The Respectful marriage name change thread

[Gabriella84]

Because I didn't see the last one in time. And since I am fairly conservative about this issue, I see no reason to be confrontational.

When I get married on Aug. 6, I will take my husbands' last name. Because that is the traditional way it has always been done. I harbor no false pride about this issue. I will be proud and honored to change my last name. Just as my sister did, and my mom did before us.
The Bible states that, at marriage "you leave your father's house and cleave unto your husband." I plan to do this.

I can see the other side, though. When my cousin David married his wife, she was already a successful, well-known architect. She kept her maiden name, so everyone would know her. It had nothing to do with pride or family lineage. It was business. They are both conservative Christians, by the way.

 

[no1tovote4]

I can see the other side, though. When my cousin David married his wife, she was already a successful, well-known architect. She kept her maiden name, so everyone would know her. It had nothing to do with pride or family lineage. It was business. They are both conservative Christians, by the way.

As I said in the other thread. Unless she needed the name because of fame or success in a particular area, I expected her to join my family. If this were the case with my wife we likely would have different last names. However it is possible to keep the name for use in business and still change it legally otherwise.

Since this was not the case for my wife and I wanted to create one family not attempt to cobble together two of them with patchwork and sticky tape, I expected her to change her name.

If I had married an Hispanic girl I would expect her to hyphenate her name as it is what is cultrurally and traditionally done, but once again that was not the case.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

i think if a woman does not take his name because she thinks she will lose her identity or something, i actually think she doesn't feel the marriage will last.

i can see cultural reasons and professional reasons though.

my husband's cousin got married back in 01, and his now ex-wife, refused to take his last name because she said she wanted to be her own person. they divorced last year. seriously, any woman who objects for the sole purpose of that they think they will not be considered an individual person, says they are not fully ready to be married, or she doesn't have faith the marriage will last.

i ALMOST did not take my husbands name (Leonard) only because i thought it sounded wierd with my first name, Lea. I eventually got used to it after my then fiance said he would be hurt that i didn't want to share his name.

 

[Nienna]

I actually had 2 boyfriends who wanted me to change my first name to go with their last names! So I had no problem accepting my husband's last name!

Anyway, I went from a difficult maiden name to an easy married name. And I like the unity in the family of all having the same last name.

 

[no1tovote4]

I firmly believe that there is a reason that it is called a Family Name, that you are becoming a family and the unity question is important. Either we are a family or we are not, unless there is a valid reason for keeping the maiden name it would be a deal killer for me...

 

[archangel]

I firmly believe that there is a reason that it is called a Family Name, that you are becoming a family and the unity question is important. Either we are a family or we are not, unless there is a valid reason for keeping the maiden name it would be a deal killer for me...

It all boils down to ego on the husbands part...there is nothing wrong with a hyphen in the married name...did anyone ever think that the wife may be proud of her family name and does not want to be considered property...it has nothing to do with unity just ego on the males part...in days of old the wife was "given" to the husband...now days the wife chooses her husband...
I for one did not give away my daughters...they just married into another family....which became mine for good or bad...that being said I want my grandkids to carry my families name forward as well as the other families...enough said on ego vs fair play!

 

[Gabriella84]

Will you view me as submissive and subservient when I take my husband's last name? I see it as a privilege. It's not the name that really matters, it is the people involved. My dad when he had two daughters that his last name would eventually go by the wayside. BFD.
I am also looking forward to having my dad give me away. I am passing from his family to my family. My sister is one of the most independent people who ever lived. But she never considered not having my dad give her in marriage.
I have never considered a hyphenated name, or keeping my name. If I am marrying my husband, I want people to know that we are married. It doesn't make me "cattle." I am no one's possession. Our relationship has always been 50-50, and it always will be. Neither one of us makes arbitrary decisions about the other. No one makes the rules or "wears the pants" in our family. Taking his last name merely implies that "he" and "me" are now officially "us."

If I had married an Hispanic girl I would expect her to hyphenate her name as it is what is cultrurally and traditionally done, but once again that was not the case.

Where is this "traditionally done?" I have lived in a Hispanic neighborhood my entire life and have yet to meet one person with a hyphenated name.
My sister took her husband's last name, Chavez. Which makes her an Anglo female with blonde hair, blue eyes and a Hispanic name. No wonder she draws stares at the market where she lives.

