The KEEB Thread

[SpidermanTuba]

Keeb refers to the deity worshiped by Followers of Keeb.



Followers of Keeb believe that Keeb is the one and only true God of the Universe. Though Keeb is traditionally referred to as a "He", the Followers believe He has no sex. He may be equivalently referred to as "She" or "It".

Beliefs of the Followers of Keeb:

1. Keeb is the one and only true God

2. Keeb is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, with the exception that Keeb cannot predict the future. Thus, freedom of choice is preserved. The future is not already determined. "Before" Keeb created the Universe, the future was determined. Because of this, time was merely a fourth spatial dimension. When Keeb "decided" to create the Universe, He caused the fourth spatial dimension to change, via quantum tunneling, into the dimension known as time. Thus Keeb gave up some of His control on the Universe in exchange for giving Human free will. However, He retains ultimate control, as He is free at any time to return the dimension of time to being a spatial dimension.

3. Keeb is a good God.

4. Keeb does not wish to damn those who do not believe in Him to Hell. This is the primary difference between Keeb and other deities. Keeb welcomes followers of all religions into His Kingdom, all he requires is that one live a life in accordance with His Three Teachings (see below).

5. Although those who do not wish to follow Keeb may make it to Heaven, following Keeb in one's Earthly life will make one's Earthly life more fulfilling.

6. Partaking of marijuana is the predominant method by which followers of Keeb worship Him. Other methods are possible, however. Meditation, other psychedellics, good works, and using ones creative abilities are also ways to worship Him.

7. Followers believe that in the beginning there was only Keeb and the Motherbud. Keeb was lonely, and wished to have companions with which to share he wonderful bounty. So He created Earth and Human, and gave to Human cuttings from His Motherbud. In this way, Human could help Keeb propagate His bounty, as well as share it with Him.

8. The funniest, as well as the Holiest, number is the integer three.

9. Multilpes of three are also Holy. All other prime numbers above three have a special significance that will only be revealed in the Afterlife.

The Three Teachings of Keeb

1) Love thy neighbor as thyself. 2) Do not fear Keeb. 3) Smoke marijuana if you want to, and can, but you don't have to. But Keeb recommends it.

Formal Worship of Keeb, to the knowledge of this author, first took place in 1995 at Louisiana State University, though informal Worship of Keeb has taken place for millenia. The Following of Keeb has since spread, with Worshippers as far west as California and as far east as Tennessee.

The Followers of Keeb have a single leader. This leader is mostly ceremonial in nature, and cannot single handedly issue any dogma. This leader is known as the "King" because he is the most recent winner of the competition known as "King of Weed." In this contest, a Follower of Keeb may challenge the current King. Originally, the game was played simply by determining who could smoke the most marijuana in a sitting. Due to the obvious expense involved, the game as since been modified. The King and the challenger get into a car (or other closed space) with the doors shut and the windows rolled up, and begin smoking marijuana. The first to crack a window or open the door is the loser. To date, only two Followers have ever been King, and only one has held the title for any longer than a year.

 

[Stephanie]

It sounds like way too much :bong420:
I think they need more of :alco: to go with the :bong420: and then they can have a whole lot of :kiss2: :69: as their flyin into outer space, I mean the next dimension. Oh heck......... I forgot where it was I was going, or where it was I came from...

 

[SpidermanTuba]

The 3rd Book of Keeb - Chapter 1 - Germination of all the Universe

In the beginning, on the first day, there was Keeb. Keeb and the Mother Bud. Keeb enjoyed the Mother Bud, and was happy. However, He wanted more.

On the 2nd day, Keeb created Sun and Earth, so that he might have a suitably sized plot of land to propagate cuttings from his Mother Bud. Keeb was happy, however, He wanted more. His Creation Earth was so successful in propagation of the Mother Bud, that He could not possible use it all, and besides He was lonely having all that Mother Bud to Himself.

So on the 3rd day, Keeb created man and woman. He made woman to be beautiful, for Him to look at, and man to be silly looking, for Him to laugh at, but He made them both with two lungs, so that they could smoke with Him. He made them with legs and arms and eyes and ears and all of the wonderful faculties of our Earthly bodies, so that we might help Him to propagate the Mother Bud, for our use and His, for the Universe is the Lung of Keeb (1).

