The Starbucks Command (Fan-Fic!)

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  1. Abishai100
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    Abishai100 VIP Member

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    Here's a war-tale I wrote relevant to modernism anxieties which the Trump Administration may have to wrestle with, but hey, didn't Republican President George Bush, Jr. have to deal with 9/11?

    This tale is a fan-fic adaptation of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (Hasbro).



    ====

    General Hawk was the supreme leader of the patriotic paramilitary-crusaders known as G.I. Joes. Hawk and his army were contending with the super-terrorist organization Cobra, while Hawk was training his new prodigies Duke and Shipwreck to become his co-leaders. One day, Hawk discovered that he had to mobilize his army as swiftly as possible to deal with a new menace, a maniac-predator named Logan who also went by the Cobra alias 'Cobra Wolf.' Logan (aka 'Cobra Wolf') had inserted titanium blades in his hands which he used to rip apart anyone who stood in his way, and because he was a ravenous monster, Hawk could not hesitate.

    Cobra Wolf (Logan) had established an eerie fortress on an island off the coast of Japan and was performing genetic experiments on the wildlife and vegetation there, seeing how well organic life could survive with implanted metals. Logan wanted to see if he could design metallic implants for Cobra drones so they could be more lethal in their engagements with the G.I. Joes. Hawk got insider information regarding this 'island experiment initiative by Logan' from an anonymous source (which turned out to be the defecting Cobra ninja named 'Storm-Shadow') and decided to mobilize the Joes to storm the island. After the rout was over and Logan was arrested, Duke and Shipwreck conferenced with Hawk.

    DUKE: General Hawk, why did you have us storm the island with such fury?
    SHIPWRECK: People will think G.I. Joes are as crazy as those Cobra creeps!
    HAWK: Look, console yourselves with these Commando war-comics I keep; there's no time for doubt.

    DUKE: Excuse me if I don't wish to play Pittsburgh Penguins video games right now...
    SHIPWRECK: Yeah, what do I tell my kid who looks up to me?
    HAWK: Tell your kid your dad's a trained soldier who is required to do what is necessary to protect democracy.

    DUKE: People will martyrize Logan ('Cobra Wolf').
    SHIPWRECK: Ladies will write poems --- "The brutish Hawk hates the sensitive Logan and his fancy blades!"
    HAWK: Logan wanted to insert metals into field-terrorists so they could gash away at G.I. Joes...

    DUKE: Alright, maybe Logan was Satan, but should we fight fire with fire?
    SHIPWRECK: This is like the nuclear weaponry controversy during WWII (1939-1945)!
    HAWK: There's no controversy. The world needs to see America can defend the 'capitalism of Starbucks.'

    DUKE: Hey, I support President Trump like any other patriotic American, but is brute force really wise?
    SHIPWRECK: Besides, Logan was doomed to fall anyway...
    HAWK: Never underestimate a terrorist who wants to perform unnatural experiments with metals!

    DUKE: Maybe America is an 'evil empire,' General Hawk.
    SHIPWRECK: Isn't there a better way to endorse 'American might'?
    HAWK: Cobra resorts to torture, chemical warfare, terrorism, and deception; we have to retaliate...

    DUKE: War is hell.
    SHIPWRECK: This is what we signed up for...
    HAWK: Correct. I'm sure you'll find a way to find your personal conviction regarding defending our First Lady.

    DUKE: I should have had some Starbucks coffee this morning.
    SHIPWRECK: I'm taking my kid to Planet Hollywood for dinner this weekend!
    HAWK: Consumerism-America (e.g., Starbucks) seems 'shallow,' and patriots defend capitalism.

    ====


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