The Liberal Manifesto

[miketx]

 

[Sunni Man]

You might be a liberal if . . .

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.
You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

You've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

You pray to "The Woman Upstairs."

You think we never gave peace a chance.

You had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words

You begin sentences with the words "I feel."

Your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough.

You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense.

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers.

You think Julia Sugarbaker is an astute social commentator.

You think it takes a village.

You think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

You ever wore earth shoes.

You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?"

You think the New York Times prints all the news that's fit.

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

You blame the Unabomber's parents.

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon.

You have always agreed with Alec Baldwin or Rosie O'Donnell.

You are very intolerant of people who don't agree with your ideas of what constitutes tolerance.

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

Easy observation.
When Liberals do everything their way the create a ghetto and bankrupt the government.

 

[SaxxyBlues]

It's ironic that a FOX Noise-parroting Repugnican like you would oppose health care reform because it would get you the Prozac you so desperately need.

Classic libstain, knows all about someone they have never met.

It's ironic that a FOX Noise-parroting Repugnican like you would oppose health care reform because it would get you the Prozac you so desperately need.

Classic libstain, knows all about someone they have never met.

You posted first there cuckservative.

Right, one post means you know my whole life history! lol. troll.

It's ironic that a FOX Noise-parroting Repugnican like you would oppose health care reform because it would get you the Prozac you so desperately need.

Classic libstain, knows all about someone they have never met.

It's ironic that a FOX Noise-parroting Repugnican like you would oppose health care reform because it would get you the Prozac you so desperately need.

Classic libstain, knows all about someone they have never met.

You posted first there cuckservative.

Right, one post means you know my whole life history! lol. troll.

WOW Mike taking it all personal and stuff lol

 

[SaxxyBlues]

You might be a liberal if . . .

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.
You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

You've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

You pray to "The Woman Upstairs."

You think we never gave peace a chance.

You had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words

You begin sentences with the words "I feel."

Your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough.

You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense.

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers.

You think Julia Sugarbaker is an astute social commentator.

You think it takes a village.

You think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

You ever wore earth shoes.

You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?"

You think the New York Times prints all the news that's fit.

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

You blame the Unabomber's parents.

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon.

You have always agreed with Alec Baldwin or Rosie O'Donnell.

You are very intolerant of people who don't agree with your ideas of what constitutes tolerance.

Did they teach you how to be a ranting, beer-swilling ignoramus in the fascist reeducation camp?

 

[Sunni Man]

Did they teach you how to be a ranting, beer-swilling ignoramus in the fascist reeducation camp?

Where is the camp located?

I want to attend. ....

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

Liberal economics is very easy to understand.
Your paycheck is my paycheck.

 

[SaxxyBlues]

You could have made the list much simpler.

Being a liberal means:

1. We need higher taxes. You can never have enough.
2. More social government programs. You can never have enough
3. Individual rights, but only when it comes to abortion, drugs, and being in the country illegally.

There, was that so hard?

Hey, you Ponzi-scheming neocon-artist, you blame liberals for everything, but did it occur there might be another reason for your erectile dysfunction?

 

[SaxxyBlues]

You could have made the list much simpler.

Being a liberal means:

1. We need higher taxes. You can never have enough.
2. More social government programs. You can never have enough
3. Individual rights, but only when it comes to abortion, drugs, and being in the country illegally.

There, was that so hard?

Hey, you Ponzi-scheming neocon-artist, you blame liberals for everything, but did it occur there might be another reason for your erectile dysfunction?

Know what: I have only one thing to say to a pro-life wacktivist like you: May the fetus you save be gay

 

[Crepitus]

Being a liberal means never having a grip on reality. ..... ...

I'd rather scoop my eyes out with a melon baller than read your dumbass blog, you pajama-clad, basement-dwelling cyber jihadist.

Being a liberal means being tolerant of other religious beliefs, like being a Muslim

You left that one out, didn't you?

We don't have to be tolerant of people actively trying to harm.the United States.

What is being tolerant? Is that shouting you down at Liberal universities or just banning conservatives to even speak there in public?

Or maybe it is liberal social sites like Facebook and Youtube that delete conservative dialogue.

Please help me here.

Nice goal post move there pal.

 

[Sunni Man]

The end goal of liberalism. .....

(dress alike, think alike, and everyone shares the misery equally)

 

[hjmick]

The end goal of liberalism. .....

(dress alike, think alike, and everyone shares the misery equally)

Still, they're cousins,
Identical cousins and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike...

 

[SaxxyBlues]

The end goal of liberalism. .....

(dress alike, think alike, and everyone shares the misery equally)

Are you auditioning to be a FOX News host, or do you just enjoy being a witless, sheet-wearing xenophobe?

 

[SaxxyBlues]

The end goal of liberalism. .....

