The mindset of the typical message board poster

[syrenn]

There are rules on this forum?

yes, there are.


Some just dont understand them.

 

[Si modo]

Poor JTF. This doesn't seem to be going the way he would like it to go.

 

[Toro]

Crap, it didn't take long for Connie to be banned again.

 

[emilynghiem]

Dear JTF: In general, and I mean in all relations/communications with people EVERYWHERE, people are in various stages of social development and recovery from "past crap". There are 5 stages identified in grieving/recovery, ranging from "denial/projection" to anger, depression, bargaining (where these stages may occur out of order and drag out or skip and come out later after repression).

The problem is people interact in these phases WITHOUT awareness they and others are projecting their emotions onto their perceptions and onto each other. And that is what you see HERE and in all other forums, and in politics and religion in general, in the media, in personal relations, etc. etc. People are projecting their crap while learning to sort it out what is their part they can do something about, and what crap belongs to someone else!

Even if you are AWARE people are going through this process, it is STILL difficult to manage.

My best advice is to be forgiving and aware of people's pains and fears, including and ESPECIALLY "denial and projection", while attempting to correct your own issues and help others to do the same. Forgiveness and correction are MUTUAL and do not exclude or negate each other, but go hand and hand for more successful interactions and results.

The more forgiving and corrective you are with yourself and others, you inspire others to open up and try to understand the other person's fears and background; and you make for safer environments in the longrun. In the meantime, unfortunately, there is a lot of old stuff from the past being hashed out, and thrown around even if it hits the wrong person in the face, mostly by blaming "generalizations" on other groups or people as targets who "represent" that problem or issue to someone; it is part of the healing process, to verbalize and get these issues out in the open as the first step, before they can be sorted out, resolved and corrected. So people will make comments that express this, and whoever happens to trigger that painful memory or perception may get it smack in their face.

This is part of being human, and interacting in a socially and spiritually connected pool of humanity with others who are different from us, yet suffer much of the same things without always knowing how common our pain and suffering is, as well as our compassion and wisdom we stand to gain and to share from our experiences on this planet together.

We are like kids, adults, babies and elders thrown together in a huge learning environment, without instructions on how to organize everyone into focus groups or classes based on skills and stages of development, where the playground gets overrun by bullies and it takes time to sort out and separate who works best with which people and which groups to make the most of our skills, experience and talents, instead of wasting them fighting with each other.

I'm sorry if you have had negative or discouraging experiences online.

I hope you see this as an opportunity to reach out and grow while helping others to reach beyond themselves, to be a bigger person and to learn and share as much as possible while going through this wild and wonderful learning curve.

I feel we are LUCKY to have a free internet to be able to communicate and share both locally and globally on such an accelerated level, so that the learning goes faster and we can progress as a society even more than before, based on sharing from experience.

So even with the downside that come with the upside, this is still a good thing, and a blessing to be able to share openly and freely this way, to overcome past issues, even if it comes out negative at first, with people bashing or being abusive while learning how it works. The world is like one huge group therapy session, and yes, there is going to be some grief and anger expressed as one of the early stages, that's just what it takes people to grow.

Take care and again I hope you see more benefit and progress in all this,
and even learn to appreciate the negative stuff as necessary stages in order to heal of the past issues and burdens people carry around until they learn how to work it out.

Thanks for sharing honestly and please make the most of all forums you can,
from backpage to craigslist, because each person you connect with, on even one thought or idea you agree on or learn from, help the whole world to move forward toward peace and order among all the chaos going on. Please don't give up but be glad for all these things, the good with the bad, that are all helpful parts of a bigger process of humanity seeking spiritual development to maturity. Peace to you in 2013~ Yours truly, Emily

Started in this forum to , hopefully preclude pointing fingers at any specific posters. As that is not my intent with this thread.

Rather, I wish to discuss ( or debate, because in this context they mean the same thing) whether the bickering, arguing, lying, deceitfulness, denial, and just outright dishonest we see on message boards is a microcosm of real life, or if rather it is merely a product of the anonymity provided by message boards.

In either case, my next question is why do people feel the need to resort to such tactics to win what is essentially pointless debate?