On the 4rth day, Keeb created the Moon, the Planets, and the Heavens, so man might have something to gaze at while making offerings to Keeb during the night.

On the 5th day, Keeb gave man hops, barely, grapes, and other fruits of the Earth for Man to manufacture his wine and beer, so that he may have both sanitary drinking water and something to hold him over between harvests. Keeb told Man that Man was allowed to make these beverages, but reminded Man of the relative importance of these things by saying "Keeb is perfect, Man is not, Man made whiskey, Keeb made pot"

On the 6th day, in the morning, Keeb created all the other plants known to be intoxicating, so that man might have variety. The rest of the day, Keeb rested (2).

On the 7th day, Keeb rested. He rested, and rested, and rested. He named this day "Sunday", for the Sun which provides the light for his Creation to Grow. On this Day he asked all His people to make offerings to Him, and to try to relax as much as possible. He also decreed that at 4:20 would be the "Sunday of the Day", for any day of the week.

Keeb looked over his Creation, sampled Its supple Buds, saw that it was Good, and was Happy.

Verily, this is the Holy Word of Keeb.

footnotes:
(1) - alternate translation from the Keebrew - "for Keeb is the one and only True Lung of the Universe"
(2) - under Keeb, the sabbath day is actually 3 full half days, beginning at 4:20 pm on Saturday, and lasting until 4:20 am on Monday.
(3) - Three

 

[Stephanie]

The 3rd Book of Keeb - Chapter 1 - Germination of all the Universe

In the beginning, on the first day, there was Keeb. Keeb and the Mother Bud. Keeb enjoyed the Mother Bud, and was happy. However, He wanted more.

On the 2nd day, Keeb created Sun and Earth, so that he might have a suitably sized plot of land to propagate cuttings from his Mother Bud. Keeb was happy, however, He wanted more. His Creation Earth was so successful in propagation of the Mother Bud, that He could not possible use it all, and besides He was lonely having all that Mother Bud to Himself.

So on the 3rd day, Keeb created man and woman. He made woman to be beautiful, for Him to look at, and man to be silly looking, for Him to laugh at, but He made them both with two lungs, so that they could smoke with Him. He made them with legs and arms and eyes and ears and all of the wonderful faculties of our Earthly bodies, so that we might help Him to propagate the Mother Bud, for our use and His, for the Universe is the Lung of Keeb (1).

On the 4rth day, Keeb created the Moon, the Planets, and the Heavens, so man might have something to gaze at while making offerings to Keeb during the night.

On the 5th day, Keeb gave man hops, barely, grapes, and other fruits of the Earth for Man to manufacture his wine and beer, so that he may have both sanitary drinking water and something to hold him over between harvests. Keeb told Man that Man was allowed to make these beverages, but reminded Man of the relative importance of these things by saying "Keeb is perfect, Man is not, Man made whiskey, Keeb made pot"

On the 6th day, in the morning, Keeb created all the other plants known to be intoxicating, so that man might have variety. The rest of the day, Keeb rested (2).

On the 7th day, Keeb rested. He rested, and rested, and rested. He named this day "Sunday", for the Sun which provides the light for his Creation to Grow. On this Day he asked all His people to make offerings to Him, and to try to relax as much as possible. He also decreed that at 4:20 would be the "Sunday of the Day", for any day of the week.

Keeb looked over his Creation, sampled Its supple Buds, saw that it was Good, and was Happy.

Verily, this is the Holy Word of Keeb.

footnotes:
(1) - alternate translation from the Keebrew - "for Keeb is the one and only True Lung of the Universe"
(2) - under Keeb, the sabbath day is actually 3 full half days, beginning at 4:20 pm on Saturday, and lasting until 4:20 am on Monday.
(3) - Three

Thats way far out...........man
Spidy my friend put down the:bong420: you've had WAY too much :rotflmao:

 

[no1tovote4]

It sounds like way too much :bong420:
I think they need more of :alco: to go with the :bong420: and then they can have a whole lot of :kiss2: :69: as their flyin into outer space, I mean the next dimension. Oh heck......... I forgot where it was I was going, or where it was I came from...

