The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates

longknife

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Sep 21, 2012
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Being in my fourth, I can totally agree with these headlines. Marriage is hard. After the rose colored glasses turn purple, human beings are just too complicated to get along without a lot of compromises and disappointments.

Research shows that practically every dimension of life happiness is influenced by the quality of one’s marriage, while divorce is the second most stressful life event one can ever experience.

Yet nearly half of all married couples are likely to divorce, and many couples report feeling unhappy in their relationships. Instructors of Northwestern University’s Marriage 101 class want to change that. The goal of their course is to help students have more fulfilling love relationships during their lives. In Marriage 101 popular books such as Mating in Captivity and For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage are interspersed with meaty academic studies. Students attend one lecture a week and then meet in smaller breakout groups to discuss the weekly topics, which range from infidelity to addiction, childrearing to sexuality in long-term relationships.

Maybe this is why so many modern couple are shunning the “I dos” and just shacking up instead. Easy to pack up and go without all the legal complications.


More about this
@ The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates - The Atlantic - Pocket thanks to my daily Pocket feed.
 
While I understand the point, an inordinate number of kids that I went to school with fell in love in their teens, never veered, and have spent a lifetime together. And truly couldn't imagine a life without the other. They were meant for each other.
So, not sure about the soul mate thing. If you asked them, they would answer in the affirmative in a heart beat.
 
Consider that in cultures where they have arranged marriages, lifetime commitment is the norm. They don't concern themselves with "love," but merely commit to treating each other with kindness and respect, assuming that some form of love will follow.

Imagine you have signed up for an astronautical mission that will last for more that your lifetime. A mate has been chosen for you based on quantitative factors, and your children will be raised to compete the mission.

Once launched into outer space, how would you treat your mate? Could you make it work?
 
direct


Being in my fourth, I can totally agree with these headlines. Marriage is hard. After the rose colored glasses turn purple, human beings are just too complicated to get along without a lot of compromises and disappointments.

Research shows that practically every dimension of life happiness is influenced by the quality of one’s marriage, while divorce is the second most stressful life event one can ever experience.

Yet nearly half of all married couples are likely to divorce, and many couples report feeling unhappy in their relationships. Instructors of Northwestern University’s Marriage 101 class want to change that. The goal of their course is to help students have more fulfilling love relationships during their lives. In Marriage 101 popular books such as Mating in Captivity and For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage are interspersed with meaty academic studies. Students attend one lecture a week and then meet in smaller breakout groups to discuss the weekly topics, which range from infidelity to addiction, childrearing to sexuality in long-term relationships.

Maybe this is why so many modern couple are shunning the “I dos” and just shacking up instead. Easy to pack up and go without all the legal complications.


More about this
@ The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates - The Atlantic - Pocket thanks to my daily Pocket feed.

At work recently we did this "gratitude exercise", (I know, I know). We were supposed to write a letter to the person who has been most influential in our lives. Not a second thought for me: my husband. But I was shocked, at my table, to my knowledge anyway, not one other person chose their spouse. Not even people who had been married a very long time.

I gave my husband the letter I wrote to him and wondered aloud who then is your spouse if not your most influential/ best friend/ whatnot. Just someone who annoys you at home? Someone with whom you made the kids? I'm not saying any of my coworkers think this. I'm just wondering.
 
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The term "soul mates" is old school. Nobody I know refers to love, or otherwise a deep attachment to another person, as a soul mate. I live with a woman I love and while not married yet (we plan to), our attachment is not limited to mere words or legal documents. Love is truly something that defies mortal explanation.
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Marriage is outdated in the 21st century. You not only will get stuck with a 300 pounder in your bed, but may even lose your child support income. Nobody does it in the ghetto any more.
 
Marriage is outdated in the 21st century. You not only will get stuck with a 300 pounder in your bed, but may even lose your child support income. Nobody does it in the ghetto any more.

Sadly, the demise of marriage is a huge reason why the kids are so messed up.

And why society is so messed up.

We're so self-centered we're more worried about "the 300 pounder in our bed" than raising children in a productive, stable, happy home.

Tragic.
 
Marriage is outdated in the 21st century. You not only will get stuck with a 300 pounder in your bed, but may even lose your child support income. Nobody does it in the ghetto any more.

Sadly, the demise of marriage is a huge reason why the kids are so messed up.

And why society is so messed up.

We're so self-centered we're more worried about "the 300 pounder in our bed" than raising children in a productive, stable, happy home.

Tragic.
The demise of marriage? I don't think so. 8 facts about love and marriage in America
 
Marriage is outdated in the 21st century. You not only will get stuck with a 300 pounder in your bed, but may even lose your child support income. Nobody does it in the ghetto any more.

Sadly, the demise of marriage is a huge reason why the kids are so messed up.

And why society is so messed up.

We're so self-centered we're more worried about "the 300 pounder in our bed" than raising children in a productive, stable, happy home.

Tragic.

Imagine you are totally not self centered. Then can you be married to the 300 pounder? I have never seen a couple to create pregnancy for the sake of the future child. That has never happened. So every child is born out of totally self centered behavior.
 
Marriage is outdated in the 21st century. You not only will get stuck with a 300 pounder in your bed, but may even lose your child support income. Nobody does it in the ghetto any more.

Sadly, the demise of marriage is a huge reason why the kids are so messed up.

And why society is so messed up.

We're so self-centered we're more worried about "the 300 pounder in our bed" than raising children in a productive, stable, happy home.

Tragic.

Imagine you are totally not self centered. Then can you be married to the 300 pounder? I have never seen a couple to create pregnancy for the sake of the future child. That has never happened. So every child is born out of totally self centered behavior.

I don't know what the first two sentences are about--the 300 lb comment. ???

As to creating children: the best couples create children out of an overflow of love. They simply feel they have enough love and, hopefully, resources to raise a child well. What they then discover is they will do anything for their child, even die for their child, once the parenting instincts kick in.
 

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