I think it's a mixture of the two myself. I think people ARE that big of assholes in real life, but know that if they behaved to the extremes that they behave on anonymous message boards someone would put their dick in the dirt.

Next question. Has this forum affected the manner in which you debate elsewhere on this board, or others. Meaning do you follow the different rules set forth in this forum in other forums or do you adjust to fit the other forums and boards as well or do you just avoid other forums and boards altogether, or at least try to?

 

[Connery]

My ideas are the same whether on a forum or in RL. My language, however, is quite different. Depending on who the audience/participant is I am more like a longshoreman as I think cursing is an art that a means of communication. You can take the kid out of The Bronx, but, you cannot take The Bronx out of the kid.

Also, the rules of the board I am on sets the parameters for which terms I will use in a discussion.

Usually when I see a discussion deteriorate into personal attacks I move on unless the attacker is providing a measure of entertainment by melting down, then I jab a bit, OK so I am a mean person I still laugh.

 

[syrenn]

Crap, it didn't take long for Connie to be banned again.

maybe he needs message board Viagra.... it may help keep him up longer!!!

bless his obsessed heart... he loves us and just cant get enough. He was better this time round.... and tried to hide his more obvious tells.

 

[syrenn]

My ideas are the same whether on a forum or in RL. My language, however, is quite different. Depending on who the audience/participant is I am more like a longshoreman as I think cursing is an art that a means of communication. You can take the kid out of The Bronx, but, you cannot take The Bronx out of the kid.

Also, the rules of the board I am on sets the parameters for which terms I will use in a discussion.

Usually when I see a discussion deteriorate into personal attacks I move on unless the attacker is providing a measure of entertainment by melting down, then I jab a bit, OK so I am a mean person I still laugh.

there is more to the op then... just the op.

its a read between the lines post....

his whole OP is a personal attack wrapped up and protected by the cdz.....

 

[saveliberty]

Don't know much about trolls. Except that they seem to really crave any form of attention. Isn't that why that take such outlandish positions at times? Just to get the attention.

I have heard that some may be paid trolls. Think there's any truth to that?

Check's in the mail dude.

 

[Politico]

Started in this forum to , hopefully preclude pointing fingers at any specific posters. As that is not my intent with this thread.

Rather, I wish to discuss ( or debate, because in this context they mean the same thing) whether the bickering, arguing, lying, deceitfulness, denial, and just outright dishonest we see on message boards is a microcosm of real life, or if rather it is merely a product of the anonymity provided by message boards.

In either case, my next question is why do people feel the need to resort to such tactics to win what is essentially pointless debate?

I think it's a mixture of the two myself. I think people ARE that big of assholes in real life, but know that if they behaved to the extremes that they behave on anonymous message boards someone would put their dick in the dirt.

Next question. Has this forum affected the manner in which you debate elsewhere on this board, or others. Meaning do you follow the different rules set forth in this forum in other forums or do you adjust to fit the other forums and boards as well or do you just avoid other forums and boards altogether, or at least try to?

You do realize most people on the internet aren't even who they say they are right? People get brave in their basements when no one knows who they are. They can say things that would get their ticket punched in real life. People are dishonest scum when given the oppotunity. Always have been always will be. So don't waste your time trying to analyze it.

 

[emilynghiem]

P.S. here is a quote from MLK Jr that sums up where things go wrong with people:

"Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated." - 1958

(please see Center for Healing of Racism http://www.centerhealingracism.org
and Guidelines for Sharing http://www.houstonprogressive.org
which facilitates free dialogue so people can heal of past injuries and memories related to bigotry and racism, instead of multiplying suffering by making even more "generalizations")

The internet allows people to overcome this separation, but in the meantime, people still project their fear and use that to create barrier walls to defend their territorial space.

Until people's wounds are ready to heal, they create thick "scabs" to block and shield these wounds from exposure, but sometimes instead of this serving as protection the wound gets infected inside and the coverings block that even more from healing, so it festers and rots.

The more painful the wound, the more people yell when you get anywhere close to touching it. So that is how some people are when it comes to their personal, political or religious issues; they yell how painful the problems are but are scared when it comes to cleaning out the wounds so they can be healed and quit causing such painful suffering.