 

[archangel]

Will you view me as submissive and subservient when I take my husband's last name? I see it as a privilege. It's not the name that really matters, it is the people involved. My dad when he had two daughters that his last name would eventually go by the wayside. BFD.
I am also looking forward to having my dad give me away. I am passing from his family to my family. My sister is one of the most independent people who ever lived. But she never considered not having my dad give her in marriage.
I have never considered a hyphenated name, or keeping my name. If I am marrying my husband, I want people to know that we are married. It doesn't make me "cattle." I am no one's possession. Our relationship has always been 50-50, and it always will be. Neither one of us makes arbitrary decisions about the other. No one makes the rules or "wears the pants" in our family. Taking his last name merely implies that "he" and "me" are now officially "us."



You are so phoney...I actually worked the Mexican border...I cannot count the names that were hypen'd....even first names in the Hispanic community wer hypen'd....some guys were even embarrassed when I teased them on their female addition to the surnames...go back to geography and culture 101....geeez...at least get your facts right!



Where is this "traditionally done?" I have lived in a Hispanic neighborhood my entire life and have yet to meet one person with a hyphenated name.
My sister took her husband's last name, Chavez. Which makes her an Anglo female with blonde hair, blue eyes and a Hispanic name. No wonder she draws stares at the market where she lives.

SEE MY ABOVE COMMENT.....................

 

[no1tovote4]

Where is this "traditionally done?" I have lived in a Hispanic neighborhood my entire life and have yet to meet one person with a hyphenated name.
My sister took her husband's last name, Chavez. Which makes her an Anglo female with blonde hair, blue eyes and a Hispanic name. No wonder she draws stares at the market where she lives.

It really depends on how traditional they are, and in some small bit when they migrated. However, it is done in Mexico regularly.

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art28746.asp

The first of the two hyphenated last names would be the mother's maiden name and the second last name would be the father's last name. When a man gets married his wife would adopt onto her last name the man's second last name or his father's last name. A woman would drop her mother's last name, keeping her father's last name and then add onto hers the second last name of her husband. This would tell you that the woman was born of the father's family and married into the husband's family. The children afterwords would then carry the last name combination like the wife, and so it goes. So to illustrate, when I was born I was named Rebecca Michelle Cutlip de Cuevas. I have since married and am now Rebecca Michelle Cuevas de Caissie. My boys will keep the last name in that order, my daughter will drop my last name in hers, keep her father's and add her husbands.

 

[archangel]

It really depends on how traditional they are, and in some small bit when they migrated. However, it is done in Mexico regularly.

bringing Gabby up to speed...some males have the name...Jose Marie Hernadez et al...lol!

 

[no1tovote4]

bringing Gabby up to speed...some males have the name...Jose Marie Hernadez et al...lol!

She must not live in a Hispanic neighborhood that has many immigrants. If she lives in one at all. There were many that adopted the US customs if they migrated long ago, however newer immigrants, both legal and illegal, tend to hold to the old traditions more strongly and hyphenate their names.

Recently we had an issue where an illegal immigrant shot a cop then ran to Mexico to escape sentencing laws in the US. His last name was Garcia-Gomez, which would tell you that his mother's father's name was Garcia, and his father's family name was Gomez. His father's last name would have been different, unless his mother's father's last name was also Garcia. It is more than likely his father's last name was Aguillera-Gomez than it was the same. It is this way that the father's name is carried on in families with only daughters if only for one generation.

 

[Gabriella84]

Is this something of a fairly recent generation. My aunt immigrated from Mexico in the 70s and took my uncle's last name.

 

[no1tovote4]

Is this something of a fairly recent generation. My aunt immigrated from Mexico in the 70s and took my uncle's last name.

Did you read the site? Did you learn something? The assumption of recent immigration being in the 70s is fine, but not how I would define it. Recent to me would mean closer to within the last 5-7 years.

Anyway, it is still a tradition in many of the families that I know and with several of the girlfriends from my past.

Shoot I have one friend who is hispanic whose last name is Blakey-Colburn as his family followed that tradition. He even speaks Spanish fluently, yet looks entirely European...

 

[Johnney]

Because I didn't see the last one in time. And since I am fairly conservative about this issue, I see no reason to be confrontational.

When I get married on Aug. 6,
I will take my husbands' last name. Because that is the traditional way it has always been done. I harbor no false pride about this issue. I will be proud and honored to change my last name. Just as my sister did, and my mom did before us.
The Bible states that, at marriage "you leave your father's house and cleave unto your husband." I plan to do this.

I can see the other side, though. When my cousin David married his wife, she was already a successful, well-known architect. She kept her maiden name, so everyone would know her. It had nothing to do with pride or family lineage. It was business. They are both conservative Christians, by the way.

hey Gabby... you really getting married on Aug. 6th?
must be a common day... thats when Jess and myself are getting married too.