor purposes only!
ALL MEN COOPERATING IN THIS THREAD, RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DENY
ANY AND ALL INFORMATION POSTED!

Ok...Ok, got one
"Does this dress look good (here's the trick part of the question) ON ME???
Response should always be:
Honey you don't need anything to make you look good!

Failed answers:
-No
-Anything looks good on you hun
-Sure
-I like the pink one better
-You'd look better not wearing anything

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

I'm guessing I will not get a whole lot of participation on here So..........
You guys can PM your posts to me and I'll change them to protect the innocent.

 

[Joz]

Are ANY of you noticing a pattern here???

 

[5stringJeff]

My favorite is when you come home from work, you talk to your wife nonstop from the time you walk in the door until you go to bed, then as you are falling asleep, she says something to the effect of "We never talk enough."

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

Are ANY of you noticing a pattern here???

Ya.
The right answer is not always the right answer.
Women can post here too.

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

THE WORST TEST OF ALL...............PERIOD

W:She's pretty, what do you think honey???
or
W:WOW look at that girls ass, what do you think.
H:It's alright
W:I think it's fat and to big in those jeans.
H:Ya me too!!!
or
W:She does NOT look sexy in that outfit. There's nothing to it, what a hoochie.

yet your wife own at least three skirts or pairs of shorts MUCH shorter than the
girl she just had to make you look at.

 

[JOKER96BRAVO]

Got another one!!!

H: Hey baby...a few guys want me to go to a game with them on Saturday,
do we have any plans???

W: Well... I wanted to do something but I don't know what YET.
(I highlited this word because this is indicator telling you your hosed)

H: I'll just tell them I can't go

W: No you don't have to do that. You can go, I wont be mad.
(yeah right)

H: (change the plan....quick) Hey I got it. Let's go on a nice picnic instead?

 

[Zhukov]

-You'd look better not wearing anything

I dunno, that one works for me.

 

[Zhukov]

Somewhat related joke:


A woman hears about this fantastic place called "The Husband Store"

At this store there are six floors and, so she has heard, each successive floor up has better and better possible husbands.

So she goes to the store and walks into the lobby.

The door to the first floor showroom has a sign that says:

"On this floor are men who are good with children."

That's nice, she thinks, but I wonder whats on the next floor.

So she goes up to the second floor where the door to that showroom has a sign that says:

"On this floor are men who are good with children, and will help you do the dishes."

That's nice, but curiosity gets the best of her so she heads up to the third floor.

Here the sign on the door says:

"On this floor are men who are good with children, will help you do the dishes, and won't complain when you ask them to go shopping with you."

Again, she decides to go up another floor, and the sign on the fourth floor door says:

"On this floor are men who are good with children, will help you do the dishes, who won't complain when you ask them to go shopping with you, and are incredibly romantic."

Fifth floor:

"On this floor are men who are good with children, will help you do the dishes, who won't complain when you ask them to go shopping with you, who are incredibly romantic, and who are very handsome."

All this is nice, but she figures there is still one floor left so she decides to go on up to the top. On that door is a sign that says:

"You are visitor 6,128,403,102. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists only to prove than women are never satisfied."

 

[NATO AIR]