(the way a friend of mine describes this is FEAR --> causing STRESS --> causing ANXIETY. I call it (1) fear of the unknown --> causing (2) fear of change or loss of control to outside authority/forces --> causing (3) fear of conflict and confrontation with others. Either way, the "fear of fear" creates a vicious cycle that feeds on itself. They way to break this cycle is by forgiveness and understanding, where "perfect love casts out all fear" because the light of knowledge and understanding outshines the darkness of ignorance, distrust, and fear of the unknown which is the root of all the other fears and stresses that cause division and strife in human relations and interactions)

 

[syrenn]

Started in this forum to , hopefully preclude pointing fingers at any specific posters. As that is not my intent with this thread.

Rather, I wish to discuss ( or debate, because in this context they mean the same thing) whether the bickering, arguing, lying, deceitfulness, denial, and just outright dishonest we see on message boards is a microcosm of real life, or if rather it is merely a product of the anonymity provided by message boards.

In either case, my next question is why do people feel the need to resort to such tactics to win what is essentially pointless debate?

I think it's a mixture of the two myself. I think people ARE that big of assholes in real life, but know that if they behaved to the extremes that they behave on anonymous message boards someone would put their dick in the dirt.

Next question. Has this forum affected the manner in which you debate elsewhere on this board, or others. Meaning do you follow the different rules set forth in this forum in other forums or do you adjust to fit the other forums and boards as well or do you just avoid other forums and boards altogether, or at least try to?

You do realize most people on the internet aren't even who they say they are right? People get brave in their basements when no one knows who they are. They can say things that would get their ticket punched in real life. People are dishonest scum when given the oppotunity. Always have been always will be. So don't waste your time trying to analyze it.

you do realize that his post is mostly a self portrait dont you?

 

[Underhill]

I think in many ways a message board is a perfect expression of the inner thoughts.

In the real world, most people cannot say what they think for fear of the response they may get. So when I look at these forums I see people coming out of their closet.

This isn't true for everyone. And many will have the same opinions here as there. But they will certainly express them differently in a place with no consequences.

 

[emilynghiem]

Dear Politico: As long as you are honest/transparent, then you will have a clear conscience to see through the biases and denials of others. Recognition is the first step. After that, if you are able to connect with such people, there is a chance to get them to come out and quit hiding behind their walls. When they feel safe enough not to need this layer of protection, people will respond as honestly to you as you are honest with them. it is our natural human state to desire connection on this level, like children do before being jaded and taught to cover themselves; so the process we are in is how to get back to nature and not keep hiding behind and playing these material games to outcompete and bully others.
None of that would be necessary if we made it safe to be ourselves and say what we really are and feel without fear of censure by opposing views or critics. We need to make it safe, and then more and more people will come out, intead of hiding behind the internet....

Started in this forum to , hopefully preclude pointing fingers at any specific posters. As that is not my intent with this thread.

Rather, I wish to discuss ( or debate, because in this context they mean the same thing) whether the bickering, arguing, lying, deceitfulness, denial, and just outright dishonest we see on message boards is a microcosm of real life, or if rather it is merely a product of the anonymity provided by message boards.

In either case, my next question is why do people feel the need to resort to such tactics to win what is essentially pointless debate?

I think it's a mixture of the two myself. I think people ARE that big of assholes in real life, but know that if they behaved to the extremes that they behave on anonymous message boards someone would put their dick in the dirt.

Next question. Has this forum affected the manner in which you debate elsewhere on this board, or others. Meaning do you follow the different rules set forth in this forum in other forums or do you adjust to fit the other forums and boards as well or do you just avoid other forums and boards altogether, or at least try to?

You do realize most people on the internet aren't even who they say they are right? People get brave in their basements when no one knows who they are. They can say things that would get their ticket punched in real life. People are dishonest scum when given the oppotunity. Always have been always will be. So don't waste your time trying to analyze it.

 

[saveliberty]

I think in many ways a message board is a perfect expression of the inner thoughts.

In the real world, most people cannot say what they think for fear of the response they may get. So when I look at these forums I see people coming out of their closet.

