The Reporters & The Marine

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Johnney, Jan 4, 2005.

  1. Johnney

    Johnney Senior Member

    Dec 9, 2003
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    Anchors Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter
    Cokie Roberts, along with a U.S. Marine assigned to
    protect them were hiking through the Iraq desert one
    day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied
    up, led to a village, and brought before the leader.
    The leader said, "I am familiar with your western
    custom of granting the condemned a last wish; so,
    before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last

    Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one
    last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to
    an underling who left and returned with the chili.
    Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

    Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to
    hear the song 'O Canada' one last time." The leader
    nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western
    world and knew the music. He returned with some
    rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Jennings
    sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

    Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want
    to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene
    here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone
    will hear it and know that I was on the job till the
    end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the
    tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She
    then said, "Now I can die happy."

    The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine,
    what is your final wish?"
    "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked
    the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No,
    I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,"
    insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the
    open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went
    sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm
    pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader
    dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his
    knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the
    Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were
    either dead or fleeing for their lives.

    As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and
    Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot
    them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

    "What," replied the Marine, "and have you three
    assholes call me the aggressor?"

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