Take your eyes off of the pencil... It doesn't really hold the secrets of the universe. Yes I know the yellow paint attracts the eye but it really is just a pencil and it isn't of itself very deep....

 

[theHawk]

LSU lost.

 

[no1tovote4]

LSU lost.

So did UCONN.

:chains:

 

[GotZoom]

That explains some of your posts.

 

[dmp]

That's diety by buffet!

lol!

 

[SpidermanTuba]

LSU lost.

We made Duke cry. That's good enough for me.

My Romanian friend was telling me how in most other countries they have a losers bracket, so has to have a 1, 2, and 3rd place out of a final 4. She thinks this is somehow superior to our system. Screw that. This is America. There is only one winner, and everyone else is a loser. In a way - this is even better for "Self esteem" - if you're a loser here, well, that's not so bad, afterall, there is only one winner.

 

[Said1]

KEEB


Cock-a-doodle-dooooooooo.

 

[MissileMan]

Keeb refers to the deity worshiped by Followers of Keeb.



Followers of Keeb believe that Keeb is the one and only true God of the Universe. Though Keeb is traditionally referred to as a "He", the Followers believe He has no sex. He may be equivalently referred to as "She" or "It".

Beliefs of the Followers of Keeb:

1. Keeb is the one and only true God

2. Keeb is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, with the exception that Keeb cannot predict the future. Thus, freedom of choice is preserved. The future is not already determined. "Before" Keeb created the Universe, the future was determined. Because of this, time was merely a fourth spatial dimension. When Keeb "decided" to create the Universe, He caused the fourth spatial dimension to change, via quantum tunneling, into the dimension known as time. Thus Keeb gave up some of His control on the Universe in exchange for giving Human free will. However, He retains ultimate control, as He is free at any time to return the dimension of time to being a spatial dimension.

3. Keeb is a good God.

4. Keeb does not wish to damn those who do not believe in Him to Hell. This is the primary difference between Keeb and other deities. Keeb welcomes followers of all religions into His Kingdom, all he requires is that one live a life in accordance with His Three Teachings (see below).

5. Although those who do not wish to follow Keeb may make it to Heaven, following Keeb in one's Earthly life will make one's Earthly life more fulfilling.

6. Partaking of marijuana is the predominant method by which followers of Keeb worship Him. Other methods are possible, however. Meditation, other psychedellics, good works, and using ones creative abilities are also ways to worship Him.

7. Followers believe that in the beginning there was only Keeb and the Motherbud. Keeb was lonely, and wished to have companions with which to share he wonderful bounty. So He created Earth and Human, and gave to Human cuttings from His Motherbud. In this way, Human could help Keeb propagate His bounty, as well as share it with Him.

8. The funniest, as well as the Holiest, number is the integer three.

9. Multilpes of three are also Holy. All other prime numbers above three have a special significance that will only be revealed in the Afterlife.

The Three Teachings of Keeb

1) Love thy neighbor as thyself. 2) Do not fear Keeb. 3) Smoke marijuana if you want to, and can, but you don't have to. But Keeb recommends it.

Formal Worship of Keeb, to the knowledge of this author, first took place in 1995 at Louisiana State University, though informal Worship of Keeb has taken place for millenia. The Following of Keeb has since spread, with Worshippers as far west as California and as far east as Tennessee.

The Followers of Keeb have a single leader. This leader is mostly ceremonial in nature, and cannot single handedly issue any dogma. This leader is known as the "King" because he is the most recent winner of the competition known as "King of Weed." In this contest, a Follower of Keeb may challenge the current King. Originally, the game was played simply by determining who could smoke the most marijuana in a sitting. Due to the obvious expense involved, the game as since been modified. The King and the challenger get into a car (or other closed space) with the doors shut and the windows rolled up, and begin smoking marijuana. The first to crack a window or open the door is the loser. To date, only two Followers have ever been King, and only one has held the title for any longer than a year.