(dress alike, think alike, and everyone shares the misery equally)

Still, they're cousins,
Identical cousins and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike...

You are a bitter, mullet-wearing halfwit who is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot

 

[Sunni Man]

^^^^^^^^ Liberal tolerance on display. ...

 

[SaxxyBlues]

The Liberal Manifesto

Conservative Insult Generator - Funny Insults Generator

The Liberal Manifesto: Book Excerpt

From Chapter 1: "What It Means To Be A Liberal" in How to Win a Fight with a Conservative
Liberals believe that fighting for social justice, equal rights, a social safety net, and economic justice for the 99% is for the common good, and not part of a socialist plot.

Liberals believe that clean air, clean water, access to education, and universal health care are basic human rights, not privileges—and seriously not part of a socialist plot.

Liberals believe in getting their news from Jon Stewart and their comedy from Fox News.

Liberals refuse to believe that corporations are people until Texas executes one.

Liberals believe in two simple things that will save the economy: gay bridal registries and taxing legalized marijuana.

Liberals believe in separating church and hate and doing what Jesus would actually do, instead of lobbying for more tax cuts that benefit the wealthy, while stripping food stamps away from the poor.

Liberals believe that just because you’re rich, you’re not a “job creator,” particularly if your name is Snooki, and especially if you’re a soulless CEO who has just laid off his entire U.S. workforce because he found a Chinese sweatshop that can do the work on the cheap. That makes you a “job exporter,” and a douche bag.

Liberals believe in the supremacy of science, facts, and reason-based thought, and that if global warming and evolution are theories, then so are gravity and NASCAR.

Liberals believe in offering conservatives a concession: don’t pray in our schools, and we won’t think in your churches.

Liberals believe there is no bigger government than the one that listens to your phone calls for your own protection, wants to put itself in charge of every single pregnancy, censors your textbooks, arrests and detains you indefinitely without charge, or attempts to dictate who you can marry.

Liberals believe the best way to fight terror is to hunt down and kill the terrorists that actually attacked you. Mission accomplished! You’re welcome!

Liberals believe that supporting our troops doesn’t just mean wearing American-flag underwear; it means not sending soldiers off to fight phony wars in the first place, and not voting people into office who plan to slash veterans’ benefits to spite the other party. (Republicans, we’re looking at you.)

Liberals believe that no banks are too big to fail, too big to be held to stricter financial regulations, or too big to have the people running them thrown in jail for ripping America off.

Liberals believe that deep-pocketed special interests shouldn’t be allowed to spend unlimited money to buy off politicians and game our elections because when private power becomes stronger than the state itself, that’s what Franklin Roosevelt once called the essence of fascism. Or as Republicans call it, a fund-raiser.

And more than anything else, liberals believe that it’s time to come together as a country, restore sanity, and refuse to be held hostage by a merry band of right-wing faux patriots who stand for blocking or repealing all of the above and turning American into a corpo-fascist idiocracy that’s for sale to the highest bidder.

Mod Edit -- SaxxyBlues Next time you pull that much copyrighted info from any source, you need a link that identifies where it comes from. If the one I provided is NOT accurate -- PM me with a correction --- flacaltenn

 

[DGS49]

Ironically, today's "liberals" (a) have co-opted and nullified the meaning of the word, "liberal," (b) object to being called, "Liberals," and are constantly looking for an alternative label that is not the butt of many jokes (e.g., "Progressive"), and (c) are actually illiberal and anti-progressive.

But I digress. Sunni Man did a good summary above, but I will add:

Liberals disdain and deny the essence of the Constitution with respect to the "social safety net," which is, in essence, the Federal Government has no role in providing a "social safety net." It is entirely up to, "...the States respectively, or to the people."

Liberals desire a large, generous, compassionate "government," funded by taxes paid by SOMEONE ELSE. They feel no obligation to DO anything for the poor, the homeless, the hungry, the sick, etc., because they have delegated those human responsibilities to SOMEONE ELSE, through that Government that SOMEONE ELSE is paying for. They believe that THEY are being compassionate and loving simply by advocating Government policies that purport to help the poor, sick, homeless, etc. They are unbowed by mountains of research showing that the Government does a horrible job of seeing to the needs of the poor [etc], because in their minds the Government is the only institution of taking care of them.

They fervently believe that high earners who pay essentially all of the taxes in this country are being "greedy" when they object to paying for their unconstitutional, largely worthless programs.

They believe that Government is the best provider of human needs, especially education..."It takes a Village," and all that. And by "education" they do not mean "the three R's." They mean educating the populace on social behavior, sexual behavior, "morals," and "social responsibility." Whether the individual families and parents agree with what is being taught or not. Government knows best.

I could go on, but you get the idea. Reality is not a major factor in Liberal thinking.

