The Respectful marriage name change thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Gabriella84, Jul 21, 2005.

  1. Gabriella84
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    Gabriella84 Guest

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    Because I didn't see the last one in time. And since I am fairly conservative about this issue, I see no reason to be confrontational.

    When I get married on Aug. 6, I will take my husbands' last name. Because that is the traditional way it has always been done. I harbor no false pride about this issue. I will be proud and honored to change my last name. Just as my sister did, and my mom did before us.
    The Bible states that, at marriage "you leave your father's house and cleave unto your husband." I plan to do this.

    I can see the other side, though. When my cousin David married his wife, she was already a successful, well-known architect. She kept her maiden name, so everyone would know her. It had nothing to do with pride or family lineage. It was business. They are both conservative Christians, by the way.
     
  2. no1tovote4
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    As I said in the other thread. Unless she needed the name because of fame or success in a particular area, I expected her to join my family. If this were the case with my wife we likely would have different last names. However it is possible to keep the name for use in business and still change it legally otherwise.

    Since this was not the case for my wife and I wanted to create one family not attempt to cobble together two of them with patchwork and sticky tape, I expected her to change her name.

    If I had married an Hispanic girl I would expect her to hyphenate her name as it is what is cultrurally and traditionally done, but once again that was not the case.
     
  3. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    i think if a woman does not take his name because she thinks she will lose her identity or something, i actually think she doesn't feel the marriage will last.

    i can see cultural reasons and professional reasons though.

    my husband's cousin got married back in 01, and his now ex-wife, refused to take his last name because she said she wanted to be her own person. :dunno: they divorced last year. seriously, any woman who objects for the sole purpose of that they think they will not be considered an individual person, says they are not fully ready to be married, or she doesn't have faith the marriage will last.

    i ALMOST did not take my husbands name (Leonard) only because i thought it sounded wierd with my first name, Lea. I eventually got used to it after my then fiance said he would be hurt that i didn't want to share his name.
     
  4. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    I actually had 2 boyfriends who wanted me to change my first name to go with their last names! :eek2: So I had no problem accepting my husband's last name!

    Anyway, I went from a difficult maiden name to an easy married name. And I like the unity in the family of all having the same last name.
     
  5. no1tovote4
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    I firmly believe that there is a reason that it is called a Family Name, that you are becoming a family and the unity question is important. Either we are a family or we are not, unless there is a valid reason for keeping the maiden name it would be a deal killer for me...
     
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  6. archangel
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    It all boils down to ego on the husbands part...there is nothing wrong with a hyphen in the married name...did anyone ever think that the wife may be proud of her family name and does not want to be considered property...it has nothing to do with unity just ego on the males part...in days of old the wife was "given" to the husband...now days the wife chooses her husband...
    I for one did not give away my daughters...they just married into another family....which became mine for good or bad...that being said I want my grandkids to carry my families name forward as well as the other families...enough said on ego vs fair play!
     
  7. Gabriella84
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    Gabriella84 Guest

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    Will you view me as submissive and subservient when I take my husband's last name? I see it as a privilege. It's not the name that really matters, it is the people involved. My dad when he had two daughters that his last name would eventually go by the wayside. BFD.
    I am also looking forward to having my dad give me away. I am passing from his family to my family. My sister is one of the most independent people who ever lived. But she never considered not having my dad give her in marriage.
    I have never considered a hyphenated name, or keeping my name. If I am marrying my husband, I want people to know that we are married. It doesn't make me "cattle." I am no one's possession. Our relationship has always been 50-50, and it always will be. Neither one of us makes arbitrary decisions about the other. No one makes the rules or "wears the pants" in our family. Taking his last name merely implies that "he" and "me" are now officially "us."

    Where is this "traditionally done?" I have lived in a Hispanic neighborhood my entire life and have yet to meet one person with a hyphenated name.
    My sister took her husband's last name, Chavez. Which makes her an Anglo female with blonde hair, blue eyes and a Hispanic name. No wonder she draws stares at the market where she lives. :wtf:
     
  8. archangel
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    SEE MY ABOVE COMMENT..................... :wtf:
     
  9. no1tovote4
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    It really depends on how traditional they are, and in some small bit when they migrated. However, it is done in Mexico regularly.

     
  10. archangel
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    bringing Gabby up to speed...some males have the name...Jose Marie Hernadez et al...lol!
     

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