The dangers of alcohol

Bootneck

Diamond Member
Aug 6, 2008
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A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."
 
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I read in a newspaper that alcohol is extremely bad for you. That did it for me. I gave up reading newspapers.
 
Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had far too many cocktails.

Completely trollied and staggering home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they slip behind a headstone to relieve themselves.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing pricey Victoria's Secret panties and didn't want to ruin them, so she grabbed a large ribbon from a wreath on a nearby grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said,

"These bloody girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night reeking of gin and wearing no panties!"

"Too right mate " said the other. "That's nothing - mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said,

'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'
 
A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
 
Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"
 
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket.

He does this over and over again.

Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket.

The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."
 
How is a casino like a woman?
Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?
A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.
 
Granny says, "Dat's right - it'll make ya goofy, like Uncle Ferd...
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Even Moderate Drinking Linked to Changes in Brain Structure, Study Finds
June 06, 2017 — Drinking even moderate amounts of alcohol is linked to changes in brain structure and an increased risk of worsening brain function, scientists said Tuesday.
In a 30-year study that looked at the brains of 550 middle-aged heavy drinkers, moderate drinkers and teetotalers, the researchers found people who drank more alcohol had a greater risk of hippocampal atrophy — a form of brain damage that affects memory and spatial navigation. People who drank more than 30 units a week on average had the highest risk, but even those who drank moderately — between 14 and 21 units a week — were far more likely than abstainers to have hippocampal atrophy, the scientists said. "And we found no support for a protective effect of light consumption on brain structure," they added.

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A barman pulls a pint of beer in a pub in Liverpool, northern England.​

The research team — from the University of Oxford and University College London — said their results supported a recent lowering of drinking limit guidelines in Britain, but posed questions about limits recommended in the United States. U.S. guidelines suggest that up to 24.5 units of alcohol a week is safe for men, but the study found increased risk of brain structure changes at just 14 to 21 units a week. A unit is defined as 10 milliliters (ml) of pure alcohol. There are roughly two in a large beer, nine in a bottle of wine and one in a 25 ml spirit shot.

Harder to justify

Killian Welch, a Royal Edinburgh Hospital neuropsychiatrist who was not directly involved in the study, said the results, published in the BMJ British Medical Journal, underlined "the argument that drinking habits many regard as normal have adverse consequences for health." "We all use rationalizations to justify persistence with behaviors not in our long-term interest. With [these results], justification of 'moderate' drinking on the grounds of brain health becomes a little harder," he said. The study analyzed data on weekly alcohol intake and cognitive performance measured repeatedly over 30 years between 1985 and 2015 for 550 healthy men and women with an average age of 43 at the start of the study. Brain function tests were carried out at regular intervals, and at the end of the study participants were given an MRI brain scan.

After adjusting for several important potential confounders such as gender, education, social class, physical and social activity, smoking, stroke risk and medical history, the scientists found that higher alcohol consumption was associated with increased risk of brain function decline. Drinking more was also linked to poorer "white matter integrity" — a factor they described as critical when it comes to cognitive functioning. The researchers noted that with an observational study like this, no firm conclusions can be drawn about cause and effect. They added, however, that the findings could have important public health implications for a large sector of the population.

Even Moderate Drinking Linked to Changes in Brain Structure, Study Finds
 
A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."
Everybody knows this already !!!
 
In England real men drink whisky.

Real women there drink vodka.

In the USA real men drink tequila or Scotch.

Real women here drink vodka.

Vodka works the same way in England and in the USA -- it is called "the leg spreader" !!
 

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