Sometimes I talk to this guy, this homeless guy, who hangs around where I work. He really doesn't look homeless, he just looks like a weirdo, maybe a speed freak, which he does do "crank" sometimes. He told me that sometimes when he's high on crank, he masturbates in public. But he's hiding when he does it so noone can see him. Sometimes he actually climbs a tree in this one park and when noone can see him he starts masturbating. Can you imagine that, a cranked out homeless dude in a tree spying on unsuspecting picnicers and such, and masturbating. And where does the finished product go? Down, down to ground I suppose. He also told me that once he was swimming in a pond and some female joggers came by. They stopped near the water and they saw him. But his body was underwater from the waist down. And he was naked under there! And he said he just started masturbating as they stared at him and they didn't even know. And then, he said he just stood up and that scared them off. He's funny. He said he spends entire days masturbating sometimes. He's always riding around on bicycles. Sometimes he has so much crap strapped to his bike it looks hiralious. The last time I saw him, he was just cruising around on a childs size BMX bike, a Huffy. It was all rusted and shit but he said he liked it. He ll talk for hours about bikes and bicycle technology and how it all works and stuff. Especially when he's high on crank. But then sometimes I see him when he's come down off the drugs and he's just paranoid and doesn't talk at all. Like he's one the run or something. You see, homeless people can be very entertaining to interact with. I think I might try that one about the pond sometime myself. Don't you people forget, it's allright to expose yourself to women. It's a good thing, as Martha Stewart always says. This one's for you Martha!! I know about 10 or so homeless in that hang around this area. They're not like the crippled old men you would expect. The average age is about 40, but ranges from 30-50. There's nothing wrong with them at all, they're just weirdos. All of them do drugs too. Crank, is their favorite. Although a few prefer herion, or booze. They could work. But they don't. They get free food everyday at a soup kitchen. They get showers everday at this one church. And they get more food, (canned goods and bread, etc.), clothes, free dental service, and cash at this place called (blank) (I won't mention the name, I don't want any of you to know which city I live in). And that place even gives them free mailboxes so they can have an address to get mail from and to apply for even more social services through the state. Like mediCAL, SSI, welfare, etc. It's funny because the people contributing to these soup kitchens and the like are only doing one thing...Allowing these fucks to live like they do. Otherwise the poor bastards would either start working again, or starve on the street. Still, I think that one homeless asshole is hilarious, he's the greatest entertainment around. I'm glad to have met him. One day I saw him at a gas station blowing the air hose into a pair of fuzzy slip on boots. I said what are you doing. He said I'm blowing the stink outta these boots here. I found them in the dumpster. Cool boots huh? And then he put them on. He always looks funny because he just wears whatever he can find. So his wardrobe is always very mis-matched. Plus, one day I saw him wearing a pair of Jeans that he told me were actually women's jeans. He said he was getting annoyed by the cut of the jeans. Last time I saw him he said he had just gotten out of the hospital after being treated for a brown recluse bite. He was going to show me the sore but it was near his ass and I told him I didn't need to see it. Actually, there's another homeless guy who used to come around by the name of Pete Nelson. A scandinavian, and native american indian heritaged ex-abolony diver who now is a jail bird and a mad drunk. He's about 63. He is a scorpio with a libra moon sign. We checked out his birthday in my book. One day he came in (to the establishment where I work) and he had a big smile on his face and was wearing a pair of pants that were about 6 inches too big for him. And he had a rope (literally, a rope) from one belt loop and then slung over his shoulder and then tied to another belt loop. But still, the pants kept falling down and revealing his ass crack to unsuspecting yuppie customers who kept coming in. So then he pulled out a bottled water bottle from his backpack ( a tiny child's pack he found in the dumpster, nonetheless was VERY proud of) and there was actually vodka in it. Then he said, well, I just had to see how much I had left....It'd be a damn shame to run outta fuel. I let him hang out there for a couple of hours actually, and he just talks to everybody who comes in, it's funny. He's asks for cigarettes whenever someone buys a pack and if they don't give him one he gets mad. He offended lots of yuppies that day, it was fucking hilarious. I just laughed when the yuppies looked at me in astonishment because I hate almost all of them, (my customers) and they fucking deserve to be offended. Fuck em. So this young 18 years girl comes in and buys a pack of camel lights and Pete asks politely if he can have one once she gets it opened she says ok. But just one second I'll be right back. She walks outside where her mom was waiting for her in the car and Pete follows. The mom sees Pete coming towards her car and jams the gas, away from him. But the exit driveway is the other way and see has to make a u-turn. So, embarrassed, the young girl and her mother make the u as quick as possible but Pete is standing with his hands on his hips smiling and shaking his head, where's my fucking cigarette? Beautiful, I thought you were gonna give me a cigarette. And then some stupid lady who is an ex-teacher, and has white hair comes in to buy her stupid Virginia Slim cigarettes, and Pete starts talking to her. He shakes her hand, and because he's drunk, holds her hand to hard and the bitch goes, your hurting me! And I start laughing and Pete doesn 't even laugh or anything he just like sits there all dumbfounded, like what are you talking about lady? So, then that night all came to a close when, while talking to some guy at the gas pump, Pete is smoking a cigarette and the guy who he is talking to gets distracted and the guy who he is talking to gets distracted and drives off with the gas pump still in his fucking jeep. So this other customer, seeing this get's fucking crazy and starts yelling at Pete, he's like hey that gas nozzle is spewing fumes, (which it wasn't they are designed to break away safely without any fumes coming out, but he didn't know that) and that guy is smoking a cigarette, put it out!! put it out now!! Hey you call the cops. Pete Nelson's like sitting there going What? What? and then he walks in to the store grabs his bag and his bottle and he's like...well, stevie...looks like I gotta hit the road. Some assholes gonna drop the dime. So he took off. I saw him again a few months later and he had actually done three months in jail for slapping a police officer who told him he couldn't sleep on a boat dock. Funny guy...I wonder if he's still alive. Probably...Hes probably just in jail though. I wonder how many liberals who give money to homeless charitys actually would take the time to hang out with one like I have. But see, me I'm the opposite, I won't give em a damn dime. But I'll talk to em if they're not to beligerent and if I'm in the mood to do so. If not then I won't it's that simple.