The Dawn of the Two Party System

Discussion in 'Humor' started by manu1959, Nov 15, 2006.

  1. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    In the Begining...............

    Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and
    gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
    would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

    The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
    and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
    beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
    the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
    Liberals and Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
    agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
    yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
    them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
    villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing
    animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
    beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men who
    were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
    conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
    sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
    Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
    women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
    the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
    democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
    conservatives provided.

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
    powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
    the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
    white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
    beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

    Another interesting revolutionary side note about liberals: most of
    their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
    workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood
    and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated
    hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
    for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
    lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
    officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
    who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
    conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or
    nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with
    the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
    Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when
    conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West
    was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Here
    ends today's lesson in world history:

    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond
    to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative
    will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will
    be forwarded immediately.
     
  2. theHawk
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    theHawk Registered Conservative

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    Shyst, I like sushi and Dos Equis with lime. I'm a liberal :tears1:
     
  3. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    Don't fruit the beer! It's a ManLaw!
     
  4. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I don't drink, myself, but after seeing so much alcohol ads, I'm convinced that if I did drink, my drink of choice would be Samuel Adams. The guy who owns it really looks like he cares deeply about making an excellent product. And I definitely wouldn't fruit it.

    And while we're in the business of liberals feeding off conservatives, think about gun laws. Conservatives think you should be able to own any gun you can afford so you can both hunt and protect yourself from bad men. Liberals think owning guns is morally wrong, so when they need protection, they hire conservatives.
     
  5. rtwngAvngr
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    rtwngAvngr Guest

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    Too hoppy. It's a perversion of brew mastery, so americans can feel AUTHENTIC or something.

    Though the honey porter is good. That;s like from ten years ago, I don't know if it still exists.
     
  6. pegwinn
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    pegwinn Top of the Food Chain

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    I make my own beer, and I don't fruit it.

    Sam Adams is overhopped for a edgier taste. OTOH unlike Coors Light, Sam Adams and Anchor Steam are older style breweries. You can drink the same recipe and tell if they were the same batch. I like that. It's not bland and weak like the megabrewers. I have a favorite mega brand so that on the road I can drink a beer, but virtually any micro will beat it.
     
  7. rtwngAvngr
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    rtwngAvngr Guest

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    What's your megabrand brand?

    I like coors, pbr, bud.
     
  8. pegwinn
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    pegwinn Top of the Food Chain

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    MGD in a bottle. In a pinch I will also drink Bud in a bottle. Anytime someone else is buying it's pinch.
     

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