This isn't true for everyone. And many will have the same opinions here as there. But they will certainly express them differently in a place with no consequences.

Sounds like you mean a blog. Unless you have a modified IP address...

 

[syrenn]

I think in many ways a message board is a perfect expression of the inner thoughts.

In the real world, most people cannot say what they think for fear of the response they may get. So when I look at these forums I see people coming out of their closet.

This isn't true for everyone. And many will have the same opinions here as there. But they will certainly express them differently in a place with no consequences.

In a way... yes it is. It gives people the ability to let their inner selves shine through.

 

[emilynghiem]

I think in many ways a message board is a perfect expression of the inner thoughts.

In the real world, most people cannot say what they think for fear of the response they may get. So when I look at these forums I see people coming out of their closet.

This isn't true for everyone. And many will have the same opinions here as there. But they will certainly express them differently in a place with no consequences.

I agree. My hope is that if people can learn to be open and direct here, it is practice for having that same freedom in all relations.

What fascinates me is where people REALLY believe or think one thing consciously, but unconsciously there is "cognitive dissonance" being suppressed, so at some point, that conflict needs to be resolved. Otherwise there is a proverbial "pea underneath the mattress" where the conscience is not perfectly at peace. And either people continue to stack mattresses on top of this pea, trying to flatten it out and suppress it, or go through the trouble to dig it out underneath all the justifications stacked on top of it. That's the real challenge is awareness of having to change something that isn't convenient, and the impact that has on all other relations and communications when people are that committed to truth.

 

[emilynghiem]

you do realize that his post is mostly a self portrait dont you? [/COLOR]

If so, this is the perfect place to work out and come to terms with this very issue -
of denial and projection. That's even better. Perfect!


* When you realize the process is MUTUAL, and that you are doing it too, that is the first AHA - that the part you can do something
about is your responsibility and your half of the problem (instead of projecting it onto others).

When you realize your willingness to change is connected with and can influence the equivalent change in the other person in the conflict, that is the second AHA - that you can change others by changing your perception and commitment first (instead of feeling hopeless and believing things outside yourself need to change first before you can, when it's simultaneous).

And when you realize whatever changes there is connected with all other relations and humanity, and has a collective effect
like a chain reaction, where the change is simultaneous/correlated over time and space (not limited by linear perception of time) that is the final AHA - that changes happens in tandem, connecting individiual and collective experience as one in the same process.
(also called interconnectedness or oneness with all humanity and all creation in process of restoring natural harmony as a whole)

 

[daveman]

I think in many ways a message board is a perfect expression of the inner thoughts.

In the real world, most people cannot say what they think for fear of the response they may get. So when I look at these forums I see people coming out of their closet.

This isn't true for everyone. And many will have the same opinions here as there. But they will certainly express them differently in a place with no consequences.

 

[Politico]

I think in many ways a message board is a perfect expression of the inner thoughts.

In the real world, most people cannot say what they think for fear of the response they may get. So when I look at these forums I see people coming out of their closet.

This isn't true for everyone. And many will have the same opinions here as there. But they will certainly express them differently in a place with no consequences.

In a way... yes it is. It gives people the ability to let their inner selves shine through.

So it is true. 3 out of 4 peeople really are nuts.

 

[Connery]

My ideas are the same whether on a forum or in RL. My language, however, is quite different. Depending on who the audience/participant is I am more like a longshoreman as I think cursing is an art that a means of communication. You can take the kid out of The Bronx, but, you cannot take The Bronx out of the kid.

Also, the rules of the board I am on sets the parameters for which terms I will use in a discussion.

Usually when I see a discussion deteriorate into personal attacks I move on unless the attacker is providing a measure of entertainment by melting down, then I jab a bit, OK so I am a mean person I still laugh.

there is more to the op then... just the op.

its a read between the lines post....

his whole OP is a personal attack wrapped up and protected by the cdz.....

The author of the OP was before my time. I was thinking out loud. I am not really different in RL than I am here. There are some people on a forum that are fun to ply with though and that is a bonus when coming to a place like this. We all have a skill set and frame of reference that is either appreciated or rejected.