I can no longer resist the urge to ask the following question:

Do you hold the meetings of your congregation in an old hollow tree where you bake goodies for the masses?

 

[SpidermanTuba]

That's not Keeb, that's just someone named Keeb.



I demand that my view of Creation, the 1st chapter of the 3rd Book of Keeb, be taught alongside evolution as an equally valid view of how the UNiverse was formed. It takes just as much faith to believe in evolution, and Creation through Keeb is certainly no more ridiculous than evolution,.

 

[GotZoom]

And here is SpidermanTuba.

From http://www.tigerdroppings.com/users/prof.asp?u=2219

----------

User Profile: SpidermanTUba
Favorite team: LSU
Birth Date: May 25, 1977
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Biography: Orignally from Donaldsonville
Interests: fucking my fiance, Phish, walking for hundreds of miles,
collecting neoconservative hypocrisies, freshwater aquariums,
TIGER FOOTBALL, telling dankern333 why his idea won't work,
frying fetuses, cooking spaghetti, pizza, and lasagna
Occupation: Grad Student/Teaching Assistant/Male Escort
Number of Posts: 8884
Registered on : 5/12/2004
Online Status: Online

----

fucking my fiance and frying fetuses. Nice. Classy.

 

[Said1]

And here is SpidermanTuba.

From http://www.tigerdroppings.com/users/prof.asp?u=2219

----------

User Profile: SpidermanTUba
Favorite team: LSU
Birth Date: May 25, 1977
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Biography: Orignally from Donaldsonville
Interests: fucking my fiance, Phish, walking for hundreds of miles,
collecting neoconservative hypocrisies, freshwater aquariums,
TIGER FOOTBALL, telling dankern333 why his idea won't work,
frying fetuses, cooking spaghetti, pizza, and lasagna
Occupation: Grad Student/Teaching Assistant/Male Escort
Number of Posts: 8884
Registered on : 5/12/2004
Online Status: Online

----

fucking my fiance and frying fetuses. Nice. Classy.

 

[5stringJeff]

That's not Keeb, that's just someone named Keeb.



I demand that my view of Creation, the 1st chapter of the 3rd Book of Keeb, be taught alongside evolution as an equally valid view of how the UNiverse was formed. It takes just as much faith to believe in evolution, and Creation through Keeb is certainly no more ridiculous than evolution,.

I knew there would be a point to this thread...

The book of Keeb can be shown to be completely made up, whereas the Bible can be proven to be the Word of God. Nice try, though.

 

[MissileMan]

I knew there would be a point to this thread...

The book of Keeb can be shown to be completely made up, whereas the Bible can be proven to be the Word of God. Nice try, though.

The skeptic in me has to ask...Exactly how can you prove that the Bible is the word of God?

 

[5stringJeff]

The skeptic in me has to ask...Exactly how can you prove that the Bible is the word of God?

I hate to just post a link and call it good, so let me summarize the link:

There are two types of evidence that show that the Bible is the Word of God. The first, internal evidence, includes its unity of theme, fulfilled prophecies contained within, and its own claim that it is, in fact, the Word of God. The second type of evidence, external evidence, includes archaeological and historical evidence that corroborates (sp?) with what the Bible says, the character of the human authors of the Bible, and its survivability in spite of persecution.

 

[MissileMan]

I hate to just post a link and call it good, so let me summarize the link:

There are two types of evidence that show that the Bible is the Word of God. The first, internal evidence, includes its unity of theme, fulfilled prophecies contained within, and its own claim that it is, in fact, the Word of God. The second type of evidence, external evidence, includes archaeological and historical evidence that corroborates (sp?) with what the Bible says, the character of the human authors of the Bible, and its survivability in spite of persecution.

The internal evidence is self-fulfilling and therefore can't be used as proof. The external evidence, stories of real people and real places, is no more proof that the Bible is the Word of God than Homer's Iliad is proof of the existence of the Greek Pantheon.

 

[manu1959]

the bible is man's interpretaion of what they belive the word of god is....until gods shows up and says those are my words.....tis all faith