The devils dictionary

miketx

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Dec 25, 2015
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The devils dictionary is a collection of "redefined' words written Ambrose Bierce about a 100 years ago. A little more maybe. I first became aware of these funny tidbits decades ago whilst perusing one of my wife's college books on famous quotations. The whole dictionary can be found here:

The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce - for Tablet & Screen

It consists of common words followed by humorous and satirical definitions. Some of them are rooted in the past and are curious and old fashioned by today's standards. Here are some of the wittier ones.

1. Mad: affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.



2. Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

3. Quote: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

4. Sabbath: a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.



5. Corporation: an ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

6. Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

7. Coward: one who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.

8. Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

9. Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.



10. Telephone: an invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

11. Consult: to seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

12. Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.

13. Revolution: in politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

14. Eulogy: praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

15. Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

16. Genealogy: an account of one’s descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

17. Forgetfulness: a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

18. Backbite: to speak of a man as you find him when he can’t find you.

19. Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.


20. Clairvoyant: a person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron – namely, that he is an idiot.
 
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“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
 

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