 

[Votto]

You might be a liberal if:

1. You hate the color Orange.
2. You stay awake nights trying to scratch off "In God we Trust" on your money
3. You hate the idea of a border wall but then drive home to your gated community
4. You hate evil corporations going over seas to give away jobs but bend over backwards allowing illegals to immigrate to the US and obtain jobs.
5. You agree with the government fining people for destroying the eggs of endangered birds, like the bald eagle, but want tax payers to pay for the systematic destruction of unborn children all across the US.
6. You think raising taxes on fossil fuels will solve the global warming issue. In fact, taxation will solve all our problems.
7. You think Barak Obama really deserved that Nobel Peace Prize, but not Trump, even if Trump finds peace with North Korea and does not start a war like the one Obama started in Libya.
8. You think every politician that is not a Dim is illegitimate and needs to be either shot at a charity baseball game or impeached.
9. You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except when it comes to a free market.
10. You want America to become less bigoted, which means you want dark skinned immigrants to eventually outnumber white devils.

 

[SaxxyBlues]

Kurtzman, Daniel - How to win a fight with a conservative/by Daniel Kurtzman. Chapter 2 pages 24-27

The Conservative Manifesto Conservatives believe in tax favors for the rich, tax hikes on the poor, dumb kids, smart bombs, and that what’s good for Wal-Mart and Exxon Mobil is good for America. Conservatives believe in wrapping themselves in the Confederate flag, burning the social safety net so it pollutes the air, and repealing the entire twentieth century. Conservatives believe in government of, by, and for the wealthiest 1% and that if the 99% don’t like that, they can buy off their own politicians or go suck it. Conservatives believe in serving tea steeped in prejudice, fear, anger, bitterness, paranoia, intolerance, jingoism, cynicism, hypocrisy, and selfishness, and calling it a party. Conservatives believe pizza is a vegetable, pepper spray is a food product, mustard gas is a condiment, and bamboo under the fingernails is a manicure. Conservatives believe in “clean” coal befouling spacious skies, amber waves of abstinent teens, and purple mountains of middle-class debt. Conservatives believe that public education is just another entitlement that needs to be cut. Conservatives believe in tightening eligibility for unemployment benefits, welfare, and food stamps, while loosening gun control laws, because what we really need are more desperate, jobless people with access to guns. Conservatives believe corporations are people, all rich people are automatically “job creators,” women who use contraception are sluts, the gay can be prayed away, poor people deserve to be poor because it’s their own damn fault, the Girl Scouts have a secret lesbian agenda, global warming is a hoax, the Bible trumps the Constitution, Donald Trump trumps the Bible, Fox News is actually “fair and balanced,” the U.S. president is a Muslim sleeper agent from Kenya, and conservatives are the ones who understand the “real world.” Conservatives believe John Boehner’s tears will trickle down and stimulate the economy. Conservatives believe that if historical reality doesn’t fit your preferred narrative, you simply edit Wikipedia to suit your propagandistic needs. Conservatives believe in cutting social services while giving multi-million-dollar tax subsidies to Bible-themed amusement parks, because it’s more important to take your child to see Jesus ride an animatronics dinosaur than to be able to treat her Type 1 diabetes. Conservatives believe in shipping jobs overseas—except for CEOs, lobbyists, Starbucks baristas, and their own illegal nannies. Conservatives believe in weapons of mass deception, bought elections, and pharmaceutical erections. Conservatives believe they’ve just seen an apparition of the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich and a vision of Jesus in Herman Cain’s pizza. Conservatives believe America was a better place when there were Hummers on the street, Bushes in office, Jack Bauer in prime time, prayer in schools, abortions in back alleys, gays in the closet, segregation on buses, and only white male property owners could vote. Conservatives believe in proclaiming themselves pro-life until you pass through the birth canal, at which point they become pro-“go screw yourself,” and couldn’t care less if you don’t have health insurance, can’t feed your family, or get executed for a crime you didn’t commit. Conservatives believe in proclaiming that they steadfastly and unflinchingly support our troops, as long as they’re not gay. Conservatives believe that abstinence-only education has worked so well for their pregnant unwed teenage daughters that it should be replicated all across the nation. Conservatives believe that anything liberals believe must necessarily be false, which is why they believe that low-flow toilets and energy efficient light bulbs pose a bigger threat to our way of life than melting ice caps. Conservatives believe in stoking fears about government death panels, and then cheering the idea of letting uninsured patients die, because they clearly have no idea what irony means. Conservatives believe in railing against the estate tax, even if they’re living in trailers. Conservatives believe in the kind of ass-backward logic that says even though 9/11 happened under George W. Bush’s watch, it was Bill Clinton’s fault, and even though Barack Obama was the one who ordered Osama bin Laden killed, Bush deserves the credit. Conservatives believe that electrified fences and Taser guns should be considered comprehensive immigration reform. Conservatives believe in abolishing the Department of Education and cutting school funding because it’s a known fact that uneducated simpletons are more likely to grow up and vote Republican. And more than anything else, conservatives believe that no matter how big an economic calamity you create, how big a hole you blow through the deficit, how badly you botch wars, or how drunk you were on trickled-down Kool-Aid when you drove the country into a ditch, everything is still Obama’s fault.

