George Costanza
A Friendly Liberal
Only pirate joke I know - but it's a beauty:
Guy goes into a bar and sits down. After his eyes get used to the dark, he spots an honest to God pirate sitting down at the other end of the bar. This guy's got it all - the hat, the patch over the eye, the hook where the right hand used to be, the peg leg, the colorful clothing, the parrot on the shoulder, the whole nine yards.
After a couple of belts, the guy gets his courage up and moves over, next to the pirate.
"Excuse me, sir - you're a PIRATE, aren't you?"
"ARRRRRGGHHHH!"
"I thought so. Golly, I've never met a real life pirate before. Could I buy you a drink?"
"ARRRRRGGHHHH! - RUM, Laddie!"
Guy orders up a rum. Pirate tosses it off in one gulp. Guy buys another.
"Say, would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"
"ARRRRRGGHHHH!"
"OK - I noticed you have a peg leg. How did you lose your leg?"
"Ship pinched me leg off 'gainst a wharf in the Antilles!"
"My God! How terrible. And I also noticed you have a hook where your right hand should be. How did you lose your right hand?"
"Sword fight in the Caribbean!"
"Boy, that must have hurt. And that patch over your right eye. How did you lose your eye?"
"Seagull SHIT in me eye off the coast o' Spain!"
Guy thinks for a minute and then says, "Hmmm . . . seagull shit isn't that caustic. How could that cause you to lose your eye."
The pirate turns to the guy, squints at him real hard with his one, good eye and says: "I'd only 'ad me 'ook a coupla days at the time!"
(Give everyone a few seconds to form the mental image necessary for that one. Then brace for the laughter.)
Guy goes into a bar and sits down. After his eyes get used to the dark, he spots an honest to God pirate sitting down at the other end of the bar. This guy's got it all - the hat, the patch over the eye, the hook where the right hand used to be, the peg leg, the colorful clothing, the parrot on the shoulder, the whole nine yards.
After a couple of belts, the guy gets his courage up and moves over, next to the pirate.
"Excuse me, sir - you're a PIRATE, aren't you?"
"ARRRRRGGHHHH!"
"I thought so. Golly, I've never met a real life pirate before. Could I buy you a drink?"
"ARRRRRGGHHHH! - RUM, Laddie!"
Guy orders up a rum. Pirate tosses it off in one gulp. Guy buys another.
"Say, would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"
"ARRRRRGGHHHH!"
"OK - I noticed you have a peg leg. How did you lose your leg?"
"Ship pinched me leg off 'gainst a wharf in the Antilles!"
"My God! How terrible. And I also noticed you have a hook where your right hand should be. How did you lose your right hand?"
"Sword fight in the Caribbean!"
"Boy, that must have hurt. And that patch over your right eye. How did you lose your eye?"
"Seagull SHIT in me eye off the coast o' Spain!"
Guy thinks for a minute and then says, "Hmmm . . . seagull shit isn't that caustic. How could that cause you to lose your eye."
The pirate turns to the guy, squints at him real hard with his one, good eye and says: "I'd only 'ad me 'ook a coupla days at the time!"
(Give everyone a few seconds to form the mental image necessary for that one. Then brace for the laughter.)
