The totally tasteless joke thread

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"

Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."

So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.

The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."

To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
A guy goes jogging along the beach and comes across a woman with no arms or legs crying. So he stops and asks her, "Why are you crying?" She say's, "I've never been kissed before." So he picks her up, kisses her on the cheek, places her back down and continues jogging.

On his way back, he sees her again and again she is crying. So he stops and asks her, "Why are you crying now?" She replies, "I've never been fucked before." So he picks her up, throws her in the ocean and say's, "Now your fucked!"
 
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