 

[Votto]

Kurtzman, Daniel - How to win a fight with a conservative/by Daniel Kurtzman. Chapter 2 pages 24-27

The Conservative Manifesto Conservatives believe in tax favors for the rich, tax hikes on the poor, dumb kids, smart bombs, and that what’s good for Wal-Mart and Exxon Mobil is good for America. Conservatives believe in wrapping themselves in the Confederate flag, burning the social safety net so it pollutes the air, and repealing the entire twentieth century. Conservatives believe in government of, by, and for the wealthiest 1% and that if the 99% don’t like that, they can buy off their own politicians or go suck it. Conservatives believe in serving tea steeped in prejudice, fear, anger, bitterness, paranoia, intolerance, jingoism, cynicism, hypocrisy, and selfishness, and calling it a party. Conservatives believe pizza is a vegetable, pepper spray is a food product, mustard gas is a condiment, and bamboo under the fingernails is a manicure. Conservatives believe in “clean” coal befouling spacious skies, amber waves of abstinent teens, and purple mountains of middle-class debt. Conservatives believe that public education is just another entitlement that needs to be cut. Conservatives believe in tightening eligibility for unemployment benefits, welfare, and food stamps, while loosening gun control laws, because what we really need are more desperate, jobless people with access to guns. Conservatives believe corporations are people, all rich people are automatically “job creators,” women who use contraception are sluts, the gay can be prayed away, poor people deserve to be poor because it’s their own damn fault, the Girl Scouts have a secret lesbian agenda, global warming is a hoax, the Bible trumps the Constitution, Donald Trump trumps the Bible, Fox News is actually “fair and balanced,” the U.S. president is a Muslim sleeper agent from Kenya, and conservatives are the ones who understand the “real world.” Conservatives believe John Boehner’s tears will trickle down and stimulate the economy. Conservatives believe that if historical reality doesn’t fit your preferred narrative, you simply edit Wikipedia to suit your propagandistic needs. Conservatives believe in cutting social services while giving multi-million-dollar tax subsidies to Bible-themed amusement parks, because it’s more important to take your child to see Jesus ride an animatronics dinosaur than to be able to treat her Type 1 diabetes. Conservatives believe in shipping jobs overseas—except for CEOs, lobbyists, Starbucks baristas, and their own illegal nannies. Conservatives believe in weapons of mass deception, bought elections, and pharmaceutical erections. Conservatives believe they’ve just seen an apparition of the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich and a vision of Jesus in Herman Cain’s pizza. Conservatives believe America was a better place when there were Hummers on the street, Bushes in office, Jack Bauer in prime time, prayer in schools, abortions in back alleys, gays in the closet, segregation on buses, and only white male property owners could vote. Conservatives believe in proclaiming themselves pro-life until you pass through the birth canal, at which point they become pro-“go screw yourself,” and couldn’t care less if you don’t have health insurance, can’t feed your family, or get executed for a crime you didn’t commit. Conservatives believe in proclaiming that they steadfastly and unflinchingly support our troops, as long as they’re not gay. Conservatives believe that abstinence-only education has worked so well for their pregnant unwed teenage daughters that it should be replicated all across the nation. Conservatives believe that anything liberals believe must necessarily be false, which is why they believe that low-flow toilets and energy efficient light bulbs pose a bigger threat to our way of life than melting ice caps. Conservatives believe in stoking fears about government death panels, and then cheering the idea of letting uninsured patients die, because they clearly have no idea what irony means. Conservatives believe in railing against the estate tax, even if they’re living in trailers. Conservatives believe in the kind of ass-backward logic that says even though 9/11 happened under George W. Bush’s watch, it was Bill Clinton’s fault, and even though Barack Obama was the one who ordered Osama bin Laden killed, Bush deserves the credit. Conservatives believe that electrified fences and Taser guns should be considered comprehensive immigration reform. Conservatives believe in abolishing the Department of Education and cutting school funding because it’s a known fact that uneducated simpletons are more likely to grow up and vote Republican. And more than anything else, conservatives believe that no matter how big an economic calamity you create, how big a hole you blow through the deficit, how badly you botch wars, or how drunk you were on trickled-down Kool-Aid when you drove the country into a ditch, everything is still Obama’s fault.

You represent liberals well.

Keep up the good work.