An alcoholic is stumbling through the woods one day, when he happens upon a river where a preacher is doing baptisms. So he stumbles his way over to the preacher, who is almost knocked out by the smell of alcohol that reeks from the man's body. So the preacher grabs the drunk by the shoulders and says, "Sir, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk says ,"Yes." So the preacher dunks him in the water, pulls him up, and says, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't." The preacher is somewhat dumbstruck, so he takes the man and baptizes him again, holding him under a few seconds longer. He pulls him up again, and asks him, "Now tell me, son, have you found Jesus?" The drunk says, "No, sir, I haven't found him yet." So the preacher, at his wit's end, takes the drunk and dunks him under again, holding him underwater for about 20 or 30 seconds, until the guy starts flailing his arms and legs. So the preacher pulls him up and asks, "For the love of God, brother, have you found Jesus now??" The drunk catches his breath, looks at the preacher, and says, "Are you sure this is where He